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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say something to this parent about car seat safety?

17 replies

PuffinStar · 09/12/2023 09:09

I take my baby to a class every Friday.
Yesterday, it was quite cold where we live so at the end of the class lots of people were bundling up their babies for the walk home.

One of the parents there put their baby into a really thick snow suit (baby was already wearing a jumper under) so I assumed they were walking home like many of the others.

As I was driving out of the car park, I noticed this parent putting her baby into the car still in the thick snow suit.

Would I be unreasonable to politely say something about it if I see her doing this again? Obviously it’s none of my business and I don’t want to be rude but car seat safety is so important and she might be unaware!

Here is a link to an article that explains just incase anyone is not familiar: https://www.babycentre.co.uk/x559709/what-should-my-baby-wear-when-theyre-in-their-car-seat

What does everyone think?

What should my baby wear when they're in their car seat?

Find out what your baby should, and shouldn't, be wearing in their car seat to keep safe.

https://www.babycentre.co.uk/x559709/what-should-my-baby-wear-when-theyre-in-their-car-seat

OP posts:
Ohdearwhatnow4 · 09/12/2023 09:11

Maybe you could just mention it in passing. Oh your baby looks lovely and warm, unfortunately I can't use a snowsuit today as we drove and their so dangerous in the car. So I have to use a chunky blanket in the car instead.

AliTheMinx · 09/12/2023 09:12

I don't think I would say anything for fear of meddling or upsetting the mum. Maybe they were just going very short distance by car...

OhhhhhhhhBiscuits · 09/12/2023 09:31

AliTheMinx · 09/12/2023 09:12

I don't think I would say anything for fear of meddling or upsetting the mum. Maybe they were just going very short distance by car...

Does going a short distance stop you being in an accident?

erikbloodaxe · 09/12/2023 12:55

Concern yourself with your own child and mind your own business

amylou8 · 09/12/2023 13:20

Ohdearwhatnow4 · 09/12/2023 09:11

Maybe you could just mention it in passing. Oh your baby looks lovely and warm, unfortunately I can't use a snowsuit today as we drove and their so dangerous in the car. So I have to use a chunky blanket in the car instead.

I think this would be the best if you feel you need to say something. Personally I'd keep out of it.

Ostryga · 09/12/2023 13:21

I would ask the person who runs the baby class to do a quick car seat safety segment.

acquiescence · 09/12/2023 13:24

It would stop you being in a high speed accident possibly, if just a couple of roads away with 20moh limits- fairly similar to bus speeds.

kkneat · 09/12/2023 13:33

It’s a recommendation though that a child should not wear a padded coat she may feel that it is such a small risk of an accident & of the car seat not doing it’s job. If she has much older children she may not realise as this was not the recommendation when my children were little. I wouldn’t say anything you’ll look like a busy body

DappledThings · 09/12/2023 13:41

kkneat · 09/12/2023 13:33

It’s a recommendation though that a child should not wear a padded coat she may feel that it is such a small risk of an accident & of the car seat not doing it’s job. If she has much older children she may not realise as this was not the recommendation when my children were little. I wouldn’t say anything you’ll look like a busy body

It's a huge risk, it's much more than a mild recommendation. Saying something could save a life.

I'd have to say something. And I think directly is better than pussy-footing around.

longtompot · 09/12/2023 13:46

You could say something along the lines of making out you just found out about this and had she heard about it too. I think in this case it's best to say something and her be annoyed at you, rather than not say anything and hear an accident had happened.

Inyourwildestdreams · 09/12/2023 13:49

Our most highly recommended childminder in our town has very young children forward facing wearing huge snowsuits in the car when she arrives at our local toddler group. I also witnessed the children being left in the car unattended numerous times while she was in the hall talking to the group leaders etc.

I mentioned it to her and was met with a very frosty “I’ve been looking after children longer than you’ve been alive sweetheart…” 😂

HumerousHumous · 09/12/2023 13:56

Inyourwildestdreams · 09/12/2023 13:49

Our most highly recommended childminder in our town has very young children forward facing wearing huge snowsuits in the car when she arrives at our local toddler group. I also witnessed the children being left in the car unattended numerous times while she was in the hall talking to the group leaders etc.

I mentioned it to her and was met with a very frosty “I’ve been looking after children longer than you’ve been alive sweetheart…” 😂

"Then you should know full well that on both those counts, it's very dangerous sweetheart!" I'd be tempted to respond. What an idiot...

CocoCom · 09/12/2023 14:08

I would be very much appreciated if someone gives me advices like that. I think you can try to start a nice conversation by complimenting the suit or the baby, and then straight to the point about the safety advice “btw, do you know…”. If the person shows teeth, she is not reasonable and you can just walk away, forget about her, knowing you did the right thing.

Thanks for your threat, I get this knowledge. Although I didn’t dress my child too much in the car before, just because I thought it can be too hot. But I might make this mistake on a cold day if I didn’t read this.

Inyourwildestdreams · 09/12/2023 14:12

HumerousHumous · 09/12/2023 13:56

"Then you should know full well that on both those counts, it's very dangerous sweetheart!" I'd be tempted to respond. What an idiot...

Show quote history

@HumerousHumous yeah I did have a bit of back and forth with her. I actually mentioned it to a parent that I know uses her as I was genuinely concerned about it and the parent responded with “I know, it’s not ideal but the kids LOVE her” 🙄

Carseat safety is so important. I struggle to understand why anyone would have the knowledge and not use it.

Wren43 · 09/12/2023 14:13

I think your going to find over the next few years there are a lot of things you’ll see other parents doing that you perhaps don’t agree with, unless someone’s child is in imminent significant danger I would be inclined to keep my nose out, if fb friend then perhaps could drop subtle hint e.g. a post about car seat safety

MumofSpud · 09/12/2023 19:33

Was she an 'older' mum
When my DC were small it never was highlighted / thought about but I now know because of my granddaughter!

BertieBotts · 10/12/2023 11:15

I likely wouldn't in this scenario.

It doesn't matter as much for rear facing. (The risk doesn't disappear but it's less of a problem). She might come across the info herself. It is generally offputting to receive unwanted advice.

If it's really bothering you you could make a point of showing off whatever your own solution is - poncho blanket or whatever (like "Hey everyone isn't this great?") and then if she is interested she will ask.

If you are going to give direct advice then I'd do it privately and only ever about something people can fix easily and immediately. For example I've shown someone how to adjust the headrest of their car seat at a baby group before, she was grateful. If it seems like the snowsuit scenario can be addressed instantly e.g. if she has a blanket with her as well, then it might be worth a private word. You could also angle it more about making the seat easier to use (e.g. straps easier to tighten) or comfort rather than it being about safety, or safety only as an afterthought. If you come instantly in with "that is unsafe!" it tends to put people immediately into a defensive mindset (NOBODY wants to put their baby at risk) and then they aren't open to hearing new advice.

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