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AIBU?

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Original poster

Secret Santa gate

36 replies

JBright · 05/12/2023 09:55

Okay first world problem here, so we have a secret Santa set up at work. Limit is £5 and as I don’t know the person I’ve been selected for very well, I bought them some lovely biscuits (who doesn’t like nice biscuits?) which cost £7, being generous lol. So AFTER I bought the biscuits, I get an email saying they have added a “wish list”. Who on earth makes a wish list for secret Santa?! I click and they have added a specific link to a specific candle they want on Etsy. £6.00. So, I’m not buying it for them, I already paid for the biscuits. Really though its the principle, it feels so presumptuous of them. Plus doesn’t a wish list suck out all the (albeit minimal) joy of secret Santa. Am I being unreasonable? This is someone who never answers my emails by the way!

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 05/12/2023 10:00

The specific person has added a wish list or has the office done it (Susan would like a mug; Harold a certain chocolate; Mary a candle...)?
Yes it does suck the joy out of it. The challenge to buy something that won't instantly be thrown in the bin for £5, that might actually be appreciated is half the fun (or agony).
If it's just the individual very cheeky for sure.

Jackfrostnippingatmynose · 05/12/2023 10:00

YANBU especially as she had the cheek to send a round robin email to all in the secret santa but never answers your emails. She can suck it up buttercup!

ComtesseDeSpair · 05/12/2023 10:01

I think it makes a lot of sense: if you’re buying for somebody you don’t know and don’t want to completely waste your money on unwanted tat, a suggestion list is helpful. You’ve bought a gift already, so all good. Biscuits are fine.

BaronessBomburst · 05/12/2023 10:04

The wish list is a great idea as lots of people will be stuck and not know what to get.
Eat the biscuits yourself.
Buy the candle.
Then they get something that they really want, but from an unknown giver, which is the fun and joy behind a proper Secret Santa.

PippyLongTits · 05/12/2023 10:06

Give the biscuits. The candle is only a suggestion.

SnaccidentsHappen · 05/12/2023 10:20

We do a family secret Santa and have the option to add a wish list - I always do but have around 4/5 things on it at or close to the budget set so - a) I should get something I want & b) the person who picked me doesn't have to guess.

The annoying thing is not everyone adds a gift list and some people struggle just to access the link to pick a name lol.

I like the gift list but it only works if people add to it and use it for ideas.

SnaccidentsHappen · 05/12/2023 10:21

Also to add, there shouldn't be anything over budget on the gift list. That should be your choice to spend more

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 05/12/2023 10:24

They’ve put one specific item without having been invited to post a wish list, and that item is over budget? That is cheeky (even though you chose to go over budget anyway).

They might as well not bother with SS and just go shopping if they’re going to do that.

Whinge · 05/12/2023 10:26

Who on earth makes a wish list for secret Santa?

A wish list seems like a sensible idea, especially if you work with lots of people and don't know their likes / dislikes.

I would buy a candle (it doesn't have to be the one linked in the wishlist) and eat / donate the biscuits.

sweetpickle23 · 05/12/2023 10:28

My family and I do secret santa and we always do wish lists, as now there are brothers and sisters in-law etc who don't necessarily know everyone that well. The function is built into the name drawing website we use.

It's just a guide to help someone out incase they don't know what to get you, it's actually quite thoughtful.

But it's not a demand it's just a suggestion! The biscuits are fine.

Dee1224 · 05/12/2023 10:36

We’ve got one at work and this year the organiser has used a site which actually suggests a wish list and links to items. It’s quite impressive but it is causing a bit of confusion as to whether or not it’s ‘rude’ to put something on the wish list.

I haven’t, because most others have ignored it. However, I just know that whatever I get will be absolutely dreadful and of no use to me, so it is a good idea imo, but only if everyone does it.

PosteriorPosterity · 05/12/2023 10:54

The system we use practically forces you to add a wish list, and so if she has mindlessly followed the emails sent to her then I can see why she’s added a wish list.

I wouldn’t worry about it though, I see it more or “if you have no idea then get this” rather than an instruction to buy that specific candle.

Differentstarts · 05/12/2023 10:54

I'd gift the biscuits to someone else and buy the candle but your not wrong for not doing that

Jasmin1971 · 05/12/2023 10:55

A wish list is not what I would describe as secret. Giver the biscuits 🤣

RaininSummer · 05/12/2023 10:56

I expect the candle is six pounds plus postage costs anyway so likely to be nearer ten pounds. Give them biscuits .

ManateeFair · 05/12/2023 11:08

In my old office, which was the last place I worked that did Secret Santa, the office manager set up a spreadsheet where people could put suggestions of the kinds of stuff they liked, but it was just for inspiration rather than an actual wishlist of specific items. So it would say 'Christine - loves cats, drinks red wine' or 'Phil - crime fiction, cheese, socks' or 'James - resusable coffee cup, notebook'

Tbry · 05/12/2023 11:09

Don’t worry it’s a secret Santa gift supppsed to be a bit of fun. Also it’s secret so they don’t know who bought the biscuits.

Renamed · 05/12/2023 11:57

I like it if people make suggestions if EVERYONE does and not at the last minute. And it does tend to put people off buying “hilarious” items like ball scratchers which make the whole thing a bit grim.

caringcarer · 05/12/2023 11:58

Hadjab · 05/12/2023 10:44

We've been doing Secret Santa for years at work, and have always had a Wishlist. The spend was a fiver. I put an ostrich pillow on my list for a laugh - my psycho boss claims she managed to get it within budget...

https://ostrichpillow.co.uk/products/original-napping-pillow?variant=35879580106916&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIpvjH-I34ggMVyeTtCh0VQA3IEAQYASABEgIF0PD_BwE

That looks so claustrophobic.

Brird · 05/12/2023 21:30

I've been asked by whoever is giving me a secret Santa gift to put something on a wish list. It's one of those website based secret Santa things.

I thought I would be able to give a generic suggestion like 'candle' but it links through to actual Etsy etc gifts. It takes away the whole point of it. I want a surprise! If I wanted a £5 specific candle I'd just go ahead and buy it. Now I feel like I'm making work for them by not going through and finding my own gift.

Didimum · 05/12/2023 21:34

I think you are being unreasonable. Gifting random things the recipient doesn’t actually want for the sheer sake of gifting is so wasteful. So many things end up in the bin or in a charity shop. It’s pointless.

Disclaimer: I don’t actually care that much.

Nonplusultra · 05/12/2023 21:37

Does the £6 include the postage?
I’d stick with the biscuits

strawberry2017 · 05/12/2023 21:41

Wish lists are great.
I don't drink and I cba with candles which are go to gifts when people don't know you well.
Neither of which I would want to receive.
Wish lists help people when they aren't close to the people who they have to buy for.

ActDottie · 05/12/2023 21:47

The candle is over budget and with postage even more! It was cheeky she even added it to her list.

Id ignore the wish list. We do secret Santa in our family and use the wish list function but only because it’s our main present and budget of £50. But it seems very OTT for a £5 secret Santa.