Suicidal partner went missing yesterday, police won’t tell me where in the country he is - what now

[Onionbhajisandwich]

Posting for traffic.

my partner went missing last night after sending me a text that indicated that he was going to commit suicide.

The police called me at 11:30pm to say that they’d located him and I would receive a further update from them but I’ve had nothing. I’m going out of my mind with worry.

I don’t know what to do??

Take it to another thread, neverdropyourmooncup. Extremely unhelpful here.

I’m sorry some people are derailing your thread and don’t understand. This is such good news that they know where he is and took your report seriously. I hope he gets the helps he needs and tou surround yourself with love as well

You poor thing, this must be so distressing. Is there anyone who can come and sit with you, whilst you wait for more news? At least you know he's safe and not on his own. Hopefully, the Crisis team will be able to help him now. xXx

I’m so sorry you are going through this op. My mother was always threatening suicide. There was an awful lot going on, coercive control as a PP said. You cannot solve their issues. It’s taken me 50 years to realise that. Look after yourself op, and I hope you can move on and into a more functional relationship (or be single). This is not lacking compassion, it’s caring for yourself too. You are important also, op.

What a desperately awful thing for you to be going through. I can’t offer any advice but sending strength. X

Have to agree here- people threatening suicide and 'Disappearing' can be very threatening and controlling..it is a way of giving absolute fear and stress to the people around them.

Look after yourself OP.

They won't give any information

My son was in a serious car accident two years ago.

First thing in the morning his gf texted me to tell me he had texted her at 1am to say he was in an accident, the police had taken his phone and he was being taken to hospital.

I called the hospital who told me he had been discharged several hours prior, I said but he lives with me and had not arrived home. The nursing staff said, 'we cannot tell you any further information, I hope you understand'. By which I understood he had been discharged to the care of the police. I called the police because I figured he was going to need collecting at some point and the next nearest station with cells was a 30 minute drive away, and I had work. They would only say that "there were no concerns for his welfare". No other information.

It's frustrating but there you have it.

If they found him at 1130pm realistically they're probably still sitting in a hospital with him waiting to be assessed.

The main thing is you know he's safe. Unfortunately though if he hasn't given the Police permission to tell you where he is, their hands are tied & all they can do is confirm he's been traced & is safe

Hope you hear from them again soon

You don’t know that.

It could be for lots of different reasons.

My DH is a Police Officer, with 17 years service. He has dealt with loads of suicide threats and actual suicides. In almost all cases, when someone tells someone they are going to commit suicide, they rarely follow though. The ones that do actually do it, tend to alert no one. It's still very frustrating that they haven't updated you though. Hopefully you will hear soon.

@Onionbhajisandwich Im sorry I’ve had to phone police under similar circumstances. I was the wife however, all they would tell me was he was safe and well nothing more. I’m sorry but phoning the police again will be a pointless act, you are going to have to play the waiting game for him to make contact.

How awful. Your heart must be in your feet 😞
I really hope you see them soon.

@NeverDropYourMooncup I have to agree with you. We don't know the circumstances here or what the state of this relationship is generally like or how he and OP usually treat each other, but I have seen several cases before of 'if you leave me I will kill myself' (of course they don't).
Or this could be a genuine case. Either way it is terribly distressing.

If he's in crisis, the last thing he will be focusing on is causing intentional distress.

The thing is that this is something that some coercive people do and it's also something that some very very upset and disturbed people do. We have no idea which category her partner comes into and it's very hurtful to speculate on here.

I'm so sorry OP. What a distressing time for you. I guess all you can do is keep calling? It isn't at all unreasonable to ask for information in this life and death situation

Do you have any real life support?

Even if you keep calling they still won't release the information to you. As distressing as it is, he's an adult and the police can't pass on the information without his consent, no matter how many times you call.

Sorry OP, this must be a really distressing situation, I hope he contacts you soon.

I didn't suggest that that his location would be shared, just that it's worth calling to confirm he is safe. They had located him last night but that doesn't mean much.

They all have access to the same data, so it’s irrelevant who you call really, inc 111. Just call your local Nick.

however they may not share the info with you if he doesn’t wish it shared. Do you live together, I see often people say partner when they mean boyfriend, and next of kin ie parents may be informed instead,

I think when dh was missing I called at some times every 2 hours. Sometimes that was the Missing People helpline.

Don't feel you have to do that or anything. But if you are climbing the walls, call. I know the police said to dh when they found him that they knew I'd want to see him.

Oh OP this must be agonising for you to go through. Please speak to some of the professional resources shared on this thread to get proper, informed advice and some support for yourself - do you have people in real life who you can be with while you're waiting? Your family, friends, DP's family/friends?

Your DP is very unwell, and they've been located by professionals who will be doing their best to give support in the most suitable way. I hope you hear soon xx

Hi all,

He’s finally been in touch and is on his way home. The police let him go last night even though he was classed as high risk as it was a different police force area where he was found.

Thanks All xx