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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am i being petty

37 replies

redreb · 09/12/2023 19:04

I cook all meals.
The odd time i might tell dh i cant be bothered but he will only cook a basic goujons & chips dinner.

If i dont want to cook, i wait a little while then i give in and suggest a takeaway because hes not said anything.

Tonight i told him i dont want to cook, hes not gotten up to cook, im starving and now im just waiting it out. (Kids fed btw)

Tbh i want to see how long it will take him.

I feel annoyed that feeding us is my responsibility.

Considering i do it 98% of the time i would appreciate some sort of ownership from him as to what we are going to have if i dont want to cook.

Aibu, do i starve and see what happens or just suggest something? As per usual!

OP posts:
Tothemoonandbackx · 09/12/2023 19:06

Just let him know you'd like him to cook, and what you'd like.

Jonismorf · 09/12/2023 19:07

Do you both work full-time?

44PumpLane · 09/12/2023 19:10

Just say to him "I'd like you to sort dinner tonight, but I don't want takeout or goujons so can you please sort something as I'm quite hungry"

Original poster
redreb · 09/12/2023 19:10

@Jonismorf im home with the baby he works full time.

OP posts:
Coldsore · 09/12/2023 19:15

What do you cook for the children? Why don’t you just cook more of that and eat it with them/later if you want to? (This applies to him too)

Christmasss · 09/12/2023 19:17

Just do yourself a salad, omelette, jacket potato etc and leave him to sort himself out.

GrumpyOldCrone · 09/12/2023 19:20

If you were going to cook tonight, what would you make? Can he make the same thing?

Torganer · 09/12/2023 19:20

If my husband was the main cook and he decided he didn’t want to one evening, then I’d probably get a takeaway too. I love cooking, but I do the online shop so I know what I want to cook and have the ingredients. I’d be a bit annoyed if it was sprung on me one evening. Why don’t you speak to him about it and take it in turns, but give him the opportunity to shop and cook what he’d like?

EveryKneeShallBow · 09/12/2023 19:22

Does nobody converse with their partner like adults? Use your words. Say I’m not cooking tonight. There’s xyz in the fridge, will you please cook that or your choice?

TeaKitten · 09/12/2023 19:24

Just talk to him about it and tell him to cook more, or when you cook for the kids cook more for the 2 of you.

BloodandGlitter · 09/12/2023 19:25

I'd need at least 24 hours notice if I was expecting someone else to cook, then was told I was to cook instead. It's time to defrost meat and check what we have in. I do the same for DH, he gets at least 24-hour notice, or we cook for ourselves or order take out.

dastidlydaschel · 09/12/2023 19:25

Yes you're being petty. Try having an actual conversation like an adult and negotiate him cooking a proper meal once a week. Just not having anything to see how long he waits to suggest takeaway is stupid.

In most households people assume roles over time. My DH does all the laundry. If he stopped doing it suddenly it'd take me a while to notice. If he said to me "please could you put a load on at weekends" I'd say yes of course I can.

You've over time assumed the role of cook. If you want that to change you need to speak up.

Richie23 · 09/12/2023 19:26

I guess if you cook most of the time then it’s not something that is necessarily going to be on his mind to be thinking ahead to.
You just need to communicate to him that you don’t want to cook every night. Why don’t you suggest that he cooks dinner on a Wednesday every week? Then he has time to think of something to make each week. I imagine if you tell him you don’t want to cook tonight then he’s just throwing something together. At least if he knows ahead of time that he’ll be cooking then he can make something nicer than goujons.

tearsandtiaras · 09/12/2023 19:27

What do the children eat? Do you not eat with them?

Penguin34 · 09/12/2023 19:28

I cook nearly all our meals, sometimes I can't be arsed so I say to my Dh

I can't be arsed to cook, we were going to have paella but I just don't want to do it so you can cook that or something else

And he then cooks that or something else!

Brefugee · 09/12/2023 19:29

while i think he should do more, it's not a good move to wait and expect him to know you aren't going to cook. You need to be clear in advance, with enough warning, for him to think about what to cook

More openness would help here.

Catza · 09/12/2023 19:29

Repeat after me
”Darling, can you please sort us some dinner tonight”

Junemoon222 · 09/12/2023 19:31

This reply has been deleted

We're afraid we don't believe that the OP is genuine so we've removed their threads and posts.

Housebuyer37 · 09/12/2023 19:34

If you're a SAHM I would expect most of the cooking to fall to you tbh. If you don't fancy cooking one night just tell him!

ThePoshUns · 09/12/2023 19:36

You need to have a simple conversation. For example
You - what shall we have for dinner this evening? It's your turn to cook.

Simple.

ChiIIieP · 09/12/2023 20:27

If he works full time and you're a sahm I'd kind of expect the cooking to be on you. But give and take somewhere. Just speak up. If you do the cooking how does he know you don't want to tonight? I do the cooking and occasionally I just say to my DH would you mind cooking tonight I'm a bit done in, job done.

tachycardigan · 09/12/2023 20:32

Tell him he needs to cook on weekends and you’ll cook weekdays. If he won’t cook, just feed yourself every day.

Pineapplewaves · 09/12/2023 20:36

I'm a SAHM and I do all the cooking (and the food shop but I do it online, in peace when DC are asleep). I write a meal plan so I know what I'm cooking every evening and don't have to think about it. Most of the time I like to cook from scratch but I do have stuff in the freezer that I can cook when I can't be bothered like pasta with stir in sauce and garlic bread, fish and chips that just need to chucked in the oven for 20 minutes. If you're a SAHM I don't think it's unreasonable that most of the cooking is down to you. Hand the baby to DH though, if they're still up, DH hasn't seen them all day!

SausageMonkey2 · 09/12/2023 20:43

“I don’t fancy cooking tonight. Will you do something or shall we get a takeaway?”

like adults.

Catniagara · 12/05/2024 01:21

Treat yourself to a lovely dinner out with friends. 🥰