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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Job dilemma

30 replies

NCObv · 08/12/2023 22:39

I’d love to get some outside perspective on a dilemma between two job. My contract is coming to a natural end and I’ve been approached about two jobs.

Job A would involve one day a week at site A an hour away from my house 9-5, one day a week at site B ten minutes from my house 9-5, two days a week at site B 9-3 and one day from home. One week every two months I would need to do 9-5 Monday to Friday at site B.

In addition, there is an availability allowance for covering out of hours on a rota basis. The frequency is variable, but would expect to need to be available from home about one weekday evening and overnight every two weeks and one weekend including day time and overnight every couple of months. We always end up getting called and having to attend on a Saturday when it’s our turn to cover. Weekday evenings/nights and Sundays are variable, sometimes you may not get called at all, other times you may get called in for several hours. This also limits when you can book annual leave as you can’t book leave when it’s your turn to be available. The post is on an annual contract to start with, with a view that it would become permanent within 1-2 years.

Job B would involve one day a week at site C an hour away from my house 9-5, two days a week at site C 9-2, one day a week at site D ten minutes from my house 9-2, and a day from home. This job has no out of hours component at all (it has been outsourced). This is a permanent post.

I know both departments well, and overall get on well with the people at both. Job A is busier but job B is challenging in other ways. Salary wise, job A is about 5% better.

In terms of my circumstances: I am around 40. I have two children in primary school. Spending time with them is my top priority as I previously missed out on a lot (I previously had serious health problems, now better, and also previously worked extremely long hours). I’m over the moon both these jobs would allow me to potentially be at the school gates for school pick 3-4 days a week.

My heart is telling me to go for job B because having missed out on so much, I’d love to know that I can spend every weekend/evening with my family. But the one thing holding me back is that I would be commiting to commuting an hour each way three days a week for probably the rest of my career. What happens once my kids are off to uni in 10-15 years, and I’m then stuck in the job further from where we live for another 10-15 years? I’ve done long commutes before, I haven’t enjoyed them especially but they are okay (I phone friends and have podcasts/audiobooks etc).

I’m being deliberately vague because the specifics are hugely identifying, but a move from A to B or from B to A in the future would not be posssible and so I can’t say I would just move jobs if needed later on.

Perhaps when I’m 40 or 60 I’ll be delighted that I didn’t commit to a job that involved evenings and weekends! Also it seems ridiculous to deprive my family of what we need in the here and now just because it may inconvenience me in 10-15 years.

My husband has said he will support me in whatever I choose. I think it would be helpful to him if I didn’t do evenings and weekends because he won’t have to solo parent as much, but equally he worries with me driving long distances. So he hasn’t pushed me either way.

Thoughts?!

OP posts:
Original poster
NCObv · 08/12/2023 22:41

Just to add I haven’t been formally offered either of the jobs, so I don’t want to count my chickens before they hatch, but both department heads have said to let them know if I’m interested and they will get the ball rolling.

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Original poster
NCObv · 08/12/2023 22:41

And if any of my colleagues are here and recognise me from the above… hello 😂👋 Would love to hear your thoughts!

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TheGrimm · 08/12/2023 22:42

Job B and audio books on the commute.

Original poster
NCObv · 08/12/2023 22:46

Thank you! That’s what I thought

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SleepingBeautySnores · 08/12/2023 22:47

I certainly wouldn't base your decision on what happens in 10 - 15 years time OP, we could all be dead by then! Seriously though, no one has a clue what lies ahead for them in the next 6 months or even 6 days, life is unpredictable, so take the job that suits you best right now would be my advice.

Sundaefraise · 08/12/2023 22:49

Job B and agree with pp do what is best for you now. 5% extra isn’t enough to go for A.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 08/12/2023 22:52

Job B. 5% for all that on call stuff? No way.

Original poster
NCObv · 08/12/2023 22:53

Thank you all. I forgot to add in my OP that job A has more prestige in our professional circles than job B, but job B is also well respected. And frankly, at this point, I don’t really care about glamour and glory, I just want to be with my family.

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Hankunamatata · 08/12/2023 23:09

I went back and forth. I hate commuting so long commute for B initially put me off but when you add in A job having to work a full week every couple of months plus the on call and longer hours B does look like the better prospect.

Hankunamatata · 08/12/2023 23:10

If you get offered both could you haggle A into an offer more like B.

Takemethere · 08/12/2023 23:17

NCObv · 08/12/2023 22:53

Thank you all. I forgot to add in my OP that job A has more prestige in our professional circles than job B, but job B is also well respected. And frankly, at this point, I don’t really care about glamour and glory, I just want to be with my family.

