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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Finding it hard to fit into my new team at work

20 replies

wendall456 · 07/12/2023 22:13

My new team don't like me. I am late 40's and there are 6 in my new team all women 2 older ladies late 50's and 3 girls in their early 20's. The older 2 ladies are the worst and are so immature - one of the younger girls is ok she is civil to me. But none of the others give me the time of day, there is not even a good morning or how are you. I was moved to this team as I am a good team player I don't get stressed and I am quite a strong character - my boss's words when she moved me from a team I loved and really felt part of. Everyone who is put in this team ends up leaving!! They don't want me there and don't involve me in anything. I am determined to stick it out and not let them push me out like they have with 2 previous staff members

I left a fab job 2 years ago for this new job as it was alot more money with better hours and closer to home, and it was great to start with as I had a lovely team. I am so easygoing and I never had the experience of working with such rude ignorant people. AIBU to think that all I expect is some decent manners and a bit of common courtesy to someone you work with every day? I have always got on with the people I work with so having to work with people like this is a shock to me.

OP posts:

stayathomegardener · 07/12/2023 22:19

Have you been moved over to manage this new team or are you all on the same grade?

Original poster

wendall456 · 07/12/2023 22:23

One of the older ladies is a grade above me but all the others are the same grade as me.

OP posts:

AzureBlue99 · 07/12/2023 22:34

Some people are dicks with no manners. Others are on a different level, like you. Rise above it. Take what you can from the job, see it for what it is, don't let them have power over you and if others does get bad, move on. I work in a similar place and my response is to grow a hard shell and it all glances off. I am well paid with good terms and conditions, no way am I leaving because I work with a bunch of immature dipsticks.

Savedpassword · 07/12/2023 22:37

Has their behaviour ever been formally called out?

Quitelikeit · 07/12/2023 22:39

If management had any sense they would start splitting up the team

Hibambinos · 07/12/2023 22:39

Keep a log and report everything to HR. They have a nasty pack mentality that will not be stopped unless you report it.

ManchesterGirl2 · 07/12/2023 22:44

I'd ask management to go back on your old team. Why should you have to put up with this shit?

Original poster

wendall456 · 07/12/2023 23:02

I could ask to move back but they have replaced my role in my old team with a new member of staff . When the person doing my new role left I think management knew that a new person coming into this team wouldn't work as two new employees who were put in this team have left within the year and because I never moan and am pretty flexible they thought they would move me.

I have friends in other teams across the company and out of work too so I don't expect or want them as friends particularly I just want them to be polite to me as I am to them. Listening to some of the conversations between them all is very cringey- I think the older 2 ladies who have been at the company for years love the adoration of the younger girls and they have to take part in silly immature behaviour to feel adored by them and I think maybe they think I am a threat.

OP posts:

penjil · 07/12/2023 23:04

Are you sure your bosses haven't put you there to kind of....manage you out?

Could it be they know how bad this team are, (2 of their managers have already left), so have they stuck you there hoping you'll leave too?

Could that be a thing?

penjil · 07/12/2023 23:06

Quitelikeit · 07/12/2023 22:39

If management had any sense they would start splitting up the team

They should have done that after the other 2 managers left!

They need to wake up!

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 07/12/2023 23:07

Do you know what your boss meant by saying you were a 'strong character'? That seems an odd thing to say. I also don't understand at all (a) why your boss chose to move you from a team where you were all working well together (b) did you have any choice in the move ?

AzureBlue99 · 07/12/2023 23:09

Maybe you have been put there to break up the dynamic? Management know there is an issue in that team, and think you are going to diffuse the issue. Doesn't help you, and it isn't your management problem, but that might be the reason.

bonzaitree · 07/12/2023 23:11

Tell your boss what you’ve said on here. Make it clear it’s not working out and you need to be moved. Imply heavily that you’ll move if not. If they want to keep you then they’ll take action!

Elfnsafetyhat · 07/12/2023 23:12

Yanbu you could try a charm offensive and just compliment them, play along, try to fit in…keep your friends close, enemies even closer and all that! If you can’t be arsed I’d ask to move back as it sounds like a lot of effort .

Chickenkeev · 07/12/2023 23:15

YABU for calling younger women 'girls'. They are women. Do you think maybe you are unintentionally coming across as patronising?

Original poster

wendall456 · 07/12/2023 23:15

I didn't really have a choice and I think the "strong character" comment meant that as I am easygoing and not particularly emotional I would be able to handle this cliquey team. I really want to show them that just because they are rude and immature they will not push me out!! My old line manager tried to fight to keep me but was told that I had to go to this new team because of my easygoing temperament. My old team are lovely and in all honesty so welcoming and lovely anyone would get on with them and the new member of staff in their team has settled in really well.

OP posts:

Fallenangelofthenorth · 07/12/2023 23:30

Do you think they've put you there in the hope that your easy going nature and team spiritness will shift the entrenched behaviour? Personally, I think that's unlikely to happen as it sounds like they're pretty established. It's managers jobs to sort this though, and unfair on you and the people who've been driven out. It might get better over time though. I've seen this before with established teams just not liking "new people" and displaying quite frankly, bullying behaviour.

TempestTost · 07/12/2023 23:34

My guess is they are hoping adding you might improve the dynamic. But they need to split that group up. Probably especially the two older women from each other, and the girls from the older women.

Fofftwenty21 · 07/12/2023 23:36

"Strong character" doesn't sound the same as and "easy-going" to me when describing someone. Can you explain what you mean?

Do you mean when you say Good morning there is just silence? It sounds like you don't like your new team either?

Maybe concentrate on your colleague you do get on with and your other colleagues across the organisation.

Vonesk · 07/12/2023 23:43

I think HALF of enjoying work is the social aspect of getting along with colleagues.
If this is not happening then you have some assessments to make. If you have reached the end of your tether you could just blurt out your feelings. Hey!!!!! Have you got a problem with me ??????? If so tell etc etc.
Or Leave. This is bullying and it's not funny at all.This is happening more and more in my observations with so many diverse situations trying to melt together. I have seen people become desperate and just not go back.
The get out Claus is to say to anyone who's interested that " There's A Atmosphere" which blames no particular person but alerts some.
These bullys would love to known you're peeved so keep it under wraps rather than report it. And you will be labelled ' trouble maker'

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