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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a 9yo should be able to dress themselves in half an hour?

28 replies

CroccyWoccy · 08/12/2023 08:40

DS9 is driving me to despair. I wake him up half an hour before he needs to be ready, leaving him a neat pile of all his clothes. I go and help his younger sibling and pop back in every 3 mins or so to check how he is getting on. He still always ends up having lost a sock, or sat in his pants staring into space, or me having to shout at him to get a move on (or usually all three).

Do I have unreasonable expectations here?

OP posts:
ZenNudist · 08/12/2023 08:43

My 9yo gets easily distracted and ends up reading if not watched. I'm actually glad to hear others have similar problems. Sorry!

ZenNudist · 08/12/2023 08:44

I said YABU but actually yanbu, my eldest just got dressed without much problem...

Jinglingallthewaytochristmas · 08/12/2023 08:45

Yes he should but that obviously isn’t happening.

What have you done to help him? Does he need time to wake up and have a drink before he gets ready? Lots of people aren’t raring to go when they first wake up. Is he getting enough sleep? A visual time table? Can he find his clothes easily if he needs more? Reminder every 10 mins or so - my kids need these to stop them from becoming distracted - if you have an Alexa you can set them up but walking past and asking how are you doing is probably more effective.

Rainbowshit · 08/12/2023 08:46

Still dealing with this and DS is 16...

Original poster
CroccyWoccy · 08/12/2023 08:56

Jinglingallthewaytochristmas · 08/12/2023 08:45

Yes he should but that obviously isn’t happening.

What have you done to help him? Does he need time to wake up and have a drink before he gets ready? Lots of people aren’t raring to go when they first wake up. Is he getting enough sleep? A visual time table? Can he find his clothes easily if he needs more? Reminder every 10 mins or so - my kids need these to stop them from becoming distracted - if you have an Alexa you can set them up but walking past and asking how are you doing is probably more effective.

Probably not enough sleep given I have to wake him up most mornings. I sometimes wonder if I should be waking him up earlier to get more time, but then he’d be getting less sleep.

Clothes are all laid out for him, spares are readily accessible in drawers next to him. I pop in every few minutes and remind him what he should be doing next. I’m not sure what else I can do TBH. I sometimes bring a glass of milk when he wakes up but I just end up reminding him to drink it!

OP posts:
10HailMarys · 08/12/2023 09:08

Presumably he doesn’t take half an hour to get changed when he does PE at school?

Hermanfromguesswho · 08/12/2023 09:10

Wake him up and get him to go downstairs and have a drink and his cereal first. Then he’ll be more awake to get dressed when you send him back up!

BigBundleOfFluff · 08/12/2023 09:16

My now 11 year old is like this. No sense of urgency at all and I think will always be the same.
What worked was her walking to school with her pals. They wait for an agreed time at our gate, if she's late she misses them. They love walking up school together so she's remarkably never late now.

Talipesmum · 08/12/2023 09:17

I think half an hour is too long a window. Tell him he’s got 5 mins to get dressed. He may prefer 20 mins after being woken up to just “come round”, then say “right, clothes on in 5, see you downstairs” and mean it. It can’t take more than a few minutes to actually put clothes on if he’s doing it - it takes longer if he’s stopping and faffing about. Retrain his thinking so clothes don’t get added over a 30 minute window - it’s a short quick job.

Talipesmum · 08/12/2023 09:18

Ours go downstairs in pjs, get breakfast, waft about a bit, then go and get dressed / teeth quite quickly.

Chiar · 08/12/2023 09:19

Try food and drink first. Makes everything run much smoother here.

YANBU but this way's clearly not working very well.

falanka · 08/12/2023 09:19

Give him 5 minutes on a kitchen timer.

BabyYoshke · 08/12/2023 09:20

Bribery and corruption - if you’re in here dressed and eating breakfast by 8am you get extra screen time/a doughnut/ a trip to the swing park.

Repeat as necessary until your kid is really fat and obedient. Good luck.

FallingAutumnLeaf · 08/12/2023 09:21

What else needs to happen before you leave the house?
If ts breakfast, why not move things around? Eat first, then get dressed.

But yes. If properly awake, a 9 year old doesnt need 30 mins to get dressed. More like 5. Why not talk to him about how he thinks mornings could work? Get up later, have 5 mins to get dressed? Get up earlier, have time in bed before having to move? Food first, clothes afterwards?

