AIBU or is this a dick move

[Itsbeginingtolookalotlikexmas]

I started a new job 3 months ago. Everyone seemed nice at first but it soon became clear that one of the women was being off with me. She is like that with a lot of people (people she doesn’t like) and doesn’t hide her contempt. She is nice to some people so is clearly capable of it. She is part of my team and works at the same level as me but acts like my boss. Pulling me up for minor things and acting like I’m stupid. There has been a few times that I’ve been on the verge of saying something to our boss but they are good friends and I know it would be turned around on me.
We have a day where we all do planning for next year coming up soon. I was asked a few weeks ago if I’d be up for having a lunch at a local restaurant with the rest of the team. I said yes that sounded lovely. A group message was sent in our internal messaging system this morning saying if you want to come you have to reply by 3pm. I was working and didn’t see the message in time so they just booked without me. No text or WhatsApp or even an email to say ‘we’ve had to book but let’s us know asap and we’ll add you on’. No one else replied to the email so I guess they probably chatted on their WhatsApp group (that I’m not part of) or they were together when it was booked. They all work in a different part of the building and lunch together everyday. I’m the only one of my team that has been given an office else where.
They had a leaving party for a member of staff when I started and I wasn’t invited to that either.
This lunch will mean I’m the only one who is left at the office while they all go out, on that day we are all working in the same part of the building to have our meeting. There is only 6 of us so it’s not like it was too hard to call me.
AIBU or am I being treated badly?

Sounds annoying. Obviously a table booking for next year can be amended. So could you offer to phone up yourself to ask if you can add one? Totally appreciate you might not want to in the circumstances though. But if it’s just this one person… Everyone else will see she’s being a bitch.

I would want to go to the lunch so would reply asking if it’s possible to add you on, they might assume you’re not interested as you didn’t reply

Just add yourself to the booking, it is easily redeemable

I’d already discussed it and said I wanted to

That’s workplace bullying :(

Discuss with your boss, or try really hard to suck up to the team, or plan your exit, seem like the only options to me. O’f approach the boss first. It doesn’t have to be a complaint, you don’t have to criticise anyone, just say you are struggling to integrate with the team because yoh are seated separately, haven’t been invited to the team wattsapp group, and now have been ‘accidentally’ left out of the team lunch booking, and ask how he can help you integrate.

I’d then email the organiser cc’d to your boss saying you’d love to come but didn’t see the email so can X please add you to the booking.

Dick move but possibly a careless oversight

Just make it clear that you are intending to go and will amend the booking

You've got this OP X

I’d just message back and say sorry I didn’t see this, will give the restaurant a call and add myself to the booking , cheers for the invite,

to be fair, there was no way for them to know why you didn’t respond.

Please don’t do this, it will not help you at all.

They did know I was working. The nature of our job is we aren’t available much. Think teacher type job.

I think I’ll swallow my pride and add myself to the booking but o don’t know long term how to manage it. Technically I don’t need to interact too much with them but it feels a bit personal now. There has been other minor things like this.

Well done for adding yourself on. You shouldn’t have to but there’s no point cutting off your nose to spite your face.

I’d email, ‘sorry, it’s been such a busy day I have only just seen your email. I see no one else has responded either so is the lunch still on? If so I’d like to come.’

I already know they’ve all booked on because another colleague who was with me today told me. She works with my team and has similar issues with the bitchy women.

I would treat that bitchy hag like she's one of your favorite people. Completely ignore any shit attitude from her. Ask her to lunch. Compliment her outfit. Ask about her day/weekend/Christmas plans. Whatever nice thing you would say to a lovely colleague. Back her into a corner where it is impossible for her to not look like an arsehole if she carries on with this mean girl bullshit.

Never cower to bullies. That's how they win.

I'd have been upset too, but good for you for adding yourself to the booking.

Posted too soon 🙄 Can you not just ask one of the others to add you to the WhatsApp and let you know there when they're going to lunch? Seating may not be something that can be changed, but if you're on the WhatsApp yiu should know what's going on.

Try not to let one nasty person get you down