Had my ex done this on purpose?

29 replies

imnotthenarc · 10/12/2023 09:21

Had has....I know it

Long story. Ex husband. Emotionally abusive, manipulative, controlling....narcissist.
I have not seen him in 6 weeks since I called the police.

Today is the first day he is seeing dc. Exh is collecting him from my mums and dropping him off at my mums although I was going to be present.

This morning I had 2 texts from my friends asking if I was ok. I then realised that this was because last night he changed his relationship status on social media and to in a relationship with his new girlfriend.

This is only weeks after us ending. The relationship I'm not bothered about - or at least I don't think I am. The tears might come later.

But it's the fact he changed it just before I was supposed to see him for the first time. Has he done that on purpose do you think?

I ended up dropping the dc off at my mums and leaving and I won't be there tonight when he drops them off either now....so his plan failed if that was the case!

I don't know how to feel

OP posts:

AmazingDayz · 10/12/2023 10:21

I’m not sure why your friends texted you to tell you this or even why they have him as a friend on social media?

Original poster

imnotthenarc · 10/12/2023 10:30

AmazingDayz · 10/12/2023 10:21

I’m not sure why your friends texted you to tell you this or even why they have him as a friend on social media?

Because I've had police involvement, because he's put me through hell.

I'm so thankful that they did! If they didn't, I would have seen him this morning and probably subjected myself to even more pain from him.

My friends have done nothing wrong. They have my back.

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NotStayingIn · 10/12/2023 10:54

It sounds like for now it will be handy to have some friends loosely keep an eye on his social media to see what he's up to, so you can be prepared for any surprises he might try and spring on you. There will come a point where you will feel you don't need it, nothing he does will matter. But it's such early days still. Big congratulations for getting out of the relationship, that's a brilliant achievement and you should be so proud of how strong you have been!

Original poster

imnotthenarc · 10/12/2023 10:56

Nicole1111 · 10/12/2023 10:19

Now you’ve taken away so much of his control he’s going to be coming out with any little petty tactics he can to get to you. Keep doing what you’re doing and invest time into doing self esteem work (the book overcoming low self esteem is excellent and on the nhs recommended reading list). It might look like he is “happy” in the short term while you are traumatised and healing but he is guaranteed a lifetime of miserable unhealthy relationships in which his partners have to be coerced to stay and you’re building foundations for lasting meaningful happiness and learning how to have truly healthy relationships. You’re doing a great job 💕

Thank you so much.

I am doing ok - no tears though I am worried they will come later. Sat at home enjoying the peace thinking about how much more content I am without him.

I think I just struggled to realise that people like him do exist. I try to see the good in everyone and especially with him. So it's hard to realise that I am not actually the problem - he is.

The freedom programme was amazing and I am definitely going to continue working on myself in 2024.

My legal aid is sorted so I'm ready to file for divorce too.

It's just a weird pain. I am ok but I'm not. It's breaking the trauma bond I guess xx

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