Is it me? Or is my aunt a complete cow?

[Itssnotunusual]

I'm going to preface this by saying I have never been terribly close with my aunt. She's my mum's older sister. But I've heard some of the things she has said about me recently, quite frankly I think she's being a jealous cow.

I am very close with my mum, who has tried to maintain a close relationship with my aunt and has helped her a great deal throughout her divorce, redesigned her kitchen and living room and helped her redecorate and tidy her home when she put it on the market. It's my mum who has passed a lot of this on to me, a lot of it because she knows I would never address it directly with my aunt.

I split with my DS's dad just over 6 months ago. We are on excellent terms with each other, communicate openly and would both call the other a friend. It's been a very amicable split, we were not married and we have both happily moved on with other people. I am now in a relationship with a lovely guy and moving forward with my life. It seems my aunt cannot stand this. It seems I made the terrible mistake of making this relationship 'facebook official', which my aunt says was a horrible, immature thing to do and that I was rubbing my new relationship in my exes face. I had actually mentioned it to my ex a while before when we we're having a catch up over a brew as we wanted to sort out our arrangements with DS over Christmas. My aunt has recently gone through a very bitter divorce and has an unlucky run dating since then.

I have recently started an access to HE course to purse a degree in a different field to my alevels and the jobs I have done since then. My aunt's work offers an apprenticeship in a vaguely similar, but not identical role. For comparison the apprenticeship would be to become a mechanic where I want to design cars (not the exact field I'm going into, but a decent analogy). Apparently I'm an idiot for not going the apprenticeship route even though it's completely the wrong qualification for what I want to do, I'm wasting my time going to uni. Her career is in apprenticeships and has headed up these for many years.

I worked for the same company as my aunt for a couple of years after my previous work dried up during COVID. She credits herself with getting me that job. I landed a very challenging but very good position in an school a couple of years ago. She immediately questioned how on earth I'd got that job and who had helped me get it. Ignoring the fact that I'm actually quite intelligent, generally do very well in interviews and fit the required qualifications perfectly. But I could not have possibly done that on my own!

To be quite honest, I think she's very jealous of the relationship I have with my mum. We are very close, get along and spend a lot of quality time together. My aunt has a very sour relationship with her own daughter.

I have never done a single thing to this woman to make her so bloody critical of me. She's 60 years old for god's sake.

Thank you for reading my rant if you've got this far, I'm just baffled as to how every good things that happens to me is somehow criticised or dem
onised by her.

Why is your mother telling you this stuff? You don’t need to know the nastiness your aunt is spouting, surely?

Next time your mother starts to tell you what she has said, just tell her you don’t want to hear her (your aunt’s) nastiness, because it will only upset you.

She sounds jealous but I would wonder why is your mum telling you things she apparently said about you .seems a bit pot stirring.

Sorry to drip feed!
Definitely not pot stirring on my mum's part, she's gets every issue my aunt has with anyone vented to her everytime she sees her. My mum finds it very hard especially when the issues are with my sister and I, the whole relationship is very draining for my mum and she's had to take a step away. I am very close with my mum so she often shares these with me as she knows they won't be passed on to anyone else within the family, my sister included. My dad's lovely but provides terrible emotional support despite his best efforts, so that usually falls to me.

I don’t think it’s pot stirring, I think your mums giving you the heads up. I do think you mum should be saying enough now, she’s my daughter etc but equally you’re an adult. Confront her, ask what the issue is exactly and tell her to mind her own.

I'm not particularly upset, more completely bemused as sometimes I feel like she's talking about a completely different person. My mum and I have a bit of a giggle about the ridiculous things she says about me and how very off base she is with so much of it!

Well, if it helps your mum to dump on you, and it helps you to dump on Mumsnet, then dump away!

Yes, your aunt is a cow.

(Perhaps you could suggest to your mum that she can close things down when other people are telling her about your aunt’s latest? She doesn’t have to hear about it, either.)

I honestly cannot be bothered confronting her, I see very little of her despite living in the same town and everyone else in the family is smart enough to form their own opinions rather than listen to her.

It does help! I love my mum to bits and she's an amazingly kind women. She probably wouldn't do that even if I suggested it, she's far more likely hear it all just to make sure everyone is okay.

She sounds like she’s due a big hard disregarding tbh. There’s always one. I’d carry on going from strength to strength, if I were in your shoes, and let her yap. Clearly she’s got a lot of opinions and it fulfils her need for drama or discord. Good luck to her, sad way to live.

Just ignore her? Both you and your mum?

Another drip feed- but her children can do absolutely no wrong. Every decision they make is amazing, they are all fantastic and she never stops talking about how wonderful they are. Though 2 out of 3 have actually turned out to be very balanced, well rounded individuals, happy in their careers ect. According to my aunt, this is partially because none of them went to uni. The irony here being that she has a bachelor's.

Just avoid.

Unfortunately some people just can't see others making their own way in life without a nasty comment.

Maybe ask your mom not to tell you all the things she says as it's bothering you? I have a family member quite similar to your aunt and there is no talking to them, I've had many arguments over things with them (stuck in the 80s can't understand why everything is so 'woke' now) and they just will not see my point of view. I've kept my distance now and it's made my life easier. Sounds like you're doing the same.