Should I be more relaxed about this?

[Whattodo789]

Hi,

Just found out that my husband has around £5000 debt on a credit card, that I was unaware of.

He had about £7000 debt before we married, but agreed to consolidate this with a bank loan. He did this, and agreed not to use the credit card again without my knowledge. We agreed he could keep a small credit card with a £500 limit on it, for maintaining a good credit rating.

I’ve trusted him since then to not be putting extra on another credit card as we’d agreed, but obviously he’s accumulated another £5000.

I’m really hurt by this and feel he’s broken my trust. But he seems quite chilled about the situation, as though it’s normal and nothing to worry about.

It’s tiring feeling like the only person who is being responsible with money.

I guess I’m asking if I’m being unreasonable in my reaction? Is it unreasonable to be worried and hurt by this? Or is this normal and not much to worry about? I have a tendency to worry about money so know I could be overreacting.

I would feel disrespected by this. What is he spending it on?

The answer would depend on how you manage your family finances. If everything is joint, then his behaviour is irresponsible. We have separate finances and I would never police my partner’s spending as he is an adult and I am not his mother.
I am a bit like you and worry about money a lot so for that reason I keep our finances separate. All that matters to me is that I have savings pot. How my partner manages his debts is none of my business.

He did this, and agreed not to use the credit card again without my knowledge

I’ve trusted him since then to not be putting extra on another credit card as we’d agreed, but obviously he’s accumulated another £5000

No you absolutely shouldn't be more relaxed about this. He's shown he doesn't care about your feelings or about promises he's made to you. I suspect he went ahead and accumulated the debt safe in the knowledge that you'd help him out again.

Disrespectful, untrustworthy man-child.

I would not be happy about this. What is he spending on? Presumably not household expenses etc as you would be aware of those. He is not able to live within his means which means, unless something changes, you will have to keep bailing him out.

OP, what is he spending it on. Do you know? As a pp said it obviously isn't household expenses, a holiday etc otherwise you'd know. I would not feel relaxed about this at all and I think what he is spending it on is as important as the debt itself.