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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend's kid staying up all night!

20 replies

fugees · 09/12/2023 02:56

My sister is hosting a family/friend's Christmas party tomorrow night at her house. It's 4 hours drive from where I live so I travelled this evening to stay overnight and help with the preparation for tomorrow. Also staying tonight are my mum and cousin plus a friend and her boyfriend who have also travelled a few hours to be here. The plan was to prep, have dinner and relax with drinks into the evening.
My sister has a friend with an 11 year old daughter who I knew was coming for the party but didn't realise they were coming this evening to stay over as well. No problem, I've known them for years and we all get along. It's a massive house so no issues with space.
Evening all going well, until it gets to around 10.30pm and the 11 year old is still up. She's already monopolised the whole evening, regaling us with stories of school, friends, boyfriends?! And a lot of talking over everyone.
We all politely engage as we do like her and thinking she'll be off to bed soon enough and we can then have our adult conversations.
But no... midnight she's still up, in the middle of the room showing off and singing! People are starting to hint, 'it must be time for your bedtime now' etc. all totally ignored. Her mum is right there and says nothing.
A few of us smoke (just cigs) so pop outside of earshot from child and mum. Everyone is saying, 'why is she still up, she's being very rude as she keeps talking over everyone, she needs to go to bed, it's irritating' etc. but we just hope and assume surely the mum will put her to bed soon..
Nope, 12.45 she's now on the sofa eating snacks and banging on. I'm hoping to get my sister alone to say something to her.
1am comes around and she's STILL at it! Other guests have made their excuses and gone to bed. My cousin comes to me privately and says how annoyed she is as she's come a long way for a nice evening with adult family but the kid has ruined it and she's going to bed now too.
I eventually got my sister alone and said how out of order it was that her friend let her kid stay up all night and talk over people and that it ruined the evening for everyone who came all that way.
She says she can't tell her friend what time to put her kid to bed. But I disagree. This isn't a random friend. They've been best friends for 20 years. She could definitely have said something privately. I know I would have.
So I took myself to my room, watch shows on my iPad and can hear as of right now they have only just gone to bed!
Am I unreasonable to think this is batshit?!
I wish I'd stayed at home...
Sorry, long post. Just wanted to rant really.

OP posts:

Elfandwellbeing · 09/12/2023 03:08

Nope YANBU. I have experienced this also and some people are totally unaware of how the dynamic changes due to child/teen company. Drives me mad. One friend particularly invites people over and kids just butt in all the time.

However, it may be that this kid in your situation has form for a display of embarrassing resistance and now the parent is reluctant or perhaps doesn’t know how to send her child to bed in front of others in case she kicks off. Either way it is annoying.

Original poster

fugees · 09/12/2023 03:12

You're right I guess. Just such a waste of an evening!!

OP posts:

Waffle19 · 09/12/2023 03:21

I think YABU. It sounds annoying for sure. But if you’ve invited someone to a party you can’t then dictate what time they go to bed - adult or child, so I agree with your sister. Maybe this is a lesson for her to next time do an adults only gathering.

WaltzingWaters · 09/12/2023 03:25

No I have friends like this too with young children who stay up til the parents go to bed when they come visit. Very annoying to not get down time/adult conversation.

Original poster

fugees · 09/12/2023 03:53

Waffle19 · 09/12/2023 03:21

The party isn't until tomorrow night. Tonight was just meant to be us prepping, having dinner etc.
No reason for an 11 year old to up until after 2am!

OP posts:

Andthereyougo · 09/12/2023 04:59

Is the 11 year old included in tomorrow night’s party?

Stress101 · 09/12/2023 05:21

YANBU. That would drive me insane. My cousin allows this with her now 13 year old, but its being going on years. She sits between adults listening to us and prompts her mother to talk about this person and that situation. My cousin actively encourages her too. I avoid them now.

maybejustonemoretime · 09/12/2023 05:24

YANBU
Deeply annoying, would be totally different if other kids like her cousins were there too and they were all hanging out and enjoying a party but not just adults at an intimate get together.
It's embarrassing her mum has no awareness of it.

