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Original poster

How to explain the "mythical creatures" mismatch?

26 replies

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 05/12/2023 07:02

My DD at 6 is getting pretty observant, understands money and what it can get more, and starting to compare her own life to her friends'.

We have the tooth fairy in our house (although for quite a long while the idea freaked her out and she kept her fallen out teeth in a jar so the fairy couldn't get them 😂). Fairy usually leaves £2 per tooth, which seems pretty reasonable inflation from the £1 she used to leave me as a child.

Friend at school's fairy apparently leave £5 😳 and DD (not in a whingey way but still) is obviously a bit perplexed by this. I am foreseeing a similar event post Christmas when they talk about what Father Christmas brought - now she has a rough idea what things cost, she may see a disparity.

Now when this happens with stuff WE buy her, as parents, Vs her friends, I'm happy to say different families have different incomes, different expenses and different priorities, and it's fine to be different as long as you have enough to be happy.

But it's a bit harder with something as bald as the tooth fairy leaving £2 under her pillow, then £5 under her friend's - I mean how to explain that? Different fairies? Better quality teeth??

Easiest thing is just to tell her the truth I supposed but I was hoping for her to have a couple more years of at least 'sort of' believing in magic... And I don't want her to be 'that kid' who blurts out that it's not real in class and traumatises a generation, esp as she's in a mixed class with year 1s who are of course little.

Any top tips for fudging this one?

OP posts:
pickledandpuzzled · 05/12/2023 07:05

“Gosh, what a wonderful question. What do you think?”

I found mine could usually come up with an explanation that worked for them and met their need to believe, at whatever stage.

We had the same. And some truly lovely explanations, over the years.

WonderingWanda · 05/12/2023 07:07

Just say something vague like maybe the tooth fairy had run out of money so your friends parents helped her out and lent her some which is why it was so much.

As for santa we always went with santa helping us out with our presents too....so they all appeared in the morning but dc know most are from us with just a a few from santa.

Wendyspotatopeeler · 05/12/2023 07:13

Father Christmas sends parents the bill in January. This was always my go to when asked for expensive things.

NoAdultingToday · 05/12/2023 07:18

We've always said to DC that we need to give father Christmas the money to get the presents. As they've gotten older it's been explained as, 'if you want Lego the elves can't make it, because Lego make it. If you want the new David Williams book they need to buy that too, as he has wrote it . The elves can make teddies and wooden toys and handmade things etc. but as kids want computers etc they all need to be bought'.

Our tooth fairy brings £1 per tooth, this was standard amongst their friends. Maybe say she must not have had change to leave £5? 😂

Theblackdogagain · 05/12/2023 07:18

In our house Father Christmas only left the stocking and the plastic crap toy I wouldn't get them. The other gifts came from us/family etc. If FC only gets the stocking there is less comparison.
The tooth fairy only gives a pound! A fiver is too much so mum must be giving some as well as losing teeth is an event?

Justfinking · 05/12/2023 07:18

pickledandpuzzled · 05/12/2023 07:05

“Gosh, what a wonderful question. What do you think?”

I found mine could usually come up with an explanation that worked for them and met their need to believe, at whatever stage.

We had the same. And some truly lovely explanations, over the years.

Wow, such great advice! I'm going to use this, thank you!

pickledandpuzzled · 05/12/2023 07:24

@Justfinking it works for punishments too! Sometimes natural consequences are enough, other times you need a sanction of some kind.

Ask the DC what would be fair. They often massively over punish so you can kindly reduce the punishment to something sensible and look like the good guy!

Oh no, you ate Freddy’s cake?! How can we make him it up to him? Give him all your pocket money and do all his chores this week? That might work. Or what about we make some cupcakes and you give him your share?

SqueakingSnapfish · 05/12/2023 07:25

We have always said that Father Christmas is like a magical postman.
All presents are from who they are from, and means they get presents from loved ones who they won't see on the day.
It worked for is as kids and worked for mine when they were younger. My mum and dad had very limited money and this helped us experience the magic. My own children were the ones that had more expensive presents but we kept it this way because I knew what it was like to be a child who receives less.
The tooth fairy seemed to bring £1 as standard so we didn't have an issue there.

LegoDeathTrap · 05/12/2023 07:27

I’d say stop lying to your children, but that’s an unpopular view on MN.

justlikebuses · 05/12/2023 07:36

Wendyspotatopeeler · 05/12/2023 07:13

Father Christmas sends parents the bill in January. This was always my go to when asked for expensive things.

That is exactly what I say. That's why we can have a look round the toy shops and see the prices.

Hollyhead · 05/12/2023 07:38

I told mine that I filled in a form when they were born saying how much I thought was a reasonable amount for the tooth fairy/Santa etc to bring for our family and I also ticked a box opting out of elf on the shelf as they sounded too naughty.

