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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I accidentally stole an entire big shop

624 replies

Rayoffingsunshine · 07/12/2023 20:17

I spent about £95 on a big shop 3 weeks ago. I went through the scan and go. I had my two boys with me (2 and 3 months) and I paid using contactless. I didn't grab the receipt which I didn't notice until I got home and was annoyed because the supermarket had an offer for money off voucher if you spend so much that I had intended to grab but only realised I didn't have it when I got home.
I budget everything and wrote the shop on my budget app straight away so I noticed the discrepancy on my account within a few days. I thought it was just taking a little longer than normal to process but 3 weeks later there's still no record of it. I've checked every account I have including my husband's just in case I had his card though I'm certain it was just my day to day debit card. The only thing I can think is that the payment didn't process and I just didn't notice and walked straight out. But surely someone would have stopped me! I remember a friend telling me once, with a tiny shop, just a quick lunch on the go kind of shop, this happened to her once and she was stopped in the car park by security. I don't understand how this has happened. I wouldn't have been quick to leave because my 2 year old moves at a snails pace.

If I go and talk to customer service in the shop will they believe that is was a genuine mistake and just let me pay for it or will I get in trouble?

OP posts:
FatFatMary · 08/12/2023 01:00

LaurieStrode · 08/12/2023 00:48

Because she's a person of integrity who doesn't steal??

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So just on principle rather than any affect or non- effect on the company

Dillane · 08/12/2023 01:15

JeezWhatNext · 07/12/2023 20:32

You can’t steal food and give it to the food bank you need to go back, explain and ask to pay. Just be a grown up and take the consequences.

‘Consequences’ don’t be so ridiculous 🙄

Watchkeys · 08/12/2023 01:15

Cheers @kissnm Anything else or have you finished?

Sorry about this derail, OP!

Redpaisley · 08/12/2023 01:35

PronounsBaby · 07/12/2023 20:29

£95 is absolutely nothing to Tesco, however if you were to put £95 worth of food in a food bank that would make a massive difference to a family in need.
As pp's have said, pay it forward

Then we should all stop paying Tesco and let the business close down and workers lose jobs

Redpaisley · 08/12/2023 01:37

FatFatMary · 08/12/2023 01:00

So just on principle rather than any affect or non- effect on the company

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Did you go through company's balance sheet to know the effect to the company?

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 08/12/2023 02:01

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 07/12/2023 20:34

Because she doesn't like being a thief?

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She's hardly a "thief" when she genuinely thought she had paid.

I'm afraid I would be inclined to play dumb, especially as I am always buying things on special from supermarkets and on getting home find I've been charged full price.

Back in the day when we had cheques I paid an account once, got my next month's bill which showed I had paid, but the cheque was never presented at the bank. That's their problem, not mine.

Also, where I used to work we sometimes had petrol stations phone to track down someone who had forgotten to pay (we issued fuelcards)- but they always got onto it straight away, not three weeks later!

FatFatMary · 08/12/2023 02:17

Redpaisley · 08/12/2023 01:37

Did you go through company's balance sheet to know the effect to the company?

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I did not check their accounts to find the effect of -£90 on Sainsbury’s company

Breezy1985 · 08/12/2023 02:41

FatFatMary · 07/12/2023 21:49

People who think it’s morally wrong, were you raised in a religious environment ?

No. I was raised with morals, which you clearly weren't.

FatFatMary · 08/12/2023 02:43

Breezy1985 · 08/12/2023 02:41

No. I was raised with morals, which you clearly weren't.

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I do have morals. Why are people so mean and judgmental on here ?

LittleMissSunshiner · 08/12/2023 02:48

FatFatMary · 08/12/2023 02:43

I do have morals. Why are people so mean and judgmental on here ?

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Typical MN, I'm afraid.

I haven't been here long but what I've notice on most threads, a third of people will be really understanding and try to make helpful points. A third will slightly miss the original point of the OP and make some mistaken suggestions a bit off beam or not be fully educated on the subject at hand. A third will just wade in bitching and accusing and being generally mean.

This happens on pretty much all threads bar the ones where the OP has posted something so outstandingly troublesome that everyone is united in their stance.

Duh · 08/12/2023 04:06

BestBadger · 07/12/2023 22:37

I'd argue it doesn't meet the criteria of "dishonestly appropriating", so it wasn't theft. It wouldn't meet the dishonesty test in court all she'd have to do is feign ignorance of the payment not going through.

Your examples are not "the same thing", they may be analogous to, but they are clearly not the same.

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The moment OP decides to keep/not pay for the shopping is the ‘dishonest appropriation’.

It totally meets the dishonest intent element of theft as appropriation has been interpreted in case law to mean ‘keep’ rather than just ‘take’.

You saying OP can just feign ignorance is acknowledging if she admitted she knew the payment didn’t go through she would be admitting theft.

