To hate having divorced parents at Christmas

[Giftsonthefireandlogsonthetree]

Parent 1 is single and lives abroad
Parent 2 is remarried and lives 3 hours drive away
DH family live 10 minutes down the road.

We have a toddler and a newborn and a small home with no room for overnight guests.

Due to my parents distance, plus our young kids we can't just see one one parent on Christmas eve and one on boxing day (or just pop round IYSWIM)

I just want to have Christmas as a family of 4 and start our own traditions, and not get into a horrible routine of 'taking turns' with different families each year. Plus with DHs work it's peak time for him, he works up until Xmas eve afternoon and is back 27th for the run up to new year (booze!) Which also makes travelling to visit family difficult.

But due to close proximity of DH family it is easy to see them on the day.

Parent 1 is obviously jealous that it's so easy for us to see/spend time with DH family. And due to being single no one else to spend Xmas with really. I also have a difficult relationship with them.

Parent 2 has spouse to spend Christmas with but obviously would like us to go there.

Brother is younger, single and always welcome on my sofa, especially as he'd prefer to spend Xmas with us rather than alone with one parent or the other.

Every Christmas there is drama about what we do and who we spend it with (mainly from parent 1) and I'm just so fed up of feeling torn from pillar to post!

There's no way to keep everyone happy - what do I do?!

Have Christmas at home and give them two alternate dates.

Parent 1 is being ridiculous. They live abroad, and your DH only gets two days' break. It's pretty obvious that it's not going to be possible to spend Christmas with them 🤔

Do whatever is already planned this Christmas. Then in February time, be clear to both parents that the addition of little ones means travelling at Christmas is becoming too much and you will be spending next year at home.

Plenty of warning so they can get used to the idea and make other plans.

Then stick to it. The first year might be tough but the more often you do it, the easier it should get.

I hate being a divorced parent at Christmas. However, I've always been very clear to DD, now 18, that her Christmas, be it as child or, in the future, adult, is all about her, not me. Do what you want to do - be clear, don't leave it in the hope it will go away, do not feel guilty or guilt tripped. Was I sad not to be with DD at Christmas? Absolutely. Did I survive? Absolutely.

I always said I'm having Christmas at home, anyone who would like to visit is more than welcome, open house throughout the day. Then the responsibility wasn't on my shoulders of who should we see, or having to make the dc spend all day in the car travelling between people. As long as dc believe in Santa, then I think you have every reason to stay home. You're family know where you are if they want to see you (and there are always hotels and restaurants for them to stay and eat in if space is too small at home)

I guess you can see why they divorced in part because they're unreasonable and not considering other people's feelings. You do what works for your core family and they can fit in around it as viable for you. Don't be guilted or sucked into any drama.

Both of my adult dc and their families have Christmas at home.
We don't live in the uk - and travel to see them. They don't get enough time off work to make it worthwhile.

It's probably too late to change things for this year, but just early in the new year, say that you will be "at home" for Christmas and New Year- they can visit you.