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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH never in casual clothes!

55 replies

cornbeeflegs · 10/12/2023 16:55

I want to preface this by stating that I don't want to sound mean or ungrateful, or to suggest that my DH isn't working hard, because I know that he is and I don't want to undermine anything that he's doing. So maybe it's just some advice that I need?

Backstory is that DH has recently set up his own gardening/landscaping company, very high end with some very wealthy clients. He's clearly wanting to make a good impression, particularly seeing as most of his work comes through referrals rather than advertising.

A few of his clients have other staff too (chauffeurs, housekeepers, au pairs, etc), and as such they expect the highest standards of behaviour and appearance whilst on their premises, to the extent that at least one has an expectation of shirt and tie to be worn (within the bounds of health and safety depending on what he's doing). So with that in mind he has designed and commissioned a set of logo'd shirts/jumpers/ties to be worn specifically for the high end jobs. Because he sometimes goes to other clients' gardens during the day in addition to high end clients, he's already wearing the 'formal' uniform, and because they've seen it then they've asked him to wear it for their jobs too, maybe thinking that it enhances the appearance of their 'staff' too?! To be fair he doesn't mind, he charges them accordingly, and most of the clients are relaxed enough that he can often wear the tie quite loosely under his fleece and the shirt untucked, etc.

He also wears his smart uniform for visiting and quoting new clients as he believes that it creates a good impression.

His work ethic is such that he never stops, so during the summer will be working from sunrise to sunset, and even when it's dark he'll be out visiting clients, or back home catching up on quotes, accounts, etc.

The result of this is that I never see him out of his work shirt/tie/fleece anymore! So today for example he was out of the house at 5am to travel to the south west to pick up a piece of equipment for the business he'd bought off Facebook, so an 8hr round trip, and then he visited a prospective client on the way back. So being him, he put his smart uniform on. He's now back home, actually relaxing for once, but still in his shirt & tie! And tomorrow we're supposed to be off Christmas shopping but he's got a client meeting at 8am followed by an eye test appt, then we're going straight after, so I know it's probably be a day around the shops with me looking casual and him in his fucking shirt and tie again! He might have it loosened but it's just driving me a bit mad for some reason.

Please feel free to say if it's me being totally unreasonable, or if you have a DH/DP who's the same. Sometimes I just feel like telling him to take the fucking tie off for once!

OP posts:
MercyIsEliminated · 10/12/2023 17:41

LoobyDop · 10/12/2023 17:28

Am I the only one sidetracked by the absolute insanity of demanding that a gardener wears a tie for work? I’ve n heard anything so ridiculous!

I'm glad you said this! I can't imagine a gardener wearing a tie to work. Madness.

Cottagecheeseisnotcheese · 10/12/2023 17:44

you see I don't think a shirt and tie is uncomfortable many men wear it all the time. MY Dad wore a tie practically every day even when retired perhaps slightly more country than city, the most casual he ever got was an open neck check shirt in the summer, I'm not sure he possessed a t shirt to be honest I think he would have been uncomfortable in himself if not smart. OK he was the generation previous and would have been 100 in January

Bigpaintinglittlepainting · 10/12/2023 17:45

It just says a lot about the client that they paid for the uniform, it's so petty and weird that he needs to even wear one.

But that's not the point !! The fact is he likes it too much lol

Op just tell him to get changed Smile

Original poster
cornbeeflegs · 10/12/2023 17:45

Cottagecheeseisnotcheese · 10/12/2023 17:39

some people just like to be more dressed up they feel more confident, maybe now your DH has started dressing like this he has realised that for him he feels better like this than say in joggers and t shirt. to be honest I have never really got changed when i have got home from work unless going somewhere different in the evening, if I'm working from home I wear the same thing from 8am to 10pm. my DD is 14 she doesn't change when home from school unless going out again or if sh gets into PJ's
even when she was little she generally didn't change after school it is just then 2 sets of dirty cloths not one set, if she wanted to change it was fine but if not it was OK too
my DH works in furniture restoration he doesn't change either unless work clothes are dirty

it is his preference surely what he wears considering most men look like slobs half the time I would be pleased

Do you/your daughter have to wear a formal smart uniform though? Maybe I wouldn't have an issue if it were just a t-shirt?

OP posts:
Original poster
cornbeeflegs · 10/12/2023 17:48

MercyIsEliminated · 10/12/2023 17:41

I'm glad you said this! I can't imagine a gardener wearing a tie to work. Madness.

Show quote history

I don't think I can tell him that though. It's his business, his clients

OP posts:
possiblenow · 10/12/2023 17:48

To be honest, it's very crass, not too mention patronising, that some client has 'sponsored' this uniform. How obnoxious can you get? We have gardeners. I've never clocked what they are wearing. This is all very odd.

Original poster
cornbeeflegs · 10/12/2023 17:49

Bigpaintinglittlepainting · 10/12/2023 17:45

It just says a lot about the client that they paid for the uniform, it's so petty and weird that he needs to even wear one.

But that's not the point !! The fact is he likes it too much lol

Op just tell him to get changed Smile

To an extent I agree. But how do I tell him? Like if he told me that he didn't like the colour of my work tights or whatever?

OP posts:
Angelsrose · 10/12/2023 17:50

I think this is a non-issue however I do like the smart look! AND he sounds incredibly hard-working. I'd say it sounds like you're rather fortunate.

pictoosh · 10/12/2023 17:51

LoobyDop · 10/12/2023 17:28

Am I the only one sidetracked by the absolute insanity of demanding that a gardener wears a tie for work? I’ve n heard anything so ridiculous!

