In pain and lonely

[Donetrying1]

I’m sorry this is such a depressing read.
6 weeks ago l had a hip replacement (l’m 66) unfortunately because I’d waited nearly 2 years the arthritis is advanced and the surgery had some problems and l’m in agony and really struggling to get up every day which is very depressing.
ive spoken to the surgeon who explained the problems of the surgery and who just said ‘we’ll see how you are in 3 months’
not terribly helpful.
The thing is it’s been an eye opener for friends and family as literally l have found just one friend who’s interested in keeping in touch and she bless her is the busiest of everyone!
l have not asked for any practical help and managed (god knows how) on my own with home deliveries etc.
l used to work as a Family Support worker and l have always put myself out for my friends and been there for them through thick and thin.
l did ask a couple of (supposedly close friends) if they had time l’d love a visit, but heard nothing.
Even my 2 children seem to have given up on me as l haven’t bounced back to full health.
The pain is awful and l’m not sleeping despite heavy duty painkillers, spending a fortune on physio etc, but the worse thing is after decades of being there for others l feel really sad that l can’t even expect a text from people who l thought were friends.
l’m sorry if this seems whinging and l keep telling myself everyone is busy but l do feel sad and let down. I know l should be grateful for my one young friend and l am and l’ve told her how much her support means even though she’s only someone l only met last year.
l’m single, no partner and had quite a tough life so this all feels really hurtful.

Really sorry OPthat sounds terrible. My aunt had this and was in similar pain. We all loved her so much and wanted her to get better. I hope you get better soon and have a great Christmas

I'm sorry you're in so much pain, and are feeling so let down by friends. I fear some people will never understand circumstances like yours, which, of course, doesn't make you feel any better.

I hope you've got some physio exercises you can manage, and some paracetamol to help.

Sorry to hear all that OP. Many years ago now, my DH had a brief affair and it was eye opening for me to see how it sorted the wheat from the chaff with people I had thought were friends.
I do think the pandemic and lockdown have changed life dramatically. Over and over again on this forum you see people posting about being lonely. Meanwhile, 'out there', the restaurants are full, the number of flights has risen above pre pandemic levels, exhibitions and attractions are booked months in advance, 'everyone has to go everywhere' we say to each other.
Not much of an answer for you. Your situation sounds awful. Is there a befriending service near you? Can you register for counselling with your health authority, have you seen your GP for help with pain control? Don't stop asking for help. We have community hubs and cafes where I live. If you can get your pain better controlled, just getting out and seeing folk will help.
I really feel for you, your situation is only around the corner for most of us. There isn't the neighbourlyness there used to be. Take care, hope things improve.

I get this OP. I'm a LP and over the years would have liked to be able to call on my friends and family once in a blue moon for some support. Yet when push comes to shove I find very rarely does anyone step in (like almost never) even when I ask for help so I learned to do everything on my own and never ask. It is hurtful. I realise people have their own lives but mostly people are wrapped up in themselves and their own family and don't stop to think of others. It's not personal, just people are sadly selfish these days. Sad times. Sending you good wishes and hope you feel better.

Oh lordy, it is shit when you find out who your friends are, particularly under such circumstances.

Could you get in touch with your GP to see if they can review your pain meds? A change might be the answer

Sending warm vibes - I hope your friends and family wake up and get their caring pants on soon!

I’m really sorry your friends and family haven’t stepped up. Your children should be rallying round at a time like this. I do hope you soon feel better.

How are you doing OP. Sorry people are so selfish

I’m so sorry OP, I know the pain of arthritis, I had both hips replaced last year at the age of 45 and had struggled on in immense pain for 2 years before that without telling anyone. Hip replacements are brutal operations as it is and leave you feeling exhausted and in pain, and I suffered from depression after mine. The recovery can be tough, especially if there were problems during the surgery.

Thinking of you OP. Hope you are ok x