To be concerned by neighbour's behaviour

[marmalade83]

New guy moved in a few months ago. Seemed very nice and charming at first. Slowly things didn't add up. He always looked incredibly impatient with the children when they tried to speak to him. He lied. Repeatedly. He'd tell you one thing then contradict it. Still it was over little things so because he seemed nice I let it go. He asked for endless favours which we willingly obliged. We like to help people.

About a month ago he got a new sound system that he ramped up to maximum level. You could hear every joke, line and laugh track of TV shows, every swelling roar of music an word from films, every note of the radio, every advert on the radio. You heard the lot.

I was a bit confused because he'd previously told us he'd had loud neighbours in the past. He also said he got into "noise wars" with them so I avoided turning our stuff up. I don't operate that way anyway and I honestly don't think anything we have could get anywhere near that loud.

I thought maybe he thinks we're loud. I won't say anything. But we always try to be quiet, I hover over our remote turning music etc down on films. I'm stupidly considerate. I know I'm not perfect. Who is.

He previously told us he can't hear us. The last neighbour said she couldn't hear us. The house the other side says they can't hear us. People remark they're so surprised they can't hear our kids. They're very good but sometimes they're obviously kids. For the last month I've been stressing myself out keeping them quiet just in case so I know we've been so quiet.

Anyway... so the other night the music started coming on very loud at 11pm so we had to say something. He blamed it on his Alexa playing in every room. The lie didn't add up because it was too loud anyway but I let it go.

Then the next night he had the TV on insanely loud at midnight. He blamed it on Alexa again and said he'd been asleep. It didn't add up (it accidentally switched on AND turned up to max??) but we allowed it and mentioned that in general the music and TV were always too loud like we hear every note and word loud.

Then he went nuts and said we were too loud for him. We said we try our best and some living noise is expected. It felt like a spite accusation because his lies didn't work and we have been going out of our way to be silent to the point it's stressful.

Yesterday his TV and music went quiet thankfully. You're aware it's there but thats part of living. I never complain about hsi living noise or guests or endless DIY. Just the very unreasonable loud music and TV which carried over everything we did like at cinema level. Especially late at night.

Last night around 11.30pm he started stomping around the house and slamming things. This went on for half an hour. Then at 12.20 it started again and went on until 1am It wasn't normal thoughtless loud. It was going out of your way spite and throwing stuff and punching walls kind of thing.

The kids were so upset. We all were.

I don't know what to do. I feel like he wants a "noise war". Like it's his thing. I don't want that. I want to be left alone.

I don't know what to do. I'm hoping it's a one off but I will keep a diary in case and I guess if it continues report it.

I can't decide if I should say something or not. I'm indimated by the violent midnight banging and slamming for 90 minutes last night and feel like he actually wants us to say something. I am also unsure if he drinks too much for a few reasons.

Would you mention it or just keep noting it if it continues and report?

Sorry. I'm just so confused by it all.

He sounds nuts. Do you have a partner?

Id contact the council to get some advice.

Does he own or rent? if the latter can you contact landlord - definitely contact council for advice. He sounds unhinged.

You have tried being neighbourly about the issues with no results. I would just report the problem to your local environmental health department. That way there will be a record of the issue, along with your noise diary, should it end up needing enforcement action. It sounds like he has mental health issues from my perspective, but that doesn't excuse his behaviour. If he rents you could also try speaking to his landlord.

What’s the set up? Flats? Maisonettes? Terraced? Semi? Realistically how loud do you think your family actually is? What’s his set up to be up in the middle of the night slamming doors? Does he work? Are the kids with him FT?

Ge sounds mentally unwell from the bit of information you’ve offered up. I would be going down the environmental/noise/ council route before I would be talking to him again. Out of interest what favours did he ask you for and have you stopped and could that have triggered his anger?

I have a partner and the neighbour owns as do we. I'm always very reluctant to go to the council because of the effect it has on future sales... but in this instance I think I'll have to. I'm actually scared and concerned as are our children.

Thank you.

I’d ask your partner to have a “matey” word (if male) as a first step then take it from there depending how the neighbour responds.

My partner is intimidated by him too! The way this neighbour is behaving, I think it's what he wants. I think he's spoiling for a row and a noise war. He's already spoken to him and the music and TV and it did not go well. My kids respond to criticism more reasonably.

The fact it happens late at night would suggest to me he has a substance abuse issue of some kind, so going round and sayin something almost certainly wouldn't help. Definitely stop trying to be quiet though.

I had a couple of guys in a flat below mine about 20 years ago that were like that and the music would come on full blast at like midnight on a Tuesday and go off after lunch the next day - presumably when they came-too. Rinse and repeat the next day. Fortunately for me it only last a few months until they were evicted

Personally I’d ignore it, smile, act happy say nothing. See if he gets sick of it and tires himself out. If not then report.

if you think he is an alcoholic, then it could be he is drunk and doesn’t understand.

I don’t get the stuff about the lies though, he’s not your kid. Sounds like he’s just trying to excuse it.

I am so sorry you are going through this OP. It’s a living hell, this happened to us when my DS was little and it was just horrific. Your home is your sanctuary where you go to get away from life stress, not to it, I really feel your pain. Having a word did nothing but fuel our neighbours fire, they upped the noise, and were banging at all hours, we had rotten food thrown at the windows, dog poo and cigarette butts thrown over into the garden. We involved the council and the police (it really was a last resort as I was concerned about not being able to sell) the council put recording equipment in the house and that did seem to stop the noise, so I’d definitely advise you to contact your local council, they were really helpful. The police had a word a few times regarding the rotten food and dog poo, but the guy used to go out drinking and fighting most weekends so the law didn’t really bother him.

We did end up putting the house up for sale (as did their neighbour the otherside funnily enough) we explained to our buyers exactly what had happened and they still bought our house. I know it’s extreme to sell up, and you certainly shouldn’t have to, but we still managed to sell at the price we wanted with all of that background.

Get onto the council, I hope they sort it for you asap x

We're terraced houses and he's the end one. Our family is not that loud. There may be excitable moments but we always try to be considerate and tell the children to be quiet etc. They're at school and clubs much of the day. We never play the TV or music too loud. I used to house share when I was younger so I've always been a bit obsessive about turning the volume down. When I watch TV, I have the remote constantly turning it down at loud bits and up for talking (just enough so we can hear it). We never have the TV on late, choosing to use a low sound tablet instead.

I can't hear our TV upstairs at all, I can hear every word of his TV upstairs. It's a very cinematic bassy LOUD set up.

We just make normal living noise.

Often the noise happens when the kids are in bed or at school so it's not like it's done to drown them out. He's just selfish.

He works for himself setting his own hours. He doesn't have any kids. We do. He told me he doesn't like kids but he tries to be nice to ours but doesn't seem very impressed by them.

The smashing around was very elaborate. It was louder than drunkeness. It was purposeful. Doors were slammed and opened and slammed again repeatedly. Things were banged. It was violent. The kids are scared. So am I. The drunkeness may have made him bold enough to do it but it wasn't drunken clumsiness if that makes sense. It was like a tantrum.

We haven't stopped the favours and they're just normal neighbour things... watering bins, helping carry heavy stuff in, taking parcels, waiting for furniture deliveries for him. We always say ask anytime.