DH has spent the car fund

[Farmwifefarmlife]

Hi first time poster bit unsure how to start. DH have 2 DC and our marriage since the youngest 1 has been rocky. My car recently got damaged it has no working airbags, gauges on the front, fuel gauge ect. We only have 1 car oldest DC is at school and I’ve been struggling to get her there I thought we were going to look at cars this weekend but DH has spent the money. I currently have Zero money as my business has been struggling while on maternity also. I realise I’ve made a terrible financial mistake and I’m going to do everything I can next year to never be in this position again but DH has spent the car fund and I’m stuck I feel so hurt and like me and DC are his last priorities. He says the car if fine to drive but I feel it isn’t safe AIBU?
also waiting for the insurance but my excess is high and they haven’t yet valued the car so I don’t know what I’ll receive.

as I fund the children completely

WHY? Are they immaculate conception? did he not make them with you???

Car is solely mine I paid for it outright 5 years ago pre marriage and children. The insurance company are unsure if it will be a write off before someone comes to asses it next week.

I know you are right.

I’m going to be direct but only to be kind.

you’re basically on the minimum wage. Unless you are earning £22k and only working a few days a week for this then I think you would be better getting a full time job, so you get your wage, pension, annual leave, parental leave etc plus you could still run your business on the side for extra income.

also leave your husband, he doesn’t care for you! Then you will be financially better able to cope and will be entitled to universal credit

Thank you, yes I understand where you are coming from I run a doggy day care from home. I’m only trained as a TA and that was some years ago so I would no doubt need to restart I love my job and plan to expand next year, it fits in with school runs and I’ve not had to pay childcare for my one year old. I’ve weighed it up many times but feel I’d be worse off. I am getting youngest into a childminder next year and hope that will give me the time to increase as I easily could.

That’s a sensible job, to be fair.

But you need to stop allowing him to call the shots. Get involved with the finances. Hell, take over the finances! Ask for mutual transparency as he’s blown all the cash on a vehicle that doesn’t get his kids safely to school.

Who are you paying rent to, have you improved the property for your dog business? Or is it on a different site

I just don’t think it will happen to be honest but I need to at least try. We private rent off a large country estate yes it’s at home and we have made lots improvements both to accommodate DHs lorry & various other side pockets! And my daycare business, we’ve only been here two years but it’s a real struggle.

Life with your moronic partner sounds hard and utterly miserable. He’ll hold you back I suspect.

You need to sit down with your husband and ask to see every account he has got and find out how much money he’s got or how much debt he’s in, also hes borrowing money from his mum, is this the first time or has he done it before??

I don’t think pp get it if they’re not on a farm. Some farmers are very well off but smaller ones in the early years are not.
You need to take control of the finances and then take out the money for all the bills and rent first and then when he asks how much money is there you give the figure after the bills and rent! Also you can build up a buffer at the times of year when more money is coming in. Also makesure people are paying him when he does contracting work as it’s notorious in rural areas for bills not to be issued and bills not to be paid!

Thank you , this is the situation we are in, it’s tough starting out. Thank you for the advice.