Am I overreacting to be annoyed by my husbands attitude?

[Bear27]

My husband came home from work and asked me why I sounded down so I told him that I was upset because I had a fallout with family on my side and that I just wanted to talk to him. He was extremely dismissive and proceeded to tell me he needs me to do xyz whilst he’s away next month and for the next half an hour just kept demanding things until he eventually said ‘so what’s going on then’ and I just said that I didn’t feel like talking about it since he hadn’t made me feel like he cares. He told me I’m overreacting and he does care that’s why he’s now asking so am I going to tell him or not. I just explained that I was surprised he didn’t think my upset was important enough to pause and find out. Then he just said I’m just trying to cause an argument but I wasn’t I just didn’t feel like telling him at all because of how he reacted when I said I was upset. he kept telling me he hadn’t done anything wrong for me to be annoyed at him about and then a couple of hours later he said that he probably should have asked me what was wrong first. But his whole attitude I just don’t even want to talk to him about it because of the lack of care he showed.This isn’t the first time something like this has happened and I just wonder is it me that’s highly sensitive?

btw this happened yesterday and we have spoken since (not about the fallout) but a little general chat, not much, I’ve just been very quiet. I’m just a bit hurt. 😔

How often do you fall out with family members / other people in general? How often does he have to listen to you complain about them? He is being less unreasonable if this is a regular occurrence.

I think your husband was demanding and insensitive
I think you need to learn when to step back from conversations where you feel unheard.
Your opinion is of equal value to your family and your husband.

Am I overreacting to be annoyed by my husbands attitude?
No. I could answer that just from reading the title. Husbands are annoying.* *
He was extremely dismissive
That's annoying and hurtful.
He told me I’m overreacting
Strange that he thinks he's entitled to evaluate how you react to things.
he just said I’m just trying to cause an argument
That's rich from the man who hears you say 'I was upset because I had a fallout with family' and 'I just wanted to talk to him' but responds by 'proceed[ing]to tell me he needs me to do xyz whilst he’s away next month and for the next half an hour just kept demanding things'
he kept telling me he hadn’t done anything wrong
Gaslighting.
This isn’t the first time something like this has happened
He does it deliberately and is used to getting away with it.
I just wonder is it me that’s highly sensitive?
No, but he wants you to think you are. If he progresses, he will say you are sensitive, mentally unstable, 'crazy'. He might not progress. Watch out for it. It's not you, it's him.
I’m just a bit hurt.
Of course you are. You wanted support from the person who is supposed to be on your side. You didn't get it. Your needs weren't met. Then he told you he hadn't done anything wrong and you are oversensitive.
Questioning yourself about whether you've talked too often about issues with your family, that won't help. You need to bolster your self esteem (therapy perhaps?) and keep track of his behaviour. Abusers start small and build up.

I think it makes a difference if fallings out with family and friends is something that happens a lot or if this was a really unusual event, like a PP said.

I think that it’s fine to expect to be able to talk to your husband about stuff, but maybe don’t choose a time when he’s busy and stressed and trying to sort something out and hasn’t got the brain space to deal with an emotional conversation. If I was stressing about a work trip and my partner wanted to tell me the ins and outs of a row with his family right there and then at that precise time, I might not be that receptive tbh. I’d rather wait until the other stuff was sorted and then make proper time to discuss it afterwards.

I also have no time for the “No, don’t bother, I don’t want to tell you at all now” thing. It’s childish and petty. You wanted to talk, he offered to talk, and then you said no because it wasn’t at the precise time that you wanted his attention. If I were in his position that would piss me off. Don’t make a big deal of something and then decide it’s nothing when you actually get the chance to have the conversation you wanted.

No this is not a regular occurrence.

And he wasn’t busy with anything work related, I always am cautious not to start trying to discuss things when I know he’s stressed with work. This definitely wasn’t one of those times. Sorry it’s hard to explain everything in one post. And I appreciate it might be a little childish that I now don’t want to talk about it now he’s ready to listen but it didn’t seem like he cared initially so I just feel like what’s the point.