Suddenly not coping with my child despite being told this was an easier age?

Original poster

Undergroundsl · 09/12/2023 10:43

Sorry don’t know what I’m asking. It just feels hard and now I can’t see an end in sight

OP posts:

Pooheadbumbum · 09/12/2023 10:45

I have found this age extremely hard every time (4 children). This particular bit will last about 2 months, and then you will be into the equally annoying, opening drawers, taking stuff out, wrecking bookshelves etc phase.

i actually have always found years 2 & 3 the most difficult, but i really love little babies. Toddlers are fucking annoying.

It does get easier again, but you are absolutely not alone in hating this bit!

Ps. It doesn’t mean you are suddenly a bad parent, it just means, this bit isn’t you strong point and that’s ok!

Fernsfernsferns · 09/12/2023 10:52

Undergroundsl · 09/12/2023 10:42

I coped well with our baby for the first year. It was tiring but fine. Now they are 13 months it’s suddenly awful. Lots of crying. Resistance with food. Constant need for engagement from me. Basically like a baby but more active and less napping. I am finding it very hard. I was told so often that the first year was the worst and then it gets better but it hasn’t. I feel so low.

its different for different parents and different babies which hits we find harder.

As someone told me, we have to adjust ourselves and lives to being a parent sometime.

they were telling me that in the context of me having a very demanding newborn and finding it really tough, and really struggling with others saying how much they were enjoying eg trips to the park with their baby which I found a nightmare.

that baby was also demanding as this age but it was slightly better for me than the newborn phase!

if you’ve found the baby bit easy then them getting mobile and starting to have opinions can come as a shock.

But that is real parenting - it’s more of a negotiation than when they are really little and can decide everything and actually get plenty of breaks of they are good sleepers.

read up as bit

www.ahaparenting.com has great guides to ages and stages and behaviours and what they are telling you and how to respond.

and know this:

it’ll change again.

my first only really got easier when she could talk (which thankfully she did really young). She seemed to dislike the lack of autonomy of being a young baby.

years later she is still strong minded and independent and smart and curious and into everything!

Peaceful Parenting | Aha! Parenting

Whether you’re wondering how to handle a specific challenge, just figuring out your child-raising approach, or ready to tear your hair out, you’ve come to the right place.

http://www.ahaparenting.com

IAmAnIdiot123 · 09/12/2023 10:53

Undergroundsl · 09/12/2023 10:42

I coped well with our baby for the first year. It was tiring but fine. Now they are 13 months it’s suddenly awful. Lots of crying. Resistance with food. Constant need for engagement from me. Basically like a baby but more active and less napping. I am finding it very hard. I was told so often that the first year was the worst and then it gets better but it hasn’t. I feel so low.

Whoever says the first year is thr hardest either has the patience of a Saint or has not had a toddler!

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 09/12/2023 10:55

IAmAnIdiot123 · 09/12/2023 10:53

Whoever says the first year is thr hardest either has the patience of a Saint or has not had a toddler!

Show quote history

Or a teenager!!!!

seriously, the first 12 months to me with both mine were a dream. The 10-12 years since? Up and down nightmare!!

Outliers · 09/12/2023 10:58

My 18 month daughter is screaming/ crying loudly for no discernible reason as I read this.

So yeah I get it.

Prinnny · 09/12/2023 11:00

I found between 1-2 the worst age! They want to do things but are frustrated they can’t and they can’t communicate well
enough yet to tell you what they want! Sooooo draining. Just take it a day at a time and try and have a plan eg playgroup in the morning, lunch out and then home for nap and then painting/reading/playing.

Waitingfordoggo · 09/12/2023 11:06

You’re not doing anything wrong OP. Difficult stages can and do vary between individual children, and as parents we all have different skills and abilities so will find different stages harder. Some might say that the first year is hardest, many will say that 3 year-olds are hard work; lots find the teen years challenging…

DC1 was a nightmare between 2 weeks and 4 months (constant crying and hardly any sleep) then she was easier until she hit 3 when she unleashed the tantrums, then she was an absolute dream until a slightly tricky few months at 17 years old. Second DC has been pretty easy all the way through (is now 15 so possibly he has some horrors in store for his late teens 😂)

Hang in there- this too shall pass. 💐

Spirallingdownwards · 09/12/2023 11:07

Each stage is the hardest until you get used to it and then the next stage seems harder. The cycle then continues because you just haven't experienced that next stage yet.

Bireadwhatiread · 09/12/2023 11:08

They are frustrated. They want to walk and talk and play with all the things but their stupid body won't let them and its so fucking annoyinggggg. Brain is developing faster than body.

35965a · 09/12/2023 11:10

It does get easier however you’re still very much in the baby and toddler stage which, for some people including myself, is the worst! It gets easier bit by bit once they get to about 3 IMO. If you’re truly struggling to cope maybe you need to speak to a GP about PND but whether you are depressed or not the first few years are a slog.

jammysocks · 09/12/2023 11:11

Hugs OP. The ages and stages change regularly. All equally hard yet different.

