To want to spend Christmas at home?!

[Ticsmum]

For the past 10 years, we've spent Christmas here, there and everywhere because DH doesn't want to spend it at home just us which I do understand as it's about family time and fun with friends, I get it.

But we now have an almost 7 month old and I want to be at home for Christmas, I want to start new traditions, a cosy slow day, a dog walk, opening presents, cooking a lovely Christmas dinner, feet up with a glass of wine after and binge on chocolate and cheese and crackers and as baby gets older do new things that we can do every year as a family tradition even if it's simple like pjs on by 6pm and sit down with nibbly bits and watch a Christmas movie.

We currently leave the house at around 8am because both of our parents are remarried so we have 4 hours to go to, then I am close to my aunt (she helped my grandparents raise me) and DH Nan and Grandad who he's very close to. That's 6 houses we have to visit on Christmas Day, and every year it's a battle to decide where we are for Christmas dinner because his Mum cops the arse if we don't go there, my Mum gets upset about it, our Dad's are pretty chilled and we always have an invite to theirs too.

This year, we are spending it with his Nan and Grandad plus BIL and SIL and I'm looking forward to it but I've said next year I would like to be at home, DH isn't having any of this and says it'll be boring.

He also can't stay in NYE, I asked for compromise maybe we alternate a Christmas Day at home or a NYE at home, nope we have to be with family and/or friends.

I don't particularly like NYE anyway and would happily spend the evening in and watch the fireworks on the TV with the dog by my feet, baby tucked up in bed and then go to bed myself.

I'm 30 so I'm not old I just don't have any interest in being out past 10pm now I have a baby to look after!

How can I bring this to some kind of compromise? Is it boring to spend Christmas the 3 of you playing games, opening presents, Christmas films etc? Am I just really boring?!

I mean, have you ever visited 6 different places in a day with your baby before? How on earth does your DH think that is going to work?! On DDs first Christmas she was 3 months, and people travelled to us for a few hours. Next time she was 15 months, we visited 2 houses (one 5 mins away and one an hour away). It was exhausting and stressful, everything was rushed and nobody was particularly happy. Visiting 6 houses is absolutely bonkers with a baby, and will only get worse as they get older.

He is not the boss.

It's important to know that, really know it. He also has to compromise. If he won't, refuse to go.

Sounds like utter helll with a baby. Dh and I both stopped doing this when we had dc. We spend the day at home, who ever wants to pop by can do that and we get on with doing things OUR way. Like hell would I be dragging my dc around from house to house to please everyone else but us!

Nobody invites us so we have opposite problem! However on reflection your day sounds far too busy. That will be really hard work for everyone as it's too much for a baby. I imagine he will be having a beer too & leave you doing childcare?

Nip it in the bud now. The DC won't want to be trailing off round the houses (literally!) on xmas day. They'll want to be at home, playing with their new toys!

Call it a day now. Perhaps saying you're open for visits on the 24th and 26th, but the actual day you want as just the 3 of you.

We currently leave the house at around 8am because both of our parents are remarried so we have 4 hours to go to, then I am close to my aunt (she helped my grandparents raise me) and DH Nan and Grandad who he's very close to. That's 6 houses we have to visit on Christmas Day

That's just ridiculous.
I mean, completely ridiculous without a baby, but impossible with.

I personally think I'd go to one of them this year whilst you still have a baby, and start staying at home when they get a bit older, but I'd only be going to one place (or potentially call for drinks somewhere on the way to dinner somewhere else).

Why not have family have a get together between Christmas and New Year - so you get to see everyone but with less pressure than Christmas day..... could do a sort of shared lunch or something.

I do think with a baby it is a bit early to 'start own traditions' and it is likely to turn into 'just another day' and not seem very special, but why not invite one set of the people you want to see to you this year - or go to them, then take turns wih different people on other years (either at yours or at theirs).

You're two extremes and you just need to find a compromise. Hosting for drop ins sounds reasonable. If he likes a big family Christmas I think it's unfair to expect him to be excited at the suggestion of sitting around just the three of you...you could literally do this any weekend! Equally though his attitude seems to be very all or nothing, which I wouldn't be happy with. And the sheer amount of people you are trying to fit in is a step too far IMO.

We are lucky that are parents are local and like hosting so we always get to wake up and go to bed in our own house but we tend to do one set for lunch and one for tea. We try to coordinate with siblings and their kids etc but if we don't cross over with them then that's fine. Im an introvert generally but I love a busy, hectic Christmas but I draw the line at two houses! Equally we could do one set one day and one the other or whatever and I wouldn't pander to someone who said I 'must' come for lunch.

We do the whole sitting around eating and watching TV on boxing day while DS entertains himself with his new toys.

I wouldn't stop someone going out and enjoying NYE if they wanted to but there's no reason you have to go too. I'd just expect him to not be so hungover that he can't go for a walk or a lunch out the next day.

ETA I'm sorry I've just read again and can see your parents aren't together. There's no way I would see all sets on the same day then unless they are happy to come to yours. It annoys me when parents who are separated expect this as it's not your fault they aren't together.