Feeling like I'm losing my mind to be honest. I feel quite depressed, all I do is worry about my relationship and whether my DP is abusive. Embarrassed myself at Christmas night out crying about it all and just honestly feel like a shell of myself. Have no self esteem and feel like bursting into tears any time someone tries to give me a compliment. I've started going to a counsellor in the hopes I can get back to being myself.
I'm struggling to understand what's got me here. I've had issues in the past I've not dealt with but I was doing really well a few years ago. I also have a DP who criticises me all the time and is just angry a lot. He's trying to be better now that I'm going to counselling and says that will help as he won't be so angry if I'm not as miserable as its me bringing things down. I feel like he's actually a big part of how I've ended up this way. Other than something that happened to me nearly 20 years ago, there's not a lot of things that have impacted my MH. When I bring things up it always seems to turn around to what I need to work on. Does it sound like I've caused the relationship to deteriorate to this point because I've not dealt with past issues? Or does it sound like a DP who's emotionally abusive and gaslighting?