Office Lunchtime dilemma

[Pleasehelpmefindagoodusername]

Long time member but I've been a bit of a serial name changer lately as my original one about a certain video game doesn't seem appropriate now my dc are older teens. So as my username suggests any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Anyway I mostly work from home and only go in the office once a week sometimes less than that. My husband loves making lunches. He makes them for himself and the boys if they want them and me. Fine infact brilliant when I was in the office fulltime. But now I only go in once a week I want to treat myself. So I say to my dh I think I'll treat myself and buy myself something at work. But then he'll say its OK I'll save you the bother I'll make your lunch when I do mine. Or it's no trouble I don't mind making your lunch. He even puts in lovely notes that makes me smile. Or he'll say OK but then in the morning he'll say I made your lunch after all for you. If I was wanting to eat out every day I'd understand it but once a week as a treat. Why not?

We need more detail. What's in this lunch? 😁

just say 'Oh that's nice of you but I did tell you I was going out for lunch today. Either you can have it or I'll look forward to eating it tomorrow.' Then leave the lunch at home. Otherwise you're confusing him, if you take the food he thinks you do want it so will keep making it.

Although to be fair if the lunches he makes are nice and you're just buying a standard pret type thing out I can understand why a) he doesn't get that to you it's a treat, and b) if you are trying to save money it is a bit of a waste if he can make you something just as nice. If it's more the company (that you go out for lunch with colleagues) that's the treat then tell him that.

How about you take and eat the lunch and then go to a cafe for a coffee and little pastry or something as the treat instead of a full lunch. There is really nothing particularly delicious about the lunch offerings in the city but it’s nice to have a coffee and something tasty!

This would really piss me off to be honest.
I get that you’re trying to save money but that doesn’t mean you have to forgo everything that brings you small amounts of happiness.
I wfh 4 days a week and am in the office just 1. I enjoy that 1 day as I get to eat lunch out and often with colleagues too. I wouldn’t be forgoing that to sit in the staffroom on my own eating out of my sad Tupperware.
Leave the lunch behind and tell him thanks but no thanks.

If he still made it when I'd expressly told him I had other plans for lunch I'd just leave it in the fridge for the next day.

Can you pleeeease tell us what lunch he makes you!

YABU for not finishing the conversation with:

"No honestly, I want to buy something tomorrow."

If he proceeded to make me lunch after I'd said that I'd get irritated with him, and refuse to eat it that day (I'd eat it the next).

Is his love language acts of service? If he likes doing it for you because it's his way of showing he loves you, he will feel rejected if you refuse. What about suggesting just a mid-morning snack - so he still gets to make a little "sumthing sumthing" with love for you, but explain that you feel you are missing out on the social side of going into the office if you don't go out to lunch with your colleagues on the one day that you see them so you really don't want the full packed lunch - not because the food out is better, but because the social side of going in is important for those work relationships.

Give it to someone at work.
I'd love to have someone make me dinner 🤣

LTB

No. She doesn't WANT it. Why should she eat two things??

I have a small appetite so I can't do both, and I wouldn't want to. His love language needs to be the same language as hers

I would eat it for lunch then go out for a post lunch coffee, saves money, still get to go out. Having said that I’m in office most days and would love to not always have to buy lunch out!

Tell him you have a lunchtime meeting and they are providing sandwiches?

I really don't get why you think this is a dilemma @Pleasehelpmefindagoodusername! He's doing something that you don't want him to do - no matter how 'nice' it might be, or how much it's framed as saving you money.

You don't want him to do that - and by him so doing it, it's preventing you from having a treat. (Which I presume you're spending your own, hard-earned money on?)

It's quite controlling behaviour on his part. But wet lettuce behaviour on yours!

Just tell him, very clearly, that when you next go into the office you do not want him to make you lunch.

And if he still does it, then just leave it behind. But when you get home, point out that it's now a waste of money, and that you had told him not to make your lunch.

I'm team second lunch. Embrace your inner hobbit.

Or give the sandwich to a homeless person