Also fuming at DH and not sure exactly why

[Maluki]

I was in the kitchen and DH called me upstairs for 'something important' which turned out to be that he'd found an earring, fair enough.

I then popped into our ensuite loo and he went downstairs. I noticed a puddle of water on the floor under the toilet. I wasn't sure if something was leaking, DH had had an aiming problem using the loo, or had stood there dripping wet for a while - but didn't want to clear up his pee if it was that.

I came out and saw DH was no longer in the room. I went to top if stairs and yelled "do you know what this puddle under the loo is?"

DH yelled back very irritably "I can't hear you, don't shout"

So I went downstairs, feeling a bit irritated and pointed out to him that I was doing exactly what he did 3 minutes previously, i.e. yell from bedroom to kitchen, and that I didn't get all huffy about it.

I then asked him about the puddle and specifically, whether he had stood there to shave whilst wet. He said "oh, maybe". I went up and cleaned it up.

When I came down I was still irritated and said I was cross that he yelled at me and told me off for doing precisely what he had done 3 mins previously. He said that I "had accused him of peeing on the floor" when I shouted down, I reminded him I had only yelled to ask about the puddle of water and hadn't yelled "have you pissed on the floor". He said that's what it felt like, and how would I like it if he yelled out "is this a used tampon?"

For some reason this has really made me angry. It feels misogynistic. I didn't yell asking if he had spunked everywhere or anything male specific. Women also pee so actually the equivalent would have been just the same, if he had yelled "what's this puddle of water" I wouldn't have got the hump.

Why is this making me so angry? Because it's crude and shaming women? Fwiw I don't have periods any more anyway.....

I think you're just grumpy. Go and have a walk x

I think you're overreacting to be honest

Well you were both doing the massively irritating shouting, so i don't think you can be too peeved about that. Why did you clean up after him?

FGS.

What a long post over nothing!
You're both a bit UR, and the fuss over some water is mad

Both of us were calling to each other, not shouting, but he got pissy at me for doing just what he had done.

I think it's the false equivalence of him interpreting that I was yelling to the whole house that he had pissed on the floor (which I wasn't) when men aren't routinely expected to feel shame around urination, whereas women are made to feel shame about periods.

Calling down the stairs "do you know why there's a puddle under the loo" - whilst I concede he could have interpreted that I was accusing him of peeing on the floor, I wasn't - is not the same as theoretically calling down the stairs "is this a used tampon". It just isn't.

So no one else has ever been period shamed then and gets why that might be triggering?
Lucky you.

Bit of a non issue. Maybe you're both got the grumps today.

The fact that he wouldn't be able to tell the difference between a used and unused tampon is the worst part of this non-story

Six of one and half a dozen of the other. If it's even true. Big eye-roll.

Op, you were saying exactly that. You thought he'd peed on the floor. YABU.

I get it, OP.

DH does the same, shouts from upstairs. I just ignore him until he comes down.

The misogyny is two fold, first that he expects you to come to him when he talks to you and doesn’t come to you when you want to talk to him.

And secondly the equivalence of the puddle with a used tampon.

Ok I have calmed down now

I appreciate this wasn't a LTB issue.

I was disproportionately angry though and just trying to work out why it had upset me so much.

@ButterCupPie if I were going to make up a story it would have been a lot more dramatic and a lot less trivial!