I am completely exhausted by my situation and I'm really hoping someone reads this and can relate somehow to how awful and angry I feel (hopefully you don't feel this way anymore though)
My fiance and I have been together 3 years and we love the bones of each other - we are supportive, caring and understanding which has been life changing for the both of us. Our beautiful baby came along almost a year ago now and she is truly the most amazing little human ever! She has transformed our lives all for the better and yes, it's been hard and sleepless and exhausting but I wouldn't change any of it for the world. It should be perfect but his parents are almost tearing us apart.
Before I got pregnant his parents were lovely, we would go out for meals, to theirs for food, go to events and enjoy each others company effortlessly. When I announced I was pregnant they were happy, bought us gifts and the contact continued, meals, events, it was really nice and we felt supported.
My due date was 16th Dec but I was late giving birth by 11 days. The pressure to go to theirs for Christmas was horrific - everything we spoke it was mentioned, come to ours, with the baby if I'd given birth, if not come anyway. I started going into labour 24th Dec, waters didn't go but lost some 25th and I was in hospital by the 26th, delivered a healthy baby 27th. All this time I was pressured to go to theirs. And on 28th the pressure continued, come to ours, we want to meet the baby. I kindly said no because I was tired and sore and it was cold and icy, but they continued for 2 days until I caved stupidly, and we went. My baby was sleeping and despite their best attempts to wake her up the whole time she slept through the visit (best attempts shouting, clapping and even making the dog bark) they were so disappointed they told us as much, and I do understand they were excited but she was so new she was none the wiser and I wasnt going to wake her! I told my fiance how I felt and he said he would get them to come to us next time.
They came, it was awful. His mum was so controlling it was so bad to watch. You need to change her. You need to feed her. You need to get her down for a nap. She didn't want to do any of it herself she just barked her orders. And when I couldn't get her down for a nap she snatched her out of her cot over me and walked away, my baby was screaming like crazy so I followed her, said let me take her back she needs her mum, to which I got she needs her grandmother, I walked away for no more than a few minutes, and she came back and gave her to me. Luckily a breastfeed and a cuddle from mum got her napping in no time.
We visited them, and I left terrified for my child. To the point I cannot even bare to think to leave her with his mother for the foreseeable. Their dog took a dislike to our child. So much so it barks, growls, shows its teeth and stalks me as I walk around. I tried to make everyone else see but my fiance said he didn't see it and his mother just said she is old and grumpy. I refused to pass my baby to anyone and cut the visit short because of the dog. We had to go there a second time and I asked my fiance to put the dog away, which he did, but his mother was furious, the dog is apparently part of the family and needs to stay in the room with us all. It's unfair on her because it's her home not my child's and the dog apparently wouldn't bite a child anyway...yeah. the visit was short, my fiance and I talked and he was so upset that I was upset he went round and told them unless the dog is put away out of site before and during our visits we won't come anymore. And that request made them go no contact with their first grand child for 12 weeks. The didn't see our child from 3 months until 6 months old. And when they did see her they popped round for a "flying visit" to drop an Easter present off and left within 8 minutes. And a further 11 weeks went by with absolutely no contact with our child - they spoke to my fiance but never once asked how our child was, no plans for visits.
Now they want regular visits, every 2 weeks or so, which I have reluctantly agreed to. But literally week 1 done where we went out, it was back to theirs again for every visit which simply doesn't work for us anymore. I have genuine fears the dog will escape.
It's not just the visits either, it's the things that are said. I work full time and take care of my child too. Its a massive challenge but I've found a way to balance for now. I am also studying to try and go self employed to still support my family but choose my hours. Not once have I had any offers from any family, mine included, to come here or have my child to help in the week. All I've had was from his mother who categorically stated I HAVE to take our child to her, leave her there alone for a few hours but only at the weekend and go for a walk with my fiance, or go to the cinema, but she needs alone time with our child to bond. The same woman who did nothing about her aggressive dog and didn't even ask how our child was for 23 weeks of her life. The same woman who said she shouldn't still be having a breastfeed last thing at night. The same woman who made comments about her eating solids at 6 months, she should be on normal meals by that age not just experimenting. The same woman who made a comment about her own daughters physical appearance at a dinner - she asked if her own daughter had botox because her lips looked bigger and disgusting and she should be natural not ugly. She always finds a way every visit to say I HAVE to leave our child with her, she needs alone time, she will even try and run, well not actually run but a very speedy walk, off with the pushchair or with our child in her arms to get away from us to be alone. And honestly, I wouldn't mind if I felt she wouldn't put my child in harms way or could be trusted but I haven't actually seen it yet.
The anxiety I feel about visits now is like nothing I've ever felt. I'm constantly thinking what's next. I've tried so hard to be polite and kind but I feel like I'm losing this battle and that I'm the only one who actually wants a functional relationship with them. I feel like I'm being pushed out so she can try and play mum to our child. It feels so wrong and unnatural! She also says everytime my child says mama, did you say nana!
I know she had a tough time with her inlaws which is why I've tried my best to be as kind as possible but I'm at breaking point. There's so much more to this but these are the main bits right now.
So AIBU to go full no contact with them? What would you do in my shoes? Be honest but be kind, I get alot of sh*t from this woman at the minute!
Thanks for reading