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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sprinkling ashes near to Christmas

13 replies

Rose5643 · 09/12/2023 12:16

my partners family decided to sprinkle their nans ashes at the beach today to get it over with before Christmas. I was a bit reluctant to do this so close to Christmas and because I’m off work due to stress at the moment (although his family are unaware of this) I agreed to go to support my partner. My partners dad then cancelled on the morning because he has a bad stomach. He asked my partners sister to call and break the news as he didn’t want to call. Just wondering if I’m being unreasonable being very upset about this as my partner wants to go out and do something Christmassy instead. He is annoyed that I can’t just ‘let it go’ and have a nice day instead? Just looking for thoughts on this as I don’t want to burden friends/family with it. Thanks

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 09/12/2023 12:17

Sorry but if he’s not well, he’s not well. Nothing to be so upset about 🤷‍♀️

supersonicginandtonic · 09/12/2023 12:18

I think it's up to his family when they sprinkle the ashes. It's a very very personal thing

ohyesohyesoh · 09/12/2023 12:20

Sorry to sound harsh, but you didn't want to scatter the ashes. And now they aren't being scattered today, you are still miffed ? I'm might be being daft but I don't get it.
Do you just want to stay at home today and not do anything ? Can't you just say that to your partner ?

Iwantmyoldnameback · 09/12/2023 12:20

It's such a busy time of year I'd make the most of a bonus day.

Singleandproud · 09/12/2023 12:22

I don't really see the problem. Even if it had happened today it's not that close to Christmas and surely that's a nice time to do it, bring the family together, remember some nice memories of the deceased.

Pillboxer · 09/12/2023 12:23

You didn’t want to scatter the ashes, now they’re not being scattered today because of illness, but you are pissed off with both scenarios?

Original poster
Rose5643 · 09/12/2023 12:24

I suppose I was wondering if it was unreasonable to be initially upset as my partner was able to carry on as if nothing had happened. I will follow his lead as it’s his family I suppose. Thanks for the advice it’s what I needed/wanted

OP posts:
Chipsandbeansandcheese · 09/12/2023 12:25

But why can’t you carry on? I don’t understand. And why are you making it all about you?

Keeva2017 · 09/12/2023 12:25

Yabu. Really, why do care? Get on with the day and try to have a nice time from this surprise day you can make special.

Sirzy · 09/12/2023 12:28

I’m not getting the problem here. Would you rather he spent the day sat weeping and wailing?

Pillboxer · 09/12/2023 12:28

Rose5643 · 09/12/2023 12:24

I suppose I was wondering if it was unreasonable to be initially upset as my partner was able to carry on as if nothing had happened. I will follow his lead as it’s his family I suppose. Thanks for the advice it’s what I needed/wanted

I’m not following your thinking. Nothing has happened, surely?

Pillboxer · 09/12/2023 12:30

Hang on, you think he’s supposed to be desperately upset because of the cancelled ashes scattering, and you’re annoyed he isn’t?

KrisAkabusi · 09/12/2023 12:36

Your partner is able to carry in as if nothing has happened because nothing has happened!

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