Birthday gift

[Temporaryname158]

It was my daughters birthday Tuesday and I have been stewing this over since and it’s still on my mind.

I'm aware all gifts are just that, a gift and it’s not about the money spent but I feel sorry for my daughter.

my sister bought her a body spray for her birthday, circa £3.

this is my sister who earns £100k plus and her husband is a good earner as well.

it stings on 2 fronts, first that they felt she was worth £3, and when they have no money troubles this seems tight fisted to me. But second, I am on benefits but always ensure my sisters children receive nice presents from me, not over the top, but I spend about £30 on each niece and nephew for their birthdays and always try and get something thoughtful, around an interest they have etc.

AM I BEING UNREASONABLE?

yabu - the money doesn’t matter it’s the thought counts

yanbu - this seems odd in the circumstances

I'd be fuming and hurt to be honest! Absolutely bring it up! Xx

I think in this situation yanbu. But on the brightside you've saved yourself about £54 on birthday gifts going forward.

A body spray? For a three year old?! YANBU. I think I'd have to have a chat about that one actually. It seems so spectacularly random a pick that I'd question if she had given a present meant for someone else.

The OP doesn't say her daughter is three?

YANBU. If someone is very well-off, which your sister clearly is, then it's really fucking tight to spend £3 on a present for a niece/nephew.

I think the phrase "It's the thought that counts" is often wrongly applied. That would be applicable in a situation where a present was clearly chosen with good intentions.

For example, a few years back I received a box set of the Twilight books from The Works, a series that I absolutely loathe and despise with every fibre of my being. But they were given to me by someone who knows I like reading and vampires. They had put thought into the gift and would have genuinely thought that it was something I might like. They just don't really know much about books and don't understand that there's a colossal difference between the kind of vampire fiction I like (Gothic, scary, dark, weird) and Twilight (teen romance about a high school girl and her pretty boyfriend). So it was a terrible gift for me, but still clearly came with the best intentions, and 'It's the thought that counts' was very much applicable in that situation.

By contrast, I also once received as a gift (from someone who was extremely close to me at the time, too...) a cheap wooden set of miniature 'desk skittles', the kind of thing you used to get from the novelty gifts pile in Debenham's and BHS at Christmas, that are meant for people buying jokey Secret Santa presents for colleagues they barely know. Literally the most generic, shitty gift imaginable and worth about £4.99 at most. I didn't even have a desk at the time. In that situation, it was NOT 'the thought that counts' because there had been absolutely zero thought or effort put into it at all. It literally could not have been a more thought-free, careless gift (as well as being incredibly tight of them - they were not short of money).

I would say that your daughter's £3 body spray from your wealthy sister is very much along the lines of the desk skittles. It isn't 'the thought that counts' in that instance, because there was no thought. Certainly not a kind thought, anyway.

YANBU. I’d tell sister that you’re not doing any presents anymore.

Reassess what you’re getting them for Christmas pronto! Selection boxes for the kids will do.

I agree OP I wouldn’t be happy. It’s a shame as it’s not your niece and nephew’s fault but I can understand if you’re thinking of scaling back.

I would think it's incredibly tight but at the same time I wouldn't dwell on it. It's her problem. I'm sure your daughter got other nice presents.

It has upset me, I’ll admit. I’m just not sure why she’s didn’t it. But I don’t feel able to ask her as that feels confrontational and grabby.

I will continue to buy for her children as I enjoy doing so, love them and I know they enjoy the things I’ve given in the past.

i just can get past the idea that they economised on her so much. I’m wondering if it’s the classic December birthday situation where they are given less as it’s nearly Christmas, but again they have plenty of money to spend elsewhere so that doesn’t really explain it

It is mean what age is she op. My mother buys mine nothing think some are just mean. It does sting though. Was big birthday too

Some people are just tight, sometimes the more money people have the tighter they are.

I wouldn't dwell on it having any more meaning than that.