Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to feel left out

28 replies

Itajustagig · 05/12/2023 02:18

Months ago I asked my bf if we could go and see a particular band. He said no as he was seeing a different band the day after. I was disapppointed but didn't want to go alone, so I left it. The day of the gig came round last week and he told me he was going as a free ticket came his way. I was a bit shocked as I had wanted to go and asked specifically. I had my DD but I could have arranged for her to go to my parents but he said no. No more tickets left. Suddenly, his mate is also going, the mate having got a guest list. This happens with every band I want to see. I haven't any friends to go with. I love live music and haven't been able to go to anything for 18 months. Apparently no guest list ticket could be found for me. I couldn't have either of their tickets.

AIBU for being dreadfully hurt that he decided to go when he told me he wasn't interested.

And a second one, AIBU for thinking this was planned weeks ago and he just didn't want to go with me.

I feel so down and a little unwanted.

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 05/12/2023 02:23

Next time order the ticket and go yourself

flowerchild2000 · 05/12/2023 02:27

My ex was like this. Emphasis on EX!

Original poster
Itajustagig · 05/12/2023 02:32

@WandaWonder Why should I have to go alone. My ex used to make it that I was forced to go alone.

OP posts:
OrderOfTheKookaburra · 05/12/2023 02:42

He's not a very nice boyfriend, is he? Sack him off op, what's the point of him?

Sparklfairy · 05/12/2023 02:42

Itajustagig · 05/12/2023 02:32

@WandaWonder Why should I have to go alone. My ex used to make it that I was forced to go alone.

So are you saying that if you buy tickets he won't go with you, but if he gets tickets he won't invite you?

Original poster
Itajustagig · 05/12/2023 02:49

@Sparklfairy Yes

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 05/12/2023 02:51

Itajustagig · 05/12/2023 02:49

@Sparklfairy Yes

Well you're going to have to accept he doesn't want to spend time with you. You deserve to be with someone who jumps at the chance to go to gigs with you, but its not him.

I also suspect he takes a perverse pleasure knowing that this behaviour hurts you. It's twisted.

Heybearu · 05/12/2023 02:59

Call it a day.
Take at least a year for just yourself:, your self esteem and your friendships.
He sounds horrible and you've mentioned your ex did this too? Time to love yourself!

WandaWonder · 05/12/2023 03:06

Sparklfairy · 05/12/2023 02:42

So are you saying that if you buy tickets he won't go with you, but if he gets tickets he won't invite you?

Edited
Show quote history

No idea, going to an event with people is more fun but if I want to go I go I don't need permission I just organize it myself and go

ohfook · 05/12/2023 04:41

Itajustagig · 05/12/2023 02:32

@WandaWonder Why should I have to go alone. My ex used to make it that I was forced to go alone.

I love going to gigs but now have realised that unless I go on my own I never go. It's hard to pin everyone down and tickets are expensive so bands I'm happy to shell out on aren't necessarily the same bands my friends are willing to pay lots to see and vice versa.

I also realised that my dh loves football and has no qualms at all about going to a match on his own, so I decided to channel that same energy and to be honest I feel like I've got a bit of myself back again. It's the best decision I've made in a while.

AtlasPine · 05/12/2023 04:48

If you don’t want to go to gigs alone, actively find a gig friend through social media/ local community pages and buy yourself a ticket every time you want to see a band. Don’t depend on a life partner for everything.

In the meantime - this man doesn’t sound to like your company very much or he wouldn’t manipulate a situation where he gets to go to see the band without you. I wouldn’t waste too much time on him.

autienotnaughty · 05/12/2023 05:01

Are you reliant on you bf for your social life? Would a friend do these things with you?

He doesn't sound like he prioritises you. He declined going to a gig with you but then is willing to go with a friend on the same day.

Unless he's perfect in every other aspect and/or this was a random occurrence I'd probably end things.

hattie43 · 05/12/2023 05:15

Get some friends . Increase your options

Shoxfordian · 05/12/2023 05:18

He's not the one, dump him

Derb · 05/12/2