To hate Christmas because I have to spend time with family?

[HydrateYourself45]

I get on okay with my family (parents, sibling, their partner) but we’re not best mates and if they weren’t my family, I wouldn’t choose them as friends. The same goes for my in-laws but I’d go as far to say they’re just incredibly boring and we have nothing in common.

I really hate Christmas Day itself and I’ve worked out that it’s because I hate having to alternate christmases between my family and DH’s family and spend all day (2 days if it’s in laws as they live 200 miles away) with people where conversation is hard work and I just don’t have anything in common with any of them really.

Both sides adore DC so I do it for them but I’m so over it. Lockdown Christmas, for me, was the best one as we didn’t bother bubbling up as my dad actually had Covid and in-laws were too far away really so we just had it just us and I loved it. If Christmas was like that every year, I’d look forward to it.

I guess I feel kind of alone in my thoughts as all of my friends have these huge, really close families and generally just love Christmas Day. Ditto lots of people on here and I wonder how other people cope who just aren’t that fussed about their family?

Before people say just don’t see people, it’s really not that easy, I can’t just please myself and I also want DC to remember christmases spent with family.

I am going to insist that we have a year every few years just us as I’m so over it being every year, but that doesn’t help me much this year!

I am picking YABU, because you don't HAVE to do anything. Just stay in your own home and don't invite anyone around. It's not LAW that we have to spend Christmas day with people we share DNA with.

If you're going to say 'don't anyone tell me to just not see them,' then what do you expect people to say/suggest? You are in control of your own destiny, and no-one can force you to spend Christmas with extended family. Your children will have happy memories of Christmas with just their parents.

You don't need to be with a dozen or more extended family members to enjoy it, like on those stupid adverts on TV where everyone is all happy and jolly around the table. 12-15 members of the same family. (I always feel sorry for the poor mum who has clearly done all the fecking work!)

Indeed, according to many posts I see - on here and elsewhere, many people don't enjoy a 'big extended family' Christmas, and much prefer to be with just their partner and children.

Just stay in your own home with your DH and your kids. If your extended family/parents don't like it, that's their problem....

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I hear what you say, OP, and sympathise because Christmas with extended families is grim. But, honestly, you have a choice..... just say "no"! And book yourself a nice holiday abroad for next Christmas.

Make it a three year cycle: in laws, yours, stay home

How close are your family (geographically, I mean)?

Could you jsut go for lunch then go home for the afternoon?

I find it unusual at you feel you don't have anything in common with anyone in your own family or your husband's family.

Do you make an effort when you're there or if you're being honest with yourself do you suspect they sense you're there under sufferance?

I have this problem in that my DC and their partners are lovely and very welcome for whichever bits they choose to spend with us. Unfortunately, I also have to have FIL for part of the day every year and this year I have my DM too.

I honestly can't wait for the day to be over. It's just a few hours and yet I'm dreading it so much I am having trouble sleeping.

I know it's pathetic etc but I can't not have them, the grief for leaving by themselves on Xmas day is just too much.

Do you need to be there? Perhaps you would be better off staying at home. Or could you go and stay for an hour and leave.

Every family is different - some families gel and ‘get on’ but others are strained, or perfectly civil but not particularly close (like yours). Could you add Xmas alone into the rotation? One year your family, one year you’re in laws, the next your own? That seems like a fair way because it’s not like you’re never seeing them at Xmas at all.

Just don't go. Sure your dc can be adored at a suitable time either side of Christmas, they can enjoy their "Christmas visit to Granny" and make memories of that. Save the good stuff for yourselves

Until my father in law passed, it was always just my own little family I.e my husband and kids . We never had anyone in for it or went anywhere for it and it was perfect . Now we have mil and its a bit different but I still enjoy it because she doesn't over step or take away anything from the day. You don't have to leave your own home or have visitors just let them know now you won't be going anywhere this year

We alternate 1 year with family and then just us at home the following year. It works really well for us and means we get the best of both worlds. We do see family on Christmas Eve and thought the festive season but love our Christmas days at home just us 😊 Maybe you could try a similar rotation? It does take the pressure off

So yes, I will be insisting on a Christmas just us every 3 years, which will be an improvement.

I do make an effort with everyone and in actual fact, with my family, after we’ve all had a few drinks and relaxed into it, it’s often not too bad, we play games and tend to have a bit of a laugh if nothing else, it’s just a long day with them arriving about 11am and leaving about 8pm or staying over if no one wants to drive and not drink etc.

