Wedding party and baby

[Frenchtoastie]

myself and my partner are part of a wedding party for our friends wedding abroad.
we had a plan to start trying for a baby around 9 months before their wedding (conveniently)
we are unsure whether to start trying anyway, as it may not happen straight away or should we wait to make sure we can be bridesmaids / groomsmen as planned?
YABU - wait and make sure you can attend the wedding
YANBU - try anyway

Anything can happen. It could take ages or it could happen straight away. What if the couple break it off and you've waited for nothing? What if you put it off for 9 months then get asked to be someone else's bridesmaid/groomsmen 9 months after that? Will you wait for that wedding to be over with too? Don't plan your life to fit in with other people's party plans. If you want a family, start trying now.

If you want a baby you need to trying, you can't delay for others plans.

If you're concerned about the wedding opt out of taking on roles and delay booking to attend

With kindness, what's more important to you, starting a family or being part of a wedding party? If you're young enough you could hold off for a bit, but I personally wouldn't wait for something as frivolous as this, anything could happen between now and then.

I held off TTC for 6 months as my mum was terminally ill, it still took me 5 years to get pregnant.

There will always be something in the way. You’re unlikely to fall pregnant straight away anyway.

I will be 29 and my partner 33, would you say this is young?

At your age, I would wait a few months so you wouldn't be due at the time of the wedding. If you're on hormonal contraception you could stop that and use condoms for a while, so your cycles come back naturally.
You've already committed to being in the wedding party. But I know on MN, nothing else in life can possibly trump TTC or having a child, everyone seems to drop their friends the minute they give birth. Friends are very important, remember that.

You just can't predict how long it will take. I fell pregnant 1st or 2nd month 3 times in a row but the 1st 2 ended in miscarriage. I'm now 32w, due 10 months after the due date of my first pregnancy.
(I'm 42)

I’d not take on a role in the wedding if I knew I was TTC. If you’re heavily pregnant you won’t be able to fly/ if you’ve literally just had a baby you won’t be able to go and anything can happen in pregnancy so I wouldn’t commit to a role with responsibility. If it was me and I knew I was trying I’d just say we’ll attend as guests (hopefully) so as not to cause any unnecessary issues if you then need to drop out.

Don’t delay. Maybe miss our this month so you’re not about to give birth at the wedding if you really want to go etc. but TTC can take a while so I wouldn’t put it on hold. Plus it happens when it happens… it’s the one thing in life you don’t have much control over.

OP has committed to being in the wedding party yes, but she hasn't agreed to put her life on hold. She has agreed to wear a nice dress and walk around with a bunch of flowers for a day. Depending on how far along she is at the time of the wedding and assuming she can still travel there is no reason she can't still do that.

Yes friends are important, but if you have lots of friends and always prioritise their needs over your own you will never have time to live your own life. I've been bridesmaid/maid of honour 5 times (once alongside a bridesmaid who was 7 months pregnant). If I'd had to wait for everyone to plan and execute their weddings before I made any decisions about my own life I would have missed out a lot!

I'd try from next month. It could happen first time, after six months or you might need additional help. Best to start before your thirties, I'd say, looking at my closest friends and their difficulties getting pregnant between age 32 and 35. Not trying to scare you - I just think it's better to start earlier :)

I don't think you should delay, but I don't think you should take roles in the wedding - you need to be open with your friend about your plans, so she can plan accordingly.

I don't think you should wait

I don't think you should brief your friends about your sex life (for that is what telling them you're TTC is tantamount to)

I do think you should be ready to tell your friend (possibly much earlier than you might otherwise choose) if a pregnancy results, so that there is plenty of time to adapt/replan if you do become pregnant.