Tv and babies

[Ambn1]

My DD is 5 months old. We don’t use screens to entertain her and would like to hold off on introducing them until she is older.

When I get up with her in the morning, we go downstairs and I give her tummy time and time to play on her play mat and with her toys. During this time I don’t put the tv on, because I feel like this will draw her attention (and mine!) away from play.

My DH and other family members think I’m being overly harsh on myself and should allow myself to put the tv or radio on in the background to entertain myself while the baby plays.

IBU- it’s fine to have tv on in the background while baby plays.

INBU- having the tv on in the background is detrimental to the baby.

Of course YANBU. People managed without screens for millennia lol. We did the same and chose not to use any screens at all until our child was 2.5yr. It worked really well for us and looking back I'm definitely glad we did it, even though it wasn't always the easiest time.

Of course, if you feel like it would be the better option in some scenarios (you have a work call, you're sick with nobody to help, you are struggling mentally and need a break) it's not the worst thing in the world, but there's certainly no assumption you should be using screens or that it's wrong if you don't.

I must admit I came across this attitude quite a bit, I never outright told anyone we were screen-free as there was no need to and I didn't want it to seem braggy, but when people found out through conversation (happened a couple times) they would be quite judgey and taken aback as if our screen free decision meant we were criticising them. But that's par for the course with every parenting decision tbh.

You will def get people criticising you for being 'pfb' but do what works for you and your child. I think it's a wonderful thing to be able to do for your child if you want to.

My toddler who is 16m very rarely gets the TV on and shows no interest when it is on. She plays perfectly fine without it. We put it on once she's gone to bed. You are not being unreasonable.

Neither.

It isn't detrimental to the baby to have the TV on in the background. At the same time, if you don't feel you need or want it on then that's also fine. My toddler got gradual screen time from about a year old. Some days I've banned it completely as I felt he was getting too much (more recently) and other times he'll have it more than I'd like (we've both been poorly recently so we had it on for hours!).

When they do get to an age they might watch a bit, it is more about what they are watching. My nearly 2 year old watches YouTube videos with me about animals. He names them with me. We stay away from overstimulating things like Cocomelon!

YANBU. I give 30 mins of Miss Rachel in the morning so that I can shower, sort breakfast etc. My 7.5mo is a contact napper so I don’t get that time while she’s asleep 🙄
And then it’s off all day usually because we’re out and about or playing. I will sometimes put it on in the evening because I like watching Pointless 😂😂 but it depends what else is going on.

It does mean my Netflix watch list is backing up a bit though!!

To be honest when my DS was that age he wasn’t interested in the TV at all, he just ignored it so I used have it on for myself.

Once he started being glued to it, (much later, around age 2) that’s when I started to limit to 1 or 2 episodes of teletubbies while I cooked dinner.

When people say it worked for them, can I ask at what age you started to see that your children were developing ahead of their peers / had better socialisation etc compared to babies who would be let watch TV? And do you think this advantage has held up now their older in terms of who they are

I often put the radio on, don’t always think about putting tv on on the background as I grew up without a TV for a lot of the time, and when my older two were little I didn’t have a TV for about 4 years as I couldn’t afford to buy one and the license, neither did the have anything with a screen. They are no more or less advanced than their peers currently, though when one was in preschool or reception can’t recall which, there was a comment in their development portfolio that they did not know how to use a computer mouse or touch screen and this was seen as a negative thing.

My son is 9 months and wasn’t interested in the TV until very recently. When we are getting ready in the morning we put some Nursery Rhymes on YouTube and he enjoys that and it’s handy to keep him still for a few minutes. But that’s the only TV time he has. It’s totally Ok to have the radio on in the background - singing and music are super encouraged to help with speech development so if you want to have some music playing whilst you’re doing tummy time then that will have absolutely no detrimental effect. Singing is such a good way to help babies learn how speech works and they love the repetitive nature of songs.
I follow a child speech therapist on socials who was saying that TV time is fine in small doses, but it’s best to do it with your input. So if watching something then make comments like wow look at that bear, or singing along to the songs etc, rather than just letting them sit for ages on their own watching stuff.

DS watched a bit of tv as a baby - he found cricket very soothing for some reason, which was helpful after vaccinations etc. I never felt the occasional 15 minutes would do him any harm.

There's no reasonable or unreasonable here - it's fine to have it on, and it won't matter either if it's off.

I had it on all day during maternity leave, more or less, for my own sake. The babies weren't particularly interested or not! It was only once they became toddlers that we became more careful with it.

@Ambn1

Ahhh it feels like Mumsnet of old, stressing about screen time.

Not wading in on that one this morning.

but what's your issue with the radio??

What's the issue with a radio? You literally have a silent house? that's ridiculous. A bit of TV is fine to.

It's a tough one- I worried obsessively about screen time with my first child and then was much more relaxed with my twins. Now that they're older I don't think there is any difference between their attitudes to media, each other etc. Ultimately, I think I worried a lot and it didn't matter either way.

