deliberately late people rage

moderationincludingmoderation · 2023-12-09T17:50:23+00:00

There are a few people in my life who are DELIBERATELY late. I find consistent lateness intolerable and SO rude even when 'accidental' but there are some bastards who feign accidental lateness, when they know EXACTLY what they are doing and it is SO BLOODY RUDE. Especially when it involves picking their child up from your house.

ANightingale · 09/12/2023 17:52

Tell them an earlier time than you actually want them to arrive.

ChanelNo19EDT · 09/12/2023 17:57

I agree, it's not hard to figure out what time to leave. My old friend turns up late running in stressed saying "omg I was so afraid of being late" so, she kept me waiting, yet, I'm the bad guy. People might say "well, be late yourself" but then the table would be given away. Or there'd be no sitting space left.

tescocreditcard · 09/12/2023 17:59

ANightingale · 09/12/2023 17:52

Tell them an earlier time than you actually want them to arrive.

This. It's easy.

Original poster

moderationincludingmoderation · 09/12/2023 18:00

ANightingale · 09/12/2023 17:52

Tell them an earlier time than you actually want them to arrive.

Oh I've tried this. Works for some but there's one person I deal with whose level of lateness transcends this move!

OP posts:

SutWytTi · 09/12/2023 18:02

moderationincludingmoderation · 09/12/2023 18:00

Oh I've tried this. Works for some but there's one person I deal with whose level of lateness transcends this move!

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Either speak directly about their lateness or stop allowing these situations to occur.

Jackfrostnippingatmynose · 09/12/2023 18:10

I have a dear friend of 30 years who will be late for her own funeral ! I refuse to wait for her any more and when we do meet up 3 or 4 times a year always give her a time 30-45mins before an actual lunch or dinner booking and she'll just about be on time.
She's sadly lost jobs over her poor time keeping and now works for herself. Love her to bits but she'll never change. She just can't track time and always tries to squeeze in one more task before she leaves the house!

LovelyDaaling · 09/12/2023 18:19

This behaviour will continue until there are consequences for them.
You need to tell them that the lateness impacts on your plans so when you agree a time with them, you'd be obliged if they would be punctual in future .
Having said that, if they persist in lateness, it's time to cut ties with them. They have no respect for you.

OhcantthInkofaname · 09/12/2023 18:22

moderationincludingmoderation · 09/12/2023 18:00

Oh I've tried this. Works for some but there's one person I deal with whose level of lateness transcends this move!

Show quote history

Then don't deal with them anymore! Simply tell them to stop being late.

Original poster

moderationincludingmoderation · 09/12/2023 18:24

Parent of my child's best friend so cutting ties isn't an option. I'm willing to put up with it for their sake.

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Begsthequestion · 09/12/2023 18:31

I'm curious to know how you discern if someone is accidently or deliberately late?

MammaTo · 09/12/2023 18:56

I have a friend like this. She purposefully will arrive late or mess up plans because she “doesnt like plans” or being held to a schedule. She’s lost jobs over time keeping before. We have minimal meet ups nowadays.

Qwerty556 · 09/12/2023 19:01

I hate this.

It's as though they feel their time is more important than mine.

Jackfrostnippingatmynose · 09/12/2023 19:05

Need a bit more detail. Is she late leaving work/commuting hell and picking him up from yours every time, so that you feed her child? Or is it something else less regular?
If you're looking after her DC regularly for her (as opposed to late collecting from a play date) then let her know you'll have to charge her your full childcare rate. If its playdates maybe suggest your DC go to hers instead?

CountTo10 · 09/12/2023 19:59

As a single person (happily so) I accept I will never now be anyone's number 1 priority however it doesn't stop it being hurtful when people cancel plans at the last minute or are significantly late. It just emphasises that you don't really matter.

My sister is the worst for lateness though. She lives in another city an hour away and she always really late but always makes an excuse about 'traffic'. The thing is we're on Life 360 (for reasons too complicated to go into and not relevant to the thread) so I can see exactly when she set off. Examples in the past few months: arranging to meet at 11am at mine to meet another group of my friends for an activity and seeing that at 10:45 she still hadn't set off; arranging for a mobile tech guy to fix her phone at mine, again appointment for 11 and she sets off at 10:35 and finally meeting in a restaurant near mine before going to a gig. The table was booked for 6pm and she sets off at 5:45 and there was genuinely a bad crash on the motorway and she didn't arrive until 7:30 so we missed the support and the main act coming on stage in addition have a very rushed meal. It's so hurtful.

Original poster

moderationincludingmoderation · 10/12/2023 22:55

Jackfrostnippingatmynose · 09/12/2023 19:05

Need a bit more detail. Is she late leaving work/commuting hell and picking him up from yours every time, so that you feed her child? Or is it something else less regular?
If you're looking after her DC regularly for her (as opposed to late collecting from a play date) then let her know you'll have to charge her your full childcare rate. If its playdates maybe suggest your DC go to hers instead?

It's playdates... and we take it turns but i am never late to collect.
To add, I dont mind if they're running late.. it happens. But a text or call to warn me wpuld be nice... or an apology!

OP posts:

Original poster

moderationincludingmoderation · 10/12/2023 22:57

Jackfrostnippingatmynose · 09/12/2023 19:05

Need a bit more detail. Is she late leaving work/commuting hell and picking him up from yours every time, so that you feed her child? Or is it something else less regular?
If you're looking after her DC regularly for her (as opposed to late collecting from a play date) then let her know you'll have to charge her your full childcare rate. If its playdates maybe suggest your DC go to hers instead?

Oh and its a 'he'

OP posts:

Original poster

moderationincludingmoderation · 10/12/2023 22:58

Begsthequestion · 09/12/2023 18:31

I'm curious to know how you discern if someone is accidently or deliberately late?

Because this same person is conveniently often early to drop off yet late to pick up...

OP posts:

Mariposista · 10/12/2023 23:36

I bet he wouldn’t be late to catch a flight to go on holiday…

Original poster

moderationincludingmoderation · 11/12/2023 08:48

Mariposista · 10/12/2023 23:36

I bet he wouldn’t be late to catch a flight to go on holiday…

This is exactly what my DH and I say. I'm sure they aren't late for flights, interviews etc.

It's people who are 'late' when it's convenient for them

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dothehokeycokey · 11/12/2023 09:41

Aargh this is so rude

I work in a industry where I'm booked up back to back and have had to implement very harsh rules about lateness this last year because people don't seem to give a shit

The excuses are unreal but I now don't tolerate it at all

It shows a lack of respect for the person who's waiting and that the late persons time is more important than yours and the knock in effect.

My mum and my sister both behave like it and I stopped going for breakfast with them in my only day off eventually because we would end up leaving near in an hour later than booked.
I stopped booking anywhere and said we would have to see where we could get a table and that failed miserably aswell and In the end I was late for other things I had planned and blew a gasket about it

It's so very selfish of people.

I just don't take them now and my stress levels are much better