Cattiwampus · 08/12/2023 09:22

How does he cope with school PE and swimming lessons?

Cloudisi · 08/12/2023 09:22

Neither me nor DD would be ready to get dressed upon waking up, we don't wake suddenly full of energy. We need a cup of tea and/or breakfast first, then we get dressed. Maybe DS would be better off that way.

Cloudisi · 08/12/2023 09:23

How does he cope with school PE

Idk about swimming lessons but lots of schools ask children to wear PE clothes to school on their PE days now at primary, to save the time wasted changing.

Theonlywayisupnow · 08/12/2023 09:26

He needs some sugar and water in him. Mine was hopeless until I started taking his breakfast and a drink into the room. He’d get that in him, then need the loo so basically was up in his feet in 15 minutes and wide awake and zero fuss getting ready. People might criticise me for the breakfast in bed approach but I’ve not had to nag him or had any lateness or stress for over a year.

GrumpyOldCrone · 08/12/2023 09:27

My eldest has ADHD and dyspraxia, and was easily distracted getting ready for primary school. I had to stand in the doorway and supervise, one instruction at a time and always in the same order: pants, socks, shirt, trousers etc.

I also had a schedule: breakfast was at 7:30, brushing teeth was at 7:45, everyone had to be dressed by 8:00 (can’t remember the exact times, but that was the general idea).

It did get easier with age!

Dweetfidilove · 08/12/2023 09:29

My daughter was (well, still is at 15) an awful dawdler 🤦🏾‍♀️.

Parenting expert at school advised I wake her up a bit earlier and give set times - I need you ready by 815, then at 805 send out a 10 minute alert… Helped some.

now she’s responsible for herself, she gets up at 6, faffs about until 7, then starts rushing about to be ready by 730 🙄.

If he hates being late, maybe leave him to be late a few times, as that seems to improve their urgency.

Good luck 🤞🏾

Chiar · 08/12/2023 09:33

You could also try getting him to write a list of the steps and put generous time estimates against each one. If he thinks about it will know it doesn't actually take 5 mins to put on a sock, more like 20 seconds. We use this to help convince our son (autistic, exec function difficulties) that he can actually do a job he thinks takes 30 mins in less than 5, so it seems much more manageable. Also he'd then have a basic checklist, which might seem OTT at 9 but you might be surprised how having a list keeps him on task. It's much more powerful if they write it themselves.

Catza · 08/12/2023 09:47

I am 40 and it can still take a loooong time to get going in the morning. I suggest earlier bedtime, more time in the morning just to potter around, breakfast in PJs, then getting dressed. He may be just on of those unfortunate sods who wake up extremely groggy. As my granddad used to say "I am up but I am not awake".

Original poster
CroccyWoccy · 08/12/2023 12:01

Catza · 08/12/2023 09:47

I am 40 and it can still take a loooong time to get going in the morning. I suggest earlier bedtime, more time in the morning just to potter around, breakfast in PJs, then getting dressed. He may be just on of those unfortunate sods who wake up extremely groggy. As my granddad used to say "I am up but I am not awake".

Ha yes I know that feeling! Groggines might be contributing but he's like this other times of day too. If I send him upstairs to get ready for bed I'll come up 15mins later and he's still sat in school clothes having done nothing. Or on weekends when we've had breakfast already in PJs again it's the same.

OP posts:
Original poster
CroccyWoccy · 08/12/2023 12:03

GrumpyOldCrone · 08/12/2023 09:27

My eldest has ADHD and dyspraxia, and was easily distracted getting ready for primary school. I had to stand in the doorway and supervise, one instruction at a time and always in the same order: pants, socks, shirt, trousers etc.

I also had a schedule: breakfast was at 7:30, brushing teeth was at 7:45, everyone had to be dressed by 8:00 (can’t remember the exact times, but that was the general idea).

It did get easier with age!

A wall clock for his room might be helpful, I don't think he realises how much time has elapsed!

OP posts:
LadyDanburysHat · 08/12/2023 12:05

I can't remember what age I stopped, but I might still have done it at 9 for DS 1. I used to bring the clothes to the living room, it could be your bedroom if that is where you need to be. I would then get on with helping DS2 get dressed as he was a toddler, and feeding the baby. But I could see DS1 and chivvy him along if needed.