To think the school should say ‘No’ ?!

[BurritoChurrito]

I realise this is a very minor irk in the grand scheme of things, however…

My DC is at primary school. Every term, the children are asked to come to school dressed up based on the topic they’ve been studying (Romans, Victorians, Egyptians).

Since this has started, a particular group of parents in my DCs class have decided that their children either ‘don’t have to’ or ‘don’t want to’ dress up, and therefore they ask the teachers if their DC can come in Disney princess outfits / football kits / mufti. This is a group of approximately 10 children, so about a third of the class. Every time, the teachers give them permission. It now means that my DC don’t want to dress up either, and don’t understand why they should or have to. My DC have also said that the children who don’t dress up make disparaging comments about those that do. My opinion is that they’ve been told to dress in a particular outfit in line with their topic, so they either wear that, or they can wear their school uniform. I’m now wondering why I bother, as the school doesn’t seem to care, so why should I? It’s effort and money to buy or make these costumes.

AIBU to think the school should say no, and if certain kids don’t want to dress up, they are told to wear school uniform?

To add - the children in question are not SEN and don’t have any issues that would preclude them from dressing up, they just don’t want to.

I think school would be best just stopping the random dress up days!

YANBU.
Either it's a dressing up day based on the topic, with the teacher discussing reasonable adjustments for individual children with their parents, or it's uniform for all.

As a side note, I'd be happy if they stopped these dressing up days because it's a needless barrier to those families who don't have time or money to throw at an Egyptian costume for one day

Agree. Fine if they don't want to dress as a Roman or can't afford a Victorian costume, but they shouldn't be allowed to do as they please. They should just come in school uniform if they don't want to participate in the dressing up.

I agree it would nark me as well- especially if it's leading to bullying type comments for the children who do dress up. As a teacher, I think the school need to re-think this as an idea, they should ask what the value is in dressing up if all students aren't accessing it?
As a parent I really hate it when I'm asked to send my child in 'as a Victorian- but don't feel you need to buy a costume', it puts me in an unwinnable situation because I don't have naturally Victorian items around the house, and I have twins so it's double the cost of a costume. I wonder if you could put it to the PTFA that there needs to be a change- perhaps a drawing could be done of their topic or the school could invest in some class props if they want to do a dress up.
Basically- I agree that you're not unreasonable, but I think the issue is systemic with the school

Our school it’s dress up on theme or uniform. If you don’t want to do full dress up, just swap out an accessory (like add a theme appropriate hat).

id contact the school and say it’s putting pressure on you to let your dc come in wearing general fancy dress and they don’t want to do the theme, this puts pressure on you to buy a more expensive costume than the “easy home made” themed one. Could they either stop dress up all together or say theme or uniform, not expensive football kits or expensive “princess” outfits except on non-themed dress up days.

Without knowing anything about the catchment area for the school, my first thought is maybe the parents can't afford it and want children to wear a spiderman costume or elsa dress that they already have at home. We have world book day and Christmas jumper day every year and that's enough in my opinion, without being asked to provide a costume for something else once a term.

@Elfontheshmelf It is not a financial issue. It’s an incredibly expensive, posh area. It’s a basically a group of cliquey mums, who think their children can do no wrong… the children in question have few boundaries, are rude and demanding of their parents, and bully other children in the class.

Last time I saw this the teachers could have used some support - one was a “Victorian” but she was wearing a sexy Bavarian bar maid costume. 😂

This!

I know you say this isn't the case, but my autistic DS absolutely would not dress up for years. Because he is not a roman so to his mind pretending to be one is a lie. He will however where a cat (fake) oodie, because that is an item of his cloths, that he also where's as a dressing gown at home, so not pretending or a lie.

The cat oodie is therefore a witches cat at Halloween, slinky malinky on book day, and his lovely teacher has added a cat to the list of barn animals in the nativity. Just saying that giving teachers the freedom to make adjustments (which might not seem to make sence) can actually be really helpful to some.

I think they should probably stop it. A lot of people probably don't want to buy or make a single use costume

FGS - children get far too much choice these days.

@Sprogonthetyne I completely understand - one of my DC is neurodiverse. However, I can categorically say that it is not the case here. I know the children and their parents extremely well.

If you're a coward, like me you could email to the school in a slightly passive aggressive way seeking 'more information':

Is dressing up day just a non uniform day?

You're seeking clarity on this because while you want to support the school, you're in a tricky position as your child is now also asking to dress as princess Esmeralda/ Jack Grealish 1) due to negative comments from other kids to those who do take part and 2) the high proportion of non uniform now occuring on these days.

Many thanks etc. etc.

Parents really have better things to do and spend money on that buying / making costumes for a succession of themed days. I completely understand the parents who don't have the time or inclination for this but want to avoid their children being upset by being in school uniform when everyone else is dressed as an astronaut or victorian peasant. There should only be one or two dress up days a year to give parents a break.

Somebody evil might be heard saying 'I do think it's nice that the school turn a blind eye to dress up where the parents can't afford to get a costume. Well, this is a very expensive area and people can overstretch themselves or have other expenses.' in the playground.

YANBU. My son went through a long period of not wanting to dress up... so just went in uniform on those days! Choosing something other than uniform or costume is just massive entitlement!

If you're a coward, like me you could email to the school in a slightly passive aggressive way seeking 'more information':

Is dressing up day just a non uniform day?

You're seeking clarity on this because while you want to support the school, you're in a tricky position as your child is now also asking to dress as princess Esmeralda/ Jack Grealish 1) due to negative comments from other kids to those who do take part and 2) the high proportion of non uniform now occuring on these days.

Many thanks etc. etc
I like that approach.
I'd not even consider that particularly passive aggressive, just asking school to clarify their position to parents so that everyone knows the score.

It's hard for schools to expect parental buy in when they create an environment that is a two tier system, different sets of rules and expectations for different children (not including reasonable adjustments for SEND in that by the way).

Feels like dressing up related to the theme, or not dressing up should be the options. Fine not to force kids to dress up (it can be expensive and a pain for parents) but random mufti / football kit isn’t an ok alternative.

This

A parent tried this at my dds primary once , she said her child didn't want to dress up as a Shakespeare character could they wear something else and the teacher replied of course, they can wear their uniform instead. Mum was not happy but I thought it was brilliant that the teacher wouldn't bow down .