To think that life is a fucking joke and I might aswell stop trying

[Theonlywayisupnow]

It’s one of those naval gazing, woe by me threads to be honest.
Im 40, I have thyroid dysfunction, I have stage 4 endometriosis, I have something else going on with my joints and bones which awaits a diagnosis but suffice to say, after a busy day I can lay in bed and feel like I’ve got electric shocks going through my limbs and spine to the extent I can’t eat or function beyond trips to the loo and grabbing food and drinks from the kitchen. I’m a mum, DS is 8, he’s diagnosed autistic and he’s actually bloody gorgeous. He’s definitely different and has needs but he’s also brilliant. He’s a musician, he’s very clever but also he’s a nightmare in terms of keeping him safe and his sleep patterns. He’s just graduated from the ecoli incubation period because he chose to eat raw mince last week despite there being an abundance of perfectly safe food available. I’ve also got an older child who’s having an absolute nightmare of a pregnancy and all I want to do is take all this stress and pain from her. Obviously I can’t. She and her brother have always been very much in love with each other but incompatible, I can’t help her as much I’d like because he can’t be in her house; her baby and husband can’t be in mine: my parents are not useful, one’s a raging alcoholic the other is functional but has never changed a nappy. 100% useless. I never imagined I’d be the main adult, it would all be on me. I feel so ill-equipped. I went to work today, people kept asking if I was okay, so random people can see I’m not coping. I’ve not slept properly in three weeks.

YANBU life is a heap of drudgery and crap thrown at us sometimes, makes it hard to keep on keeping on.

However, you've got reasons to live and people who depend upon you. I suggest two pronged approach here - lose the dead weight (ie parents, just detach from any redundant and useless situations, you've go enough to deal with) and secondly work on getting yourself more support by any means necessary.

You must sleep. Lack of sleep is going to make anyone mentally unbalanced and on their last shred. Eat well, sleep well. I relate to having chronic pain condition, I have one too and I know it disrupts sleep and causes all sorts of psychological problems but please try to make changes and take action to minimise your distress and increase your comfort / support.

After all, what's the alternative?

You are doing amazing, considering your circumstances. Have you tried talking to your GP?

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this.

I have chronic pain from arthritis and it also makes me so tired that I can barely function. I do have days of thinking what's the point in carrying on when this is my life now.

I don't know what to suggest but please do keep going.

@LittleMissSunshiner i did give in to sleep. I took a chance. That was the night DS ate the raw meat. He and DGD seem to have agreed on a shift pattern by which they operate in different time zones. As soon as one settles the other is up and I do t understand why it’s so debilitating. I know people my age having their kids now, babies and toddlers. But I’m on my knees with this.

@Tiredbehyondbelief my GP is absolutely useless. I have sjy high CA125 because of my Endo but they refer me to oncology and I get referred back when I get all clear for cancer. My mental health and hormone stuff is dismissed because I ‘look well’ and I do. I look youthful and I’m slim and low BP so I’m apparently well. Never mind, thyroxine out of whack and I’m hot and tired 24/7 and constantly in pain.

@ChristmasSteps295 sorry you’re also dealing with this. X

Thank you. The world needs lovely people like you - even when you're feeling terrible you've taken the time to be kind to me.

I really wish there was something I could do. But all I can do is reassure you that you're not alone in feeling like this.

So sorry you are going through a crap time OP, it sounds like it really sucks. Have you ruled out fibro? As that’s how I feel with my joints at the end of the day 💐

You need to sleep. Your physical problems will not get better unless you sleep properly. Put a lock on the fridge if you have to. Do you get any help from your child's father?

sorry if I’ve misunderstood but are you looking after your Granddaughter overnight regularly? It sounds like that’s way too much, given your health and your son’s needs. You say your dd is having a tough time but she’s an adult and has a DH whereas it sounds as though you’re on your own.

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Firstly, I would take a couple of days off sick and catch up on sleep/just have some time to yourself.

There is a horrible bug going around and lots of people are off poorly, so you’re work won’t think anything of it.

Are you a single parent?
If not, then I’d ask DH to do more over the next couple of days, just so you can have a mental and physical break.

Life is tough and yours sounds very challenging at the moment.
But we can’t just give up, as when we start giving up then things get much harder.

I’m sorry I don’t have much advice for you as I don’t know about your condition and it sounds like you’re doing the best that you can already.

Try and take some time for yourself and allow yourself to take care of you.

You are constantly taking care of everyone else but if you run out of energy then you’ll have nothing to give anyone else either, so you have to take care of yourself just as much as anyone else.

Why are you looking after your granddaughter overnight? I appreciate your daughter is having a difficult pregnancy (I assume this is the same daughter who is mother to the granddaughter?) but you also say she has a husband. You are unwell and have an eight-year-old with special needs. You are not in a position to look after another child. Your daughter and her husband are adults.

Also, your adult, married daughter needs to grow up with regards to her little brother. She is an adult, he is a young child. ‘Incompatible’ doesn’t come into it. If she can’t be in the same house as him, ever, that’s on her.

You’re basically martyring yourself here.

Why does it matter that your own parents can’t change a nappy? Do you mean that your DS can’t use a toilet, or are you talking about your granddaughter here, or the new baby that’s yet to be born? Nobody needs to be changing a nappy except the parents of the baby.

Have you had other blood tests done? I have hashimotos and my vitamin D, iron and folate are often low. I feel terrible when my levels are even slightly off, causes a lot of bone pain.
Have you considered reducing or better yet, giving up dairy/wheat to see if that helps? Would make your thyroid happier.
I don't think thyroid disease is taken seriously enough as it's predominantly a woman's disease.