Of course feigning ignorance is likely the best way to make it almost impossible to prove the dishonesty element of the crime and I doubt the police have even been contacted by the store. OP’s risk is pretty nominal.

Duh · 08/12/2023 04:16

busstopbingo · 07/12/2023 22:17

@Duh would there be a difference legally in intentionally going out with the plan to commit a crime (shoplifting) vs essentially covering it up if part of the reason you didn't want to admit to the accidental crime was facing repercussions (banned from store, further litigation etc) for something that was completely accidental?

Not saying those would happen in this case, just an example

It's a genuine query as I see the two as morally different and would have assumed there was a legal difference too

Yes that would be reflected in the sentencing, the more deliberate and wilful the higher sentence/sanction.

By the way I’m not for a moment saying OP is going to be charged and sentenced with theft as I doubt the shop has even bothered reporting it, I am just saying technically it is a theft irrespective of it starting accidentally. If OP remained ignorant of the payment not going through there is no theft as she never formed the intent to keep property that she knew wasn’t hers. Here, because she now knows she has formed the intent.

Hecate01 · 08/12/2023 04:40

PronounsBaby · 07/12/2023 20:29

£95 is absolutely nothing to Tesco, however if you were to put £95 worth of food in a food bank that would make a massive difference to a family in need.
As pp's have said, pay it forward

I will never understand this logic. Do you really think Tesco will take the hit on their losses? This is why there are price increases and hours get cut for staff. They will never ever cover their losses, as an ex Tesco employee I can safely say the house always wins.

JeezWhatNext · 08/12/2023 07:11

Dillane · 08/12/2023 01:15

‘Consequences’ don’t be so ridiculous 🙄

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What in earth do you think is ridiculous about dealing with the fallout from your own mistakes? Do you perhaps not know what “consequence” is?

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 08/12/2023 07:13

greenacrylicpaint · 07/12/2023 20:22

pay it forward.
give generously to the foodbank or other charity.
the shop has already written off the lost stock you took.
don't feel bad, you had the intention to pay.

This. Don't go back and try to pay, you won't be able to! Just pay it forward.

TerfTalking · 08/12/2023 07:19

To be honest, I’d be shutting myself that my picture would be on a crime stoppers type page. Those that are regularly published showing random people wanted in connection with theft.

it maya e been reported and Tesco and the police too busy to do much, but your neighbours have seen it.

i Am a half empty person though.

LaurieStrode · 08/12/2023 07:33

I am dumbfounded at the suggestions that she not pay. Are there this many dishonest people out there?

Timspam · 08/12/2023 07:36

Twice now with online food shops we've never been charged, I never paid, they make enough profit, just accepted the good fortune just like I accept the bad when my boiler breaks etc.

Bitchassmosquito · 08/12/2023 07:46

I wouldn’t do anything. It’s not like you meant to leave without paying and they obviously didn’t notice.
Maybe pay it forward like a pp suggested. Donate to a food bank of something.

fulawitt · 08/12/2023 07:51

During Covid I shopped online at one of our local grocery store. I don't know how it happened but the trolley went to the wrong car at the collection point. So I stayed there for an hour waiting boot opened for a shop that never came. I went into the shop and it was finally resolved. But clearly, the person who "mistakenly" had my shopping bags into their boot did something wrong. It was around 100 pound of shopping and at the time that was a lot. When you realize what has happened, you need to fix it. I never ordered from this shop again.

Bitchassmosquito · 08/12/2023 07:56

And whoever was supposed to be working on self checkouts will likely get a bollocking

Well it won’t be entirely unfair to give them a bollocking will it?

I mean the OP is practically a thief for not noticing the payment went through but the checkout staff can’t be expected to?

Bitchassmosquito · 08/12/2023 08:02

But clearly, the person who "mistakenly" had my shopping bags into their boot did something wrong. It was around 100 pound of shopping and at the time that was a lot

Thats a slightly different scenario to not realising the payment for your own shopping has gone through.* *

ButterCupPie · 08/12/2023 08:09

LittleMissSunshiner · 08/12/2023 02:48

Typical MN, I'm afraid.

I haven't been here long but what I've notice on most threads, a third of people will be really understanding and try to make helpful points. A third will slightly miss the original point of the OP and make some mistaken suggestions a bit off beam or not be fully educated on the subject at hand. A third will just wade in bitching and accusing and being generally mean.

This happens on pretty much all threads bar the ones where the OP has posted something so outstandingly troublesome that everyone is united in their stance.

Show quote history

Isn't that the reason most people come here? For the entertainment? It's like a truly awful soap.

GreenIsMyFavoriteColour · 08/12/2023 08:11

Bitchassmosquito · 08/12/2023 08:02

But clearly, the person who "mistakenly" had my shopping bags into their boot did something wrong. It was around 100 pound of shopping and at the time that was a lot

Thats a slightly different scenario to not realising the payment for your own shopping has gone through.* *

. (EDIT, I misunderstood)