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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was this apology enough?

19 replies

Coffeecoughcough · 05/12/2023 21:33

DH usually very reliable.

He met friends for a drink after work this afternoon, said he'd be home for dinner.

I texted him about something innocuous about an hour before dinner, he saw but didn't reply. I could see he was still checking his phone but only replied to me after I'd made dinner and served it to the children, to tell me he was in a restaurant. He did say 'sorry', and I told him he should have texted me as soon as he knew he was staying iut for dinner.

He's just arrived home now and watching telly. I was in bed but his noise woke me up and so I went to get some medicine (sick today). I went into the living room to speak to him, trying to be grown up about it and clear air, but he ignored me.

Was that one sorry enough from him? Am at a bit of aoss at to how to react.

OP posts:
Original poster
Coffeecoughcough · 05/12/2023 21:35

To add, we eat with the children usually so he texted me to tell me he wasn't coming home for dinner after we normally have dinner.

OP posts:
HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 05/12/2023 21:36

I would expect a more genuine apology.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/12/2023 21:37

I went into the living room to speak to him, trying to be grown up about it and clear air, but he ignored me.

I was TeamDH until that. Yes, one sorry was enough. And you probably should have left it. But you not leaving it was fine. Him sulking is shitty.

Hermittrismegistus · 05/12/2023 21:38

Of course it was enough. Do you want him to grovel for simply having a good time with his friend and forgetting to text? I actually think it's a bit rude of you to have texted him when you knew he was with a friend.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/12/2023 21:41

If this isn't a regular occurrence of him blowing you off, I fail to see what the issue is. Why are you checking to see if he's using his phone so much and why text him nonsense when he's out with friends? Sorry, but from what you've said here, you sound like hard work.

Original poster
Coffeecoughcough · 05/12/2023 21:44

I am very hard work. He needs to go out quite a lot to get a break from me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Coffeecoughcough · 05/12/2023 21:45

@Hermittrismegistus , you're quite right, when you look at it like that. I'll try not to bother him so much in the future.

OP posts:
WhereIsBebèsChambre · 05/12/2023 21:48

Coffeecoughcough · 05/12/2023 21:44

I am very hard work. He needs to go out quite a lot to get a break from me.

Are you saying that in a martyrdom tone?
What time do you usually eat at and is 930 normally bed time?

Original poster
Coffeecoughcough · 05/12/2023 21:51

No I do mean it. I'm not a very nice person, that's why I don't have any friends or anything.

And I don't seem to live in the same country as you so it's a different time zone

OP posts:
CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 05/12/2023 21:53

If someone is cooking you dinner, it's rude to not tell them you've changed your plans and are actually going to a restaurant.

Lesina · 05/12/2023 21:54

It’s something in nothing. We all do stuff that irritates our partners. Basically closeness sometimes means collision. It’s no biggie. Relax and move on :)

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/12/2023 21:54

Coffeecoughcough · 05/12/2023 21:44

I am very hard work. He needs to go out quite a lot to get a break from me.

I get the sense we're talking about the tip of a very large iceberg. How much of that is you, how much him, how much both, informs everything else.

WhereIsBebèsChambre · 05/12/2023 21:56

Coffeecoughcough · 05/12/2023 21:51

No I do mean it. I'm not a very nice person, that's why I don't have any friends or anything.

And I don't seem to live in the same country as you so it's a different time zone

Mn is a UK based website, so unless a poster says its 3am and he's not come back from work, most will expect he's been away for 3-4 hrs and post in that mindset.

Original poster
Coffeecoughcough · 05/12/2023 22:01

Thanks. It's 11pm here. I went to bed at 9pm as unwell, he got back about 10pm. Nothing too drastic at all really.

OP posts:
Hermittrismegistus · 05/12/2023 22:04

I doubt you're a horrible person. You sound like you're not happy with your life/ relationship.

It might be better for you to post on the Relationships board about the real issues.

Original poster
Coffeecoughcough · 05/12/2023 22:12

That's kind of you, thanks. My life is fine, I just need to pull myself together! Have texted apology to DH as he still doesn't really want to speak to me, and I'm sure it'll all be better in the morning 😀

OP posts:
autienotnaughty · 05/12/2023 22:39

I don't think you did anything wrong. You prepared food for him he didn't let you know he wouldn't be home. Your looking after the kids and not well. Then he's funny with you?!!

UsingChangeofName · 05/12/2023 22:44

I also suspect this is the tip of the iceberg here.

Yes, of course it was rude / inconsiderate to not let you know he wasn't coming home for the meal, although, I suspect if you are eating with the dc, then the meal isn't likely to be overly late, so, on the premise that he was going for a drink after work, I would assume he wasn't going to be home in time to eat with the family anyway, so I would have just assumed it was going to be me and the dc. If you were happy with him going for the drink, I don't think going to eat makes a lot of difference.

However, it was never going to help, going in t the living room trying to be grown up about it and clear air. To me, that reads like "looking for an argument". He'd done it. He'd apologised. It didn't really make a difference to your evening. Why then go an stir it ?

Both of you could have behaved slightly differently, but none of it sounds like anything worth getting worked up over, which is why I also think there must be other stuff going on, or an ongoing pattern of behaviour.
Your later posts do make you sound a little strange.

AdultLounge · 05/12/2023 22:56

it. I'm not a very nice person, that's why I don't have any friends or anything.

Who tells you this?

I've got to say you come across a very nice person in this thread, unlike most of Mmet posters ;)

Why do you think this?

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