Stuck for what to say to headmistress about DD anxiety

[Whenthechipshitthefan]

DD9 has been suffering from stomach pain. I took her to the GP and it all came out how she feels lonely at school, despite having great friends. Even when she's with them. That she feels worried all the time and she doesn't want to go to school.
I feel like an awful mum. I knew she was reluctant to go in at the moment but I thought that was just end of year fatigue. Apparently she's been unhappy all term.
I've made an appointment to her her headmistress today as her class teacher hasn't got back to me all week.
But I don't really know what I'm saying. I want to know why she is unhappy at school and what has changed. She can't seem to articulate it. Just that everything worries her.
Her form teacher is new and new to teaching and she does have some strange "punishments" when the class act up.

I guess I feel like I need to do something but I'm not sure what to ask the HM for.

Am I stupid for going to see her?

Just say what you’ve said here, it explains it perfectly. The thing with anxiety is it can be hard to know what causes or triggers it but you can explore ways to manage it together. Good luck!

What are the punishments and are they the cause of the anxiety? Has DD ever enjoyed school? How is she finding the work? What was she like in previous years?

The school will have solutions such as nurture or friendship groups, trusted adults who the child can check in with, buddy schemes etc. The HT will have dealt with this before.

Often children benefit from having an adult, like the sendco, to help them unpack their feelings or having secure objects that make them feel attached to you or form a distraction.

You don't need the solution, just speak openly about the issues and that you are unsure of the source of her anxiety 💐

I wonder if it's separation anxiety from you, rather than feeling anxious about school. My DC started experiencing it in primary too. It was like she suddenly reached an age where she realised bad things can happen to people and it started to make her worry that something might happen to us when she was at school. This book that someone else on MN recommended at the time helped her a lot.

As for the head, just tell her what you've said here, it explains it well.

The school might not be the cause of the anxiety though, it could just be a trigger for the anxiety she's naturally feeling. Don't assume fixing issues at school fixes her anxiety.

My DD and I openly talk to each other about everything, and she's always been able to tell me anything. I took her to the doctor recently for an ADHD assessment and she spent most of the visit talking about her anxiety! This was the first time I've ever heard her say it. I was shocked. I felt like a terrible mother. She has been having a lot of stomachaches too, which I've known for ages is the first sign of anxiety in children. I just assumed she'd tell me! In the end I'm just glad we know about it so I can support her. So don't feel bad. I had bad anxiety throughout my childhood and didn't even know the word for that feeling. It's scary when you don't know what it is. I was in my 20's or maybe even 30's before I realized what it was. So we can just be thankful it's something openly spoken about nowadays, and we have lots of ways to help alleviate it for our kids :)

I had similar with my dd, since been diagnosed with asd. Anxiety often seems to be the main symptom in ND conditions.
Is there a senco at the school? Might be more helpful than the head.

Thanks all. I'll try and fill in the gaps.
DD loved school until last year. She was excited to start this year but it feels like its just been a slow let down since.
She is smart (not just mum pride- she's ahead in most areas) and she just loves learning so I was blind to this downturn because of how enthusiastic she has always been.
She has a little group of friends and one best friend in particular though I know there have been issues with "so and so wouldn't play with me today" and she does seem to have been playing (her choice she says) on her own some days.
Separation anxiety does seem to be an issue. I've started giving her notes about how we are always here for her and how much we love her which seem to help in the mornings.
I don't think its ADHD. She doesn't have any signs of it at all apart from this anxiety. But thanks for suggesting because it did make me stop and reflect whether it could be.
They do watch the news (newsround) every day. She talks about the world problems a lot and when we talk about things that seems to help but I think every day is too much. The world is an awful place if you look at the news daily. Even I don't anymore.