StaySpicy · 05/12/2023 07:43

The parents have to tell the tooth fairy in advance how much she gives for each tooth. You could also say you had to give the money in advance and that's all you had at the time.

Pipistrellus · 05/12/2023 07:43

Tell her the child's parent may have swapped it

Pipistrellus · 05/12/2023 07:45

Parents that constantly raise the bar with everything are inconsiderate arseholes.

TheaBrandt · 05/12/2023 07:46

Smart kid. Seems wrong somehow to embellish this with further elaborate bizarre lies. Think I would just avoid answering.

NuffSaidSam · 05/12/2023 07:52

Hollyhead · 05/12/2023 07:38

I told mine that I filled in a form when they were born saying how much I thought was a reasonable amount for the tooth fairy/Santa etc to bring for our family and I also ticked a box opting out of elf on the shelf as they sounded too naughty.

Love this 😂

Choice4567 · 05/12/2023 07:56

@Hollyhead thats brilliant! Excellent work!

@herewegoroundthebastardbush Im liking the better quality teeth idea!!

Delpf · 05/12/2023 08:05

Fairies don't understand human money. A fairy might consider a shiny pound coin to be worth more than a paper or plastic note. I've heard of children getting seashells or a bit of ribbon in exchange for a tooth. It's all about what the fairy has and what they think is a fair exchange - that might be quite different to what we think of as a good trade!

JammyDodgersandPeas · 05/12/2023 08:09

We had this when a little school friend got £10 for a first tooth. I told DS that tooth fairies must be like milkmen and have different rounds, so they only look after a small set of streets. I don't often lie to them but he was so upset about what he'd done wrong to only get £2!

Shodan · 05/12/2023 08:13

Delpf · 05/12/2023 08:05

Fairies don't understand human money. A fairy might consider a shiny pound coin to be worth more than a paper or plastic note. I've heard of children getting seashells or a bit of ribbon in exchange for a tooth. It's all about what the fairy has and what they think is a fair exchange - that might be quite different to what we think of as a good trade!

I think this is charming and utterly brilliant!

gannett · 05/12/2023 08:18

A friend's 7yo daughter came home from school with a sob story about her schoolfriend getting a tenner from the tooth fairy. It turned out they'd all worked out together the tooth fairy wasn't real, but they were running a scam on their parents to get more money (the schoolfriend apparently went home with the same story of inflation). I was impressed.

Original poster
herewegoroundthebastardbush · 05/12/2023 08:22

LegoDeathTrap · 05/12/2023 07:27

I’d say stop lying to your children, but that’s an unpopular view on MN.

I sort of in theory agree with you but in practice I don't want her to be too out of step with her peers - it's great to be independent etc but it's no fun being ostracised. So I try and balance it a bit. There's the important stuff like where babies come from, my views on religion etc that I will never lie to her about; but the little fun stories like Father Christmas and the tooth fairy just seem like part of childhood to me. Obviously this is highly illogical and I acknowledge that!

I think in some ways they sort of need to believe in some things that aren't strictly true while they're little. And they're little longer than we think. I remember when she was about 5, she said something to me like "mummy can real mermaids talk?" and I was distracted and just said "well there aren't any real mermaids", thinking she surely understood that already really - only to turn round and see her fighting back tears and saying "mummy I think there actually are real mermaids actually!" and I had to backtrack a little and say that no-one had ever SEEN a real one, but there is stuff in the deep sea that no-one has ever seen, weirder stuff than we can imagine (which led to a good discussion and watching The Blue Planet, so I'm calling it a win 😆). I just didn't have the heart to crush her!

OP posts:
Original poster
herewegoroundthebastardbush · 05/12/2023 08:23

gannett · 05/12/2023 08:18

A friend's 7yo daughter came home from school with a sob story about her schoolfriend getting a tenner from the tooth fairy. It turned out they'd all worked out together the tooth fairy wasn't real, but they were running a scam on their parents to get more money (the schoolfriend apparently went home with the same story of inflation). I was impressed.

😂😂😂😂 genius

OP posts:
Original poster
herewegoroundthebastardbush · 05/12/2023 08:25

I think the best thing was when we were trying to get to the bottom of why she was scared to leave her tooth for the tooth fairy initially, it emerged that she thought the tooth fairy was like a literal tooth but with wings 😂 kids are brilliant.

OP posts:
ironixallyenough · 05/12/2023 08:27

Maybe there's a regional network of fairies and some (according to zones) are more generous than others? Yeah...I'm over complicating it. 🤣

I like PP's suggestion of returning the question, 'gosh, what do you think?' And then seeing if you can work out an answer together and that way, you don't have to tell big whoppers (about networks and regions)