Inlaws are a different ball game. They don’t really drink, they’re not interested in playing games, they just want to sit there either staring at all the DC all day and ohhhing and ahhhing at everything they do(so boring) or just sit and watch tv. I’m just so over it and this year (for reasons I won’t go into) I think I’m going to have to either do Christmas with both of them, one on Xmas day, one on Boxing Day or have them all at ours together which really won’t be great as the few times they’ve all met over the years it’s been nothing but awkward, mainly because in laws just aren’t particularly friendly towards my family. Not rude, but only ‘civil’ they’re a weird bunch who think their family is the absolute best and don’t see why they should ever have to speak to mine.

I wish with in laws we could just see them for a few hours and then they or we leave. DH would never ask them to stay elsewhere though and given we have a 5 bedroom house and 2 spare bedrooms, it would be really odd and rude if we did. But it’s the having to see them alllll day.

With my family, I actually think I’m going to start making the days shorter, so say sure, come over for a few hours say 12-3pm, have lunch but that’s probably enough. We see them every week so it’s not like they have to spend loads of time on Christmas Day. That’s one thing I could implement with probably not much stress. Sibling wouldn’t care either really if it was only for a few hours as they often split the day between SIL’s family and us anyway.

Im just really not looking forward to it all. It’s so easy on here to say to just never see family again at Christmas but it would create huge tension and rifts and quite possibly irreparable damage if we were to say that.

YANBU

DH and I both have spent years travelling to and from for Christmas, before and after we had children until Covid and it was also a great Christmas for us to stay home. DH and I get on with our in-laws and we have a decent relationship with our parents (his better than mine) but it becomes tedious after a few days and is quite costly. It’s lovely to see people and catch up but a lot of it is spent being on higher alert than when I’m in my own home. Staying in a hotel or an Airbnb has helped a bit but it still doesn’t compare to being in our home. After Covid, we started doing every other year, except for this year due to cost.

We just spend Christmas Day on our own with the DC. It's nice and relaxing. Why not just say that you want Christmas Day with your own family??

There's two weeks to visit family! It doesn't all have to be crammed into Christmas Day itself.

Drink and games... book things either side you love. If visiting inlaws do something each day to get out e.g. Christmas Day light walk, Boxing day beach walk/panto/live music

Honestly I see Christmas as a period of time not just 2 days. I know it depends on people's work obligations but I come from a divorced family and even now I sometimes get presents in February!

If you are in the situation where you and your partner have a week + off then why not work on the scenario that you see people either side of Christmas.

E.g. the weekend before Christmas and 28th/29th surely you would just make it a new tradition and spread out festivities 😉

Before you know it life would have changed and you might not be in a position to choose.

It really is that easy. Just please yourself!🤷🏻

I always count these two factors as useful mantras:

1. Christmas is a season - lasting 1st December til Twelfth Night. You can see anyone you want to in that period and it counts as seeing them for Christmas.
2. The Christmas Eve to Boxing Day period should be regarded as special time for the kids, and they shouldn't have to schlep around rather than sit put and enjoy the magic.

Time to knock the visits on the head, and enjoy it as a family.

Another reason to knock this farce on the head.
Nobody should have to spend time with people they don't want too, just because of a fairytale from years ago about a baby born in December.

Start making new ways and New thoughts about the annual bore.

Inlaws are a different ball game. They don’t really drink, they’re not interested in playing games, they just want to sit there either staring at all the DC all day and ohhhing and ahhhing at everything they do(so boring) or just sit and watch tv.

So what does DH do to dilute their effect? Or does he just sit there too?

Go out for a walk. Play games anyway. Always invite the inlaws to join whatever activity/ies you choose, but if they don't want to join in don't let it mean that you and the DCs are chained to the house and TV.

We are in basically the same situation (maybe have the same inlaws!). This year is worse than usual as they are throwing FIL a birthday party on the 29th so we have to see them twice in quick succession. My own family are fine but my sister always has a lot of drama, we do the game playing after dinner and it is fun but a long day. In-laws are so boring I struggle with anymore than an hour with them. FIL talks about nothing other than cars and cameras and is very hard work (MIL died a few years ago). Anyway, sympathies. We too had a lovely covid Xmas without having to travel anywhere.

It waa the same for me but now both parents are dead and siblings have little interest.

You're entitled to feel how you feel but I'd just advise not to forget they won't be here forever.