Does that make me an awful person?
Ds in in his 20s and has autism and some learning difficulties, they are also on the learning disability register. I am his registered carer. DS would need to live in supported accommodation to live independently but can do some things for himself. He just will not.
He does need support, he is not safe with things like the iron, he would forget things are in the oven, put things in the microwave that cannot go in and would burn himself taking things out of the oven, draining water from a pain and things such as that. He also needs support to manage and attend appointments, respond to emails and letters and pay bills.
He cannot be left home alone for more than an hour without starting to phone me because he does not like being on his own and definitely cannot be left across times he might want to eat.
The problem is there are things he can do but he will absolutely not and it has caused a lot of arguments. In fact he will not do anything at all. He won't wash up because he says he does not like the feel of it and it causes sensory issues, I bought gloves, he still will not do it, I repeatedly show him how to use the washer but he will not, he says he does not understand but is more than capable of doing it and has a massive meltdown if he has not got what he needs.
On days he is not at part time work he not get dressed at all. He sits in his room on the internet or games.
He will go to the shop on his way home from work but will not go at any other time. He will not take the dog out. He does nothing at all.
I myself am autistic and also have MS and PTSD. I am exhausted. I get no support or respite, if he is not at work the few hours a week then he is with me and I do everything. I have tried to reach out to outside agencies but he will not engage with them. I have tried to find support for me also but I can never attend anything as he is always with me.
I am tired, I am burnt out. I am tired of walking on egg shells waiting for the explosion of meltdowns, tired of doing everything myself and honestly I do not want to do this for another 40 plus years, I have no life, I am chronically ill myself but feel trapped by my son.
Am I a terrible person and Mother?