Sweeping generalisation re teacher nationality

[Hillbilly]

In a conversation last night with DD (18) and H, about an issue DD had at college this week with a tutor. H referenced tutor's nationality as a probable factor in the way they dealt with the issue (poorly). I pulled him up in this saying it was a sweeping generalisation and had no relevance to the situation.
Minor argument (not heated) followed, in front of DD, which obv distracted momentarily from actual issue under discussion and later I was accused of BU and wrong by H, and that I should not have said it in front of DD, that if I had a problem with his point I should have spoken to him alone later. I disagreed saying I didn't want this kind of generalisation to be seen by DD as normal or acceptable.
Who was BU?

Understanding culture when seeing a particular behaviour can help understand the why

It would be wrong to expect or excuse a particular behaviour based on culture

YANBU, your DD is 18 not a little kid, why shouldn't she be involved in that discussion?

@ErrolTheDragon DD was totally involved in the conversation just did not comment in the part about tutor's nationality.

He was bu, on both counts

Did the comment about culture come from him making a sweeping generalisation about this person's nationality? How does anyone even know the tutors nationality?

Can you be more explicit about what he said?

Your daughter is 18, you are well past the point of preventing her being exposed to anything.

As for the comment, it depends on the nationality and what was said. I wouldn't care about "they are German so they spoke bluntly" for example,but it's very different if the nation in question is widely discrimated against or if your husband is a white man stereotyping a non-white person, that's more problematic.

@SecondUsername4me H asked what nationality tutor is and we both replied (think southern European). He said that could probably be the reason for their heated and unreasonable response to DD stating that he worked with said nationality in the past for 10 yrs.

Depends entirely on what was said. “Maybe she was being direct rather than rude, because Russians are often more direct than English people” is fine, “she need to learn how to behave in English culture and stop acting rude just because all Russians are rude” obviously isn’t.

@CatsAreBack for reference, H is not originally from UK but has been a British citizen for over 50 yrs

@asplashofmilk tutor white, as is H

I think it’s fine to have your child involved in the discussion either way. And it’s healthy to debate our prejudices ect…..

it really depends what he said: I personally think it is fine to say that Irish people say things in a very indirect way or something. There are cultural differences.

I mean it is a fair comment sometimes - I work with all sorts of nationalities as part of my job, I've found that some "sweeping generalisations" are actually pretty spot on. If your DH has experience working with that nationality and has seen the same sort of issue / response before, he's commenting from his personal experience rather than just making sweeping comments though.

Yeah, we need to know what exactly he said. Some things would be more acceptable than others depending on the context.

Also a bit odd that you feel you have to shield your adult daughter from discussions or even disagreements you have with your husband! She’s an adult now, so what if she sees that you disagree with DH?

Southern European = volatile, fiery etc is a fairly ignorant stereotype which has its roots in a time when Italians etc weren't considered white.

@Ace56 I definitely did not feel we needed to shield DD from the disagreement!

When DD and I told H what the nationality was, he said that would probably explain tutor's reaction (heated and unreasonable) to DD in class.

@Hillbilly Just concentrate on the “heated and unreasonable” side of this and don’t look for excuses. It sounds unprofessional and not excused by culture. If we don’t have standards, expected from all teachers/lecturers, where would we be? If a teacher has acted unreasonably in a non professional manner, your DD can complain. As can you.

Agree with this.

Are you sure the tutor was being 'heated and unreasonable' or 'clear, direct and standing her/his ground'?

Because I can see the tutor having the same convo at home saying your DD was being 'unreasonable etc'... There are two points of view to any exchange.

Also, when your DH states he's worked with that nationality, does he mean one person, two, in the country itself for some time? Because anecdote does not knowledge make.

@TizerorFizz that's exactly what I was doing. Nationality has no relevance IMO
@stickygotstuck absolutely there are 2 sides to the exchange between DD and tutor. The discussion began when we asked DD (after she told us about it) what she wanted or planned to do and if she wanted input from us

@stickygotstuck H worked with numerous people of that nationality in a specific industry, both in and out of said country

Looking at your follow-up post, where you say your DH was referring to the tutor being 'heated and unreasonable', then yes, your DH was in the wrong.

@ManateeFair to be fair, our collective assessment of the tutor's interaction with DD was that they were "heated and unreasonable" (obv 2 sides to the story and this was based on DDs account), what I objected to in H's response was that this could "probably" be due to their nationality whereas I said it was down to the individual and nationality was irrelevant

You sound reasonable

I am not sure why posters are focusing on the nationality and your husbands comments. Seems like a bit of red herring to me.
He took offence because you challenged his authority in front of your child. I think he is being precious about it. You should absolutely be able to have a disagreement about your views and involve her in the debate. It's healthy for her to understand why you think the comment is inappropriate and for both of you as parents to be able to justify your points of view and have a civil discussion about your differences in opinion.
My partner and I have completely different political views and I challenge him all the time. We share how we came to our views and our child has a firm understanding that she is free to make her own mind about it, that her parents aren't perfect and, more importantly, that we can have a good relationship and a calm discussion without necessarily agreeing about everything.