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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

“If you have the time…”

10 replies

Fraaahnces · 10/12/2023 02:27

When we returned from 9yrs living overseas, he returned to play in the sporting team that he had played in as a kid and seemed miffed that no one knew who he was and no red carpet was rolled out for him.
It turned out that the board were embezzling money and of course DH became embroiled in the politics and is now the President. He works FT and is there every single night of the week and all day every weekend.
I work two part-time jobs. I have worked 9 days in a row and I have severe cardiomyopathy. I’m really tired.
DH has taken this week off work to run a tournament at this club. Today is my only day off for ten days. He asked as he left the house, “If you have time, can you throw the towels in the bathroom in the wash?”, chats about sport for a bit, “If you have time, can you clear the dining table?” (It has four egg cartons he has emptied and left there, envelopes addressed to him - opened and left there and two boxes nearly as big as me with god knows what in them, I couldn’t lift if I tried. Chat, chat, chat…. “Oh, if you have time, can you see what the smell is in the fridge and give it a clean out?” (I fucking asked him to do that last week and he has promised every day to do this) He has also left torn paper shopping bags next to the bin, the recycling on the floor next to the bin. He has to go past the fucking recycling on his way to the car. “Oh and I told DS that I don’t have time to drop him at work. Can you do that at x time? He finishes at x time. You’ll have to collect him then.”
He wondered why I just told him that his priorities are fucked up and I am going to make time to do things that affect me and delegate most of those tasks back to him. I have plans today - I need to go Christmas shopping before DD leaves for home on Thurs and it’s my only day off. It’s MY fucking time. I haven’t been home to make these messes. It’s him!!

OP posts:
Sholkedabemus · 10/12/2023 02:30

What exactly are you getting out of being with this dick?

Thedogscollar · 10/12/2023 02:57

Jesus fucking christ you only have one life so ffs do not spend the rest of it with this complete shit.
No one deserves this level of fucking disrespect.

parietal · 10/12/2023 03:08

Answer - no I don't have the time.

Then go out and do your own thing.

SunRainStorm · 10/12/2023 03:17

"No, I don't have time to do your chores. Who do you think you are?"

mathanxiety · 10/12/2023 03:39

He clearly thinks you're his PA.

Tilllly · 10/12/2023 03:42

Hi,
Have you checked your contract to see if these jobs are in it? What does it say your hours of employment are?
Does the entitled morons' DW treat you like this too?

Ohhhh you are the....

Itsbritneybitch22 · 10/12/2023 05:23

Oh wow

Fraaahnces · 10/12/2023 06:01

Rest assured I have done none of these things and have snoozed happily with the dog. He is going to be spoken to tonight and so are the almost adults who have been on school holidays and contributed nothing to the household other than laundry and mess.

OP posts:
Newestname002 · 10/12/2023 06:43

Keeping my fingers crossed that your talk was effective and some progress is in the immediate future. Your "D"H needs a good shake (yet another job for you "if you have time"). Why wouldn't he have thrown the towels in the wash himself, since he'd noticed them? Or tidy up after himself and not create mess, or pull his weight at home? Why is he treating you like the housemaid? Lazy git?

Perhaps look into quiet quitting (there've been various threads on this to do with pretty much with quietly and politely working to rule) - though maybe you've already started that?

Take care of you @Fraaahnces. 🌹

Fraaahnces · 10/12/2023 07:59

Thanks everyone. He’s normally much better than this. I’m putting this down to “Head Up Arse Syndrome.” He will be told in very small words (and given a list) what I expect to be done before my next day off. (Wed week)

OP posts:
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