I think you have the answer to your dilemma question here.

Do what is best for your family now. Working those evenings, weekends and not being able to plan holidays or events properly because you need to be on standby will take the toll on family life.

Job B seems to be a no brainer to me

m00rfarm · 08/12/2023 23:24

Job b, of course.

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 08/12/2023 23:53

2 hours of commuting three times a week? Could easily turn into more if you get stuck in traffic/ delayed trains etc - much more risk of not being back in time to do school pick-ups etc.
TBH I'd pick Job A for that reason.

And see what you can negotiate in terms of being on-call in future (why not suggest that dept does some outsourcing too?)

You have a partner who can do parenting at weekends/ overnight if you get called in to work, and surely as they get older your DC are likely to want to spend more weekend time with their friends/ doing hobbies and clubs, so you may not see as much of them anyway

BeardieWeirdie · 09/12/2023 00:42

Do not believe for a minute their line: “It’s a 1-year contract but we’ll make it permanent after that”. I’m job-hunting 11 months into a 12-month contract, contrary to what I’d been promised in my interview.

If you go for B (I would), does your after-school club go on long enough for you to be driving home? Mine finishes at 5.30 so no good if you’re not working locally. Or can your husband commit to pick-ups?

Original poster
NCObv · 09/12/2023 08:11

@Hankunamatata the department head of job A is absolutely lovely but was firm that the job description can’t change because they feel they need to be fair to everyone. In the past when they’ve made concessions, the rest of the department es up in arms. Currently there’s one person in the department who doesn’t do the on call component, but she is a single parent to a child with a severe disability and I guess they felt that they had to make allowances there. There’s also two others who don’t do it because they are not licensed in one of the equipment we need to be able to use and the department head this has caused a lot of grief in an otherwise tight group, and they decided moving forward they just can not appoint people on different job descriptions (I’m guessing excluding allowances for disabilities etc).

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HaPPy8 · 09/12/2023 08:14

B. 100%. On calls are awful you just can never switch off!

Original poster
NCObv · 09/12/2023 08:17

Thanks everyone for your thoughts, they genuinely are helping

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Original poster
NCObv · 09/12/2023 08:21

@BeardieWeirdie yes you are right the department head did say to me I can not 100% guarantee that the annual contract will turn into a permanent contract but in the past they have but yes that is an excellent point. With regard to pick up times, I would be able to do pick up every day except one with that job description and my children’s finishing time, and my husband can commit to doing the one day I wouldn’t make it to.

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Treacletoots · 09/12/2023 08:23

B 100%. I am similar to you OP in terms of home life and expectations. I recently spent a short amount of time in a role where it was expected to work evening and weekends and for no extra pay. That lasted 3 months before I lost my mind 😫

The older I get the more important a true work life balance is, and the right to really switch off after work is more important than any commute. I've always had a commute of around an hour so that wouldn't phase me, I just make sure employers are geniinely family friendly and won't get arsey with the inevitable family challenges that arise.

JellyBellies · 09/12/2023 08:23

For the on-call, do you support from home or have to go in?

The weekend support is every 2 months. I would choose that over an additional 4 hours of commute time every week.

EBearhug · 09/12/2023 08:37

B. I have done on-call for years, and I don't miss it at all.

It's worth looking at the commute, though - are they comparable? A single car journey for an hour, or an hour on foot/train/bus/foot that needs all the connections to work out? They might be comparable when everything works, but do you have alternative options if not? I currently have to go to a site twice a week. It's about 40 minutes if traffic is clear - but took two hours on Tuesday. According to the traffic news, any alternative routes were also snarled up. The train takes 10 minutes foot, 25 minutes train, 20 minutes foot (55 mins total,) but that's if there are no strikes, enguneering works etc...

ILikeItWhatIsIt · 09/12/2023 09:22

I think you're massively overthinking it. Why do you think you'll be stuck in the job for 10-15 years? Do what feels right for now. If there comes a time when it no longer works for you, change it then.

Original poster
NCObv · 09/12/2023 10:26

@ILikeItWhatIsIt in my industry most people stay in a role for 30+ years. But of course I take the point that I don’t have to do that. It would be unusual to look for a different role mid career but not unheard of.

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Original poster
NCObv · 09/12/2023 10:28

@EBearhug yes excellent point. One hour single car journey at rush hour traffic, it’s much less if not rush hour. There is the odd time when there is an accident on the motorway and it turns into three hours, otherwise relatively constant.

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Original poster
NCObv · 09/12/2023 10:30

@JellyBellies sometimes we support from home and sometimes we go in. The weekend support is from Friday afternoon to Monday morning. We always end up having to go in on the Saturday, Sunday more variable.

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