I don't know of any evidence that being screen-free increases the likelihood of higher attainment later on, however I can say anecdotally that we read a TONNE of books when DC was little, from being a baby onwards, they were absolutely in love with reading and we would often get through 30-40 across the day (some re-reads obviously... many, many re-reads...). Now that they're almost four they're doing well, can read three or four letter words, can tell you what most three letter words spell when you say them out loud, can often read things out and about (he read 'crispy fries' on the wall of our local takeaway haha) and has a massive passion for words, letters, numbers, and learning. Of course now they have screen time they love watching stuff on the TV too (no tablets or phones). But I wonder if there's any correlation between spending the first 2-3yr without screens and how they are with literacy now. My common sense suggests that a small child would prefer a screen to a book as one is more passive and one more active, but who knows? There are smart kids raised both ways. My kid wasn't early with any milestones (speaking, walking etc.) just average, but they're pretty advanced now they're approaching school age.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I suppose my question is more about me watching tv when the baby is around rather than putting on children’s things for her to watch. I try not to use my phone around her very much as I want to be present and interact with her and don’t want to set a bad example of always being glued to my phone and feel like having the tv on in the background will just do the same thing and pull my attention away. But also do find the time can really drag when I’m on my own in the house playing with a baby! When I’ve talked about this to my husband and family, they’ve said they think it’s no problem to put the tv on in the background but I’m not so sure!

I found the days very long when I had a young baby, I’ll be honest, so don’t make it harder for yourself.

I’m sure she’s getting loads of good interaction from you as well - talking, playing, singing, getting out of the house.

You don’t need to be interacting with her constantly. It took me a while to get my head around that - I felt guilty if I wasn’t giving DS some meaningful interaction at all times. But just watching every day life is education for babies too.

The sooner you can start building a solid Bluey addiction the better imo.

It's completely up to you what you choose to do and you don't need to justify.

All I will say though is that I refused to let my 1st watch TV at all for the first 10 months even turning his back to it if it was on. People thought I was nuts. Then we let him have a little bit, one of his first words was Duggee. Now at 3 he's obsessed with the TV and I am constantly having to distract him or he asks to watch it.

My 2nd has been around the TV since birth and at 15 months currently has absolutely no interest in it at all. So it can be child dependent.

For me, I generally put music on over the TV during the day. But I don't think there is any harm in TV.

I think it depends on what the norm was before. DH and I were never a couple to have the TV on unless we were actively watching it. Our TV is in the front room and we spend most of the daytime in the back room/kitchen dining room open plan space. I know that's different in a lot of friends and families houses, it's just on like background noise.
I don't think it's good for baby's brain to be exposed to constant flashing lights and fast moving images. Like any screen use it should be limited. Seeing the way DS's eyes moved when he did occasionally see it was pretty odd, totally glued and rapidly flickering like some sort of comedy cat watching a tennis match type thing.
I do use TV for him now he's 18mo, but it's 30-40 mins max whilst I'm doing essential chores and then it goes off. Equally a phone with a kids show on we resorted to when all ill and looking after him was ridiculously hard, but I only do it when absolutely essential like keeping him entertained waiting for an appointment or a long journey.
Radio though - I think that's fine and often had it on when DS was a baby. Music is good for brain development!

I didn't have the TV on at all really for the first couple of years of my twins' life, but it wasn't because I was worried about their screen time; it was more that TV didn't really factor into my life back then.
Both had occasional time on screens from around 3, but we've always been pretty active (although my health conditions get in the way of that!).
We've got a pretty good balance these days.

i also have read that number of books to my baby who loved and still loves reading but we also had tv time - probably an hour to an hour and half a day. My baby automatically started using baby sign language day to day from watching ms Rachel and has excellent speech for her age and can also understand everything. So it’s incredibly hard to ascertain any impact of a lack of screen time as she also loves reading.

i would consider myself reasonably strict on screen time but my DB kids watch loads of tv and always have and they are all very advanced - their 7 year old is doing 11 year old maths and reading for example so I don’t think it has a detrimental impact tbh.

studies are very flawed as parents who sit their kids in front of tv all day are unlikely to be putting any time into their kids so obviously those kids will have detrimental outcomes.

Who cares? At 5 months they won't care anyway!

Mine’s at secondary now but when she was a newborn I watched TV when I was doing those mega-long evening feeds. But then when they petered out I found myself not watching much TV. And then it broke. Think it was about three years until we got a new one! She was about three before she had screens. The abuse from other people when they found out was bizarre!

We have always usually had TV on in the background since dd was born, she's 14 months now. Not children's stuff, just the usual This Morning, the news etc

She has very little interest in TV herself and has actually enjoyed adverts more than any Cbeebies or whatever I've sometimes shown her. She is drawn to the music.

But she still loves books and playing etc, I wouldn't say it's affected her, it's just background noise really.

You are completely correct, children that age do not need screens. Given the links between screen time and autism I would avoid completely until older.
https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/fullarticle/2788488