Justfinking · 09/12/2023 05:24

YANBU but I don't blame your sister as she's obviously annoyed and feels awkward about saying something. The friend is at fault, probably someone should have been more clear and put her in another room with the ipad ages ago but too late now. I guess you know not to invite her again

VashtaNerada · 09/12/2023 05:34

YANBU. I have friends who allow their children to do this and it drives me mad! Adults need to spend time on their own to talk about adult things, there comes a point when children need to be in another room or in bed. I never had any problem with saying this to my DC (sometimes quite bluntly!!). I find it so odd that others don’t do that.

user701 · 09/12/2023 05:38

That would have annoyed me top and I would have gone to beds long before and told the child it was her bed time too. Saving grace is she will now be knackered and hopefully won’t do the same at the party.

Gumbo · 09/12/2023 05:40

YANBU at all, the mother of the child must think that others find her child as enthralling as she does if she allowed her to monopolise the conversation the whole night and let her stay up so late.

I'd be inclined to make sure that in the morning I was suitably loud near where they were sleeping so that they don't get to sleep all day, or you'll have a repeat performance at the party tonight...

electriclight · 09/12/2023 05:53

YANBU but I'm a teacher and can tell you that there are huge, and increasing, numbers of parents who simply cannot say no to their child, who think their child should be allowed to do whatever they want, who think their child is so adorable that everyone is desperate to spend extra time with them.

I think it would have been ok for any one of you to say that it was time for her to go to bed. If her parents were offended, so be it. They have no self awareness and might need to be explicitly taught this lesson in etiquette before their social invitations dry up completely.

user1492757084 · 09/12/2023 06:06

How debilitating for the adults.
You should have said that it was time she went to bed - if she is a child and wanting to be refreshed for the party the next night. Other adults would have agreed.
I would have risked offending the mother.

Your own sister is too close to her friend to be able to comment.
The sleepy girl might be easily convinced to go to bed earlier tonight. Push for that.

CrikeyMajikey · 09/12/2023 06:08

I have a ‘my house my rules approach’ and would happily have told her it was time for her to go to bed so adults can have child free time. If the friend didn’t like it she wouldn’t be invited next time. The kid’s going to be a happy little soul today, I bet.

Missingmyusername · 09/12/2023 06:16

YANBU that’s going to be one very irritable child today. So was that child and her mum the last to go to bed?
My DD would’ve fought to stay awake until about 9pm then collapsed into bed- if I stayed with her. (She’s 7) never had a sleep over, I wouldn’t put her to bed in a house with people I didn’t know. I wouldn’t have attended the party personally.

Admittedly age 11 is older, can’t see her realistically being able to sleep with noise levels so I don’t think you’d get shot of her until 11pm ish anyway! If she naps today, you’ll get a repeat performance.

Behindyouiam · 09/12/2023 09:54

YANBU done people just don't read the room!

ItAintGonnaGoDownEasyIfItAintCheezy · 09/12/2023 10:13

fugees · 09/12/2023 03:12

You're right I guess. Just such a waste of an evening!!

You should have said something.

Waved the wine bottle and said to the friend time for adult convos now yeah and looked pointedly at the kid.

LovedMyLastNameItHadToGo · 09/12/2023 10:16

Annoying. I thought couldn’t stay awake that long anyway lol!

10HailMarys · 09/12/2023 10:22

I probably wouldn’t mind if the kid was just nibbling on crisps and playing on her phone on the sofa or something while the adults were chatting, but this particular child sounds incredibly attention-seeking and annoying. I also think that, despite the talk of boyfriends at 11 (?!) she also sounds quite immature. What 11-year-old is still telling adults to watch her sing a song?! This attention-hogging, look-at-me, butting into conversations stuff would drive me nuts.

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