THIS!

Who the fuck needs their gardener in a tie?!

Floooooof · 10/12/2023 17:51

I also can't get passed the fact someone has paid to have their gardener wear a shirt and tie to work....the mind boggles

Op, have you tried asking him to get changed?

JFDIYOLO · 10/12/2023 17:52

Sounds like he looks great, is taking pride in his appearance and wears these things to make himself feel good - you know, like women do?

diddl · 10/12/2023 17:54

Presumably the logo is of your husband's business?

Why would a client pay for that?

MasterBeth · 10/12/2023 17:55

I would say it's none of your business what your husband chooses to wear after work. He probably can't be arsed to change when he gets home. Entirely up to him.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 10/12/2023 17:57

I'll probably get shot for saying this but men are easy. They will wear anything if you tell them they look hot.

"Everyone was saying how good you looked in that blue shirt last weekend"...blue shirt literally becomes worn to death.

Probably applies to women too...I often wear clothes that others have complimented when I wear them.

SkySecret · 10/12/2023 17:57

I’m on the fence with this, hard to judge without more details. My DP is a builder, so he has workwear too. First thing he puts on in a morning if he’s working or if he’s doing home/garden/car jobs which I guess makes sense. He does sometimes sit in it after work when we watch tv etc, or might still have it on when we eat at night, but does usually change eventually into joggers or something comfy for watching tv, as it’s annoying if he’s dirty and we can’t cuddle.

we do go shopping with him in his workwear if he’s been working, usually only supermarket/food shopping. Doesn’t bother me too much, but if we were specifically going out (we’re planning on going to a large out of town shopping mall after work one night this week) I’d expect him to change and I don’t doubt he would do.

There’s times he’s so dirty he’ll come home and straight into bath or shower so would obviously not then put any work clothes back on afterwards!

”Well actually if he's had a wet/muddy day then he'll put clean/dry trousers or jeans on, but always keeps the shirt and tie on. Sometimes done up properly, sometimes loosened with the top button open.”

This is weird, lazy and would annoy me, if you going to half change you may as well fully change?! Back when I used to have “work clothes” (not a uniform, but somewhat smart clothes I only used for work) I hated spending my spare time in them!! So I don’t understand that at all.

SkySecret · 10/12/2023 18:00

I don’t understand why you feel you can’t ask him to get changed. You’re not saying he looks bad in his work clothes, you’re not saying for him to change what his uniform is, you’re just saying “we’re going out not, can you change into non work wear please?” Surely as a gardener he gets dirty and needs a shower?

My DP knows I find his grubby builder look hot, but also doesn’t take offence if I tell him to look smarter for something we’re doing after work! I did it on Thursday night! No bother whatsoever….

Original poster
cornbeeflegs · 10/12/2023 18:03

Oh well first of all I don't know anything about the client who paid for the uniform, and I don't really think I can quiz DH about it too much.
All I know is that he charges some clients a lot of money because they are 'entitled wankers' as he calls them, but they give him year round work and generally pay on time, and apart from appearance leave him to get on with things.
Yes the logo is his business logo.

OP posts:
BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 10/12/2023 18:03

No harm asking him to change when he gets in from work, quick shower and relaxed clothes. Tell him kindly you miss seeing him in his normal clothes, and sick of looking at the bloodywell tie, make a joke about it.

Mirabai · 10/12/2023 18:15

Go DH we need more smartness in the world. Although personally I’d have gone for a tweed jacket and cords - don’t like fleeces.

2jacqi · 10/12/2023 18:28

@cornbeeflegs actually, him wearing his work emblem can actually get him work when he isnt looking!! I was in getting new tyres a few years ago and a gardener was also in and not happy because he needed to be out earning! i immediately gave him a job to come and cut down bushes and cut the grass and he was glad he actually was there when i needed him! you also have to understand that spring summer autumn months are really busy for gardeners!

Original poster
cornbeeflegs · 10/12/2023 18:50

2jacqi · 10/12/2023 18:28

@cornbeeflegs actually, him wearing his work emblem can actually get him work when he isnt looking!! I was in getting new tyres a few years ago and a gardener was also in and not happy because he needed to be out earning! i immediately gave him a job to come and cut down bushes and cut the grass and he was glad he actually was there when i needed him! you also have to understand that spring summer autumn months are really busy for gardeners!

It's not going to get him more work at home though is it?!

OP posts:
BigFatLiar · 10/12/2023 18:51

It's a bit old fashioned in some ways. OH's dad was a labourer and wore a shirt and tie to some of his jobs, depending upon what they were doing. We have a photo of the group all at work with them in shirts and ties and the foreman in a suit. Different times.

DuesToTheDirt · 10/12/2023 18:54

cornbeeflegs · 10/12/2023 17:48

I don't think I can tell him that though. It's his business, his clients

Show quote history

I never saw my great-uncle in anything but a shirt and tie, even when he was busy in his garden. A generational thing I guess!

Stresa22 · 10/12/2023 18:56

Leave him alone. You sound like you are looking for something to have a problem with.

Whattodo112222 · 10/12/2023 19:04

This is such a first world problem. I sincerely couldn't get wound up about a bloke who grafts.

I'm sure if he was a lazy, good for nothing, slob of a pig you wouldn't be happy either.

I'd let it go.. he's trying his best.