Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Child’s father two years later and does this?

7 replies

Whatheu · 06/12/2023 13:28

DC’s dad left me when I was 7 months pregnant. He literally refused to speak to me and said I was a nightmare to be with (the only thing I can think is I was v anxious in pregnancy), didn’t want to know me or dc and that if I wanted financial support to go to cms.

That was two years ago. I did claim cms. He always paid.

I know 100% he has not been in a relationship in this time, he did not leave me for another woman (not that it makes it any better!).

So dc turns two last week and he suddenly says he wants to see her. I agreed. Had no idea how to approach it but always said I would never come between them. He turns up with wrapped gifts for dc (fine, I get that) but then also a gift and card for me and flowers. No explanation. I said it was inappropriate and he said I didn’t need to accept them. Obviously as dd was there we couldn’t talk and I sort of regret meeting him without forcing him to speak to me first because in all these years I’ve never had answers. I am in a new relationship (early days). He doesn’t know about my personal life. But part of me now wants to ask what the fuck? Why did you do that to me? He’s already asked to see dd again and I have agreed but I don’t think I can sustain this without asking these questions. I spent a long time feeling so confused and angry and now he suddenly does this? Close friend says to leave it and not ask, keep distance etc. But I feel angry I have to play along now he suddenly wants to be involved?

OP posts:
Whataretheodds · 06/12/2023 13:32

What did the card say?

If you are apportioning any meaning that isn't explicitly written in the card then you're overthinking it.

Whatheu · 06/12/2023 13:55

@Whataretheodds ‘hope you like the gifts.’

I am not reading into it in the sense of some hope of reigniting anything if that’s what you mean! I just feel angry and upset that he could cut me off like he did and then suddenly pop up as if nothing has happened. He put me through huge trauma that took months to recover from.

OP posts:
megletthesecond · 06/12/2023 13:57

I wouldn't engage with him tbh. He can jump through legal hoops or mediation to set up contact properly. He'll only mess his DD around again.

AgnesX · 06/12/2023 13:59

He probably felt that he couldn't just show up empty handed and in some sort half arsed fashion thought it might butter you up.

I wouldn't read too much into it in terms of your adult relationship. I would be giving him the Inquisition over his intentions towards your child however .He needs to realise that can't just put in an appearance when it suits him.

BoohooWoohoo · 06/12/2023 13:59

You wouldn’t be unreasonable to say that if he is serious about being a dad then it’s time to start the legal process and you’ll be happy to do mediation etc
Cost of a Child Arrangement Order is £210 plus mediation and the positive is that you’ll know what days he might want contact and it will be a small sign that he might be there permanently.

DisforDarkChocolate · 06/12/2023 14:00

Are you sure he doesn't know you're in a relationship?

Aprilx · 06/12/2023 14:07

I don’t think him turning up with a gift and flowers for you has any particular meaning, in the grand scheme of what he has done, it would be the least of my concerns.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page