To ask how to make friends at university as a mature student?

[howtomakefriendslol]

I'm 28, and currently studying for my second degree after a career change. When I went to university at 19 I struggled with making friends and isolated myself a lot and felt really lonely there.

I'm now 28, and struggling once again! There are people on my course who I'm friendly with, but I never want to approach others in case they don't want me sitting with them, or if they have saved the seat for someone else. I tend to go in and sit towards the back and hope someone sits next to me. I also struggle when we have breaks in between lectures, as I will go and sit in the common room on my own, despite it being full of people I know - I'll only go and sit with them if I'm actually invited otherwise I presume I'm not wanted.

There are other mature students on the course, but they all have children and seem to be at a later stage of life than me, despite being around the same age. I think I am slightly young/immature for my age.

I was a similar age to you, in fact a couple of years older, and the only mature student on my course. I just treated everyone as if they were my age and I was part of the gang. They were all perfectly friendly and included me.
It sounds as though you might be excluding yourself, rather than being excluded by them.
I think you need to just treat them as your peers and throw yourself into the group. Don’t wait to get invited, just join the conversation. I don’t think people ‘invite’, they just get involved.
They won’t be looking at you as if you’re an old lady, you’re only a handful of years older than them. Just talk to them. Go over and sit down and ask them about the assignment, or what they’re eating for lunch, or what they’re doing at the weekend.
For the record, I’m really shy and awkward so this wasn’t easy for me to do. But don’t forget that young students are all pretty socially inept and will probably be happy for you to start the conversation.

I just start talking to people when waiting for things or participating in stuff. I know that's frowned upon on here (there was a thread about someone being embarrassed by their partner doing just this) but you'll meet all manner of interesting people. How else will you make friends if you don't interact? Try it.

Ok

No one is going to invite you to sit with them at break it doesn't work like that

They will be more than happy however if you just sit with them. Join in the conversation when you feel comfortable

You can feel free to sit with any group you feel like from your course that you recognise.

It is completely normal to do that. You are all adults. No one will judge you or be unkind.

Just sit with people

Don't be scared.

They will be accepting, chatty and kind

The last bunch of people I made friends with, I literally walked over and said “Hi, mind if I gatecrash, it seems like you are all fun and friendly” then we chatted for the rest of the night. What’s the worst that can happen, they say no and you don’t speak, that’s the current situation anyway…

100% this.

This.

Would have been easier if you had done it at the start of term when no-one knew each other, but that is what it is now.

It sounds as though you might be excluding yourself, rather than being excluded by them
Definitely.

Follow @Mirrormeback 's advice.

Could you try and break the ice by talking about the course/lecture? Are there student societies that link to your course or other areas of interest? So say you're doing computer science, there will probably be a coding club. Are there any study groups you can join? Or groups through the student union? The student union can also direct you to the societies that may be of interest to you.

If I want to start a conversation, I normally ask for advice or any other question (even if I know the answer). You could ask if they know where the notes are on the learning platform, if they know when you get feedback for the next essay etc. Its a low stakes way of starting the conversation. Most people want to be helpful and if the chat doesn't go any further, you've asked a legitimate question and can just move on.

Are there any societies on campus? I joined a few when I was at uni and they were a good way to meet other people.

Look on the noticeboards for any events or activities and just try everything! A salsa dancing evening? Do it! Rock climbing club? Give it a whirl! Treasure hunt? Get started! 70s disco? Hit the dance floor! Pub quiz? Get stuck in! Quidditch match? Why not! Lots of the societies have mixers and icebreakers to get students mingling. You just have to jump in.

I am planning to go back to university and will be over twice the age of most students.

I imagine we will talk about the set texts, seminars, coursework etc.

Tastes in music, films, pastimes etc are likely to be rather different....

Surely there's a mature students union society? Ours used to receive funding from the main SU body for activities, it was fantastic fun.

There are other mature students on the course, but they all have children and seem to be at a later stage of life than me, despite being around the same age.

I was 27 when I went back to college and most of my good friends on the course were at least 10 years older than me with young families etc at home and in a totally different stage of life to me. We had the course in common though and that was enough to build good friendships on.