4 kids here.

etmoiandme · 09/12/2023 11:12

Yeah this is the worst age I think OP - I found with mine it got a bit easier once they were a few months past turning 2. A lot of it is down to communication - once they're able to tell you what's wrong and what they want you'll find it a bit less bumpy (and you'll find their company a bit more rewarding too because that's when they start doing and saying the really funny shit).

Stressfordays · 09/12/2023 11:12

I love newborns and little babies, find them an absolute doddle. 10 months-4years I find really hard. 5+ easy peasy so far. I've got a teen boy and find him easy too, not so sure how I'll fair when my daughter hits teen years but I generally like being a parent currently. I've got 3 kids and feel like I'm in easy street atm!

Mimba1 · 09/12/2023 11:14

Every stage is different, every child is different and every parent is different. I'm figuring out that seems to mean different people will find different ages easier and more enjoyable.

I hated the first 12 months. I mean, detested it. Thought I was an awful mum of a difficult child. In reality he was no different to other babies, I just don't like the baby stage but couldn't see it at the time. And then suddenly the sun came out. He's 3 now and I've loved the last 2 years. He's a typical opinionated toddler, but I don't seem to mind - no idea why not. But I have mum friends who loved the baby stage and just don't like the toddler bit (to the point of deciding not to have another child because it's so awful for them).

Same as I could never do a sales job having to be all happy with other people all the time, but some people are amazing at it. And I love analysis and spreadsheets and other people would hate that because it's so boring to them.

Sounds like you bossed the baby stage way better than me - so maybe this bit isn't your ideal parenting job right now.

The good thing with kids is that they change all the time so your job changes regularly too and there's always an enjoyable bit around the corner.

I honestly don't think you need to worry - it's totally normal to feel like you do and won't be forever.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 09/12/2023 11:16

Totally normal. When DS was 6 months old I thought "How will I ever cope with being away from him?" I was dreading going back to work. By 12 months I needed to get a break for exactly the reasons you describe.

He settled in brilliantly at nursery 3 days a week and once I had respite from the relentlessness , I enjoyed the other days with him.

If you aren't going back yet then toddler groups and get out of the house as much as possible.

TheProvincialLady · 09/12/2023 11:23

The truth is that there is no easy age. Individual babies/children/adult children even are difficult/easy/enjoyable depending on their own personality and what’s going on for them at the time, parents’ personalities/preferences and what’s going on for them at the time, and the wider family/local/world context.

its ok to find this bit difficult. It will pass and you will find another stage or time easier. And then things will be challenging again, but in a different way. You will cope with that too. You’re not doing anything wrong and nor is your child. Parenting is a long and difficult marathon for most, but it’s mostly worth it!

Owlsoutsidethewindow · 09/12/2023 11:27

What fool told you a toddler was easier than a baby?
In my experience age 3.5+ became easier.

This is a very difficult age for children, who want to do things but can't physically, can't express themselves well verbally, and want to start having small amounts of independence. They also want to explore the world a bit more.

Are you the person who posted the other day about missing a child free life with a 13 month old?

Owlsoutsidethewindow · 09/12/2023 11:29

It's also worth noting that other parts of their brain develop much faster than their prefrontal cortex, which is what helps with emotional regulation etc - meaning meltdowns! Meltdowns aren't them being difficult, they physically can't process the emotions well yet. Just in case you have a lot of that and think "why?"

SnowsFalling · 09/12/2023 11:39

It will change.
Some kids suit different stages better. Some adults parent different stages better.
I had a baby who hated being a baby. He got better. But equally, there is a reason for the terrible toddler years reputation.
Hold on there. It will change - frequently at this age.

MereDintofPandiculation · 09/12/2023 11:43

I found it went in 6 month cycles.

It’s an interaction between child and adult. I don’t particularly like babies, I find children far more interesting , so it’s not surprising I find the first 18 months really hard.

Fernsfernsferns · 09/12/2023 12:01

Oh yeah and some childcare and going back to work is solid advice.

that phase is much easier when you’re not on it 24/7

and new environments tire them out

MammaTo · 09/12/2023 12:05

Can’t offer any advice but just solidarity because SAME!
He was so easy until about 2-3 weeks ago and now his sleeps gone out the window, he wants to crawl everywhere and won’t be carried but can’t walk yet - it’s so frustrating.

Tasha0429 · 11/04/2024 03:26

18 months over here 🙋 ABSOLUTE FUCKING NIGHTMARE 😂 and he's my 3rd, god I love all my children, but they are all 3 equally annoying!

I'm quite newly single, and to be honest it's not changed to much cause I did everything anyway 😂🙈 but I don't have the eyes anymore, and the struggles are real!!

He's literally destroying my house, crying over me going for a wee, or moving 🙈 literally I cannot do anything right, and can't breathe in fucking peace!

I'd like to say it gets easier but I'd be lying 🤥 I think we just adapt eventually 😂 be patient and breathe, and know that your definitely not alone!

Children are assholes 🤣 and I'm not sorry for saying it 🤷