Hello all,
I need some external perspective of possible please as I am at war with myself over this one.
DH and I have been together for 10 years, have 2 children (10 and 5). When we met, we both made the executive decision to come off social media - a non issue for both of us. I've been plodding along merrily for the last 10 years, social media free, and whilst there are times I miss it (seeing what's on locally for the kids etc), I've been quite happy without it.
Now, youngest daughter was sticking stickers on my husbands phone the other night and I saw, whilst she was doing so, 1 of the top used apps on his phone was the Facebook app.
Quite surprised and, honestly, confused, I got in touch with a friend who has Facebook as asked her to take a look and see if she could find him on there. Low and behold, he is and has been since Aug 2020.
Now, for reference, husband I separated for 2 years when youngest was born - stress and strain and me being quite unwell following her birth and him being quite frankly useless. The separation falls in this time frame. We would both admit, it's been difficult coming back together after the separation and it's never felt quite right. Sex is non existent unless I initiate - something I stopped doing almost a year ago as a "trial" however there has been nothing from him since. There is also very little affection, on both parts, and it does feel like a marriage of convenience more than anything else unfortunately.
The Facebook account itself is under a difficult to decipher name and does look as though to is largely full of work colleagues - he works as a account manager for a sales company and many of the contacts are work contacts. There are however a number of "choice" follows on his behalf - mainly of pages with videos of women taking their clothes off.
I am not against porn. We haven't had sex in such a long time, I almost expect it be part of our marriage now. I am however of the opinion it's something that a marrieds couple should enjoy, privately.
However, I was instantly filled with rage upon finding out about all of this - feeling confused why he's kept this account a secret, disrespected but also slightly disgusted at the fact he has these choice follows on what appears on the surface to be a work Facebook.
I came down from the initial anger and reasoned with myself that it was a work Facebook, he's likely not mentioned it in fear of rocking the boat and the choice follows are just "lads being lads". But then, I battle with myself in that my initial feelings are justified, he's disrespected me and is also giving the attention that he doesn't give to me, to others.
I haven't raised any of this with him yet, as I'm not sure which side of the fence I am sitting or what I actually hope to gain from raising it.
What are everyone's thoughts on this please?
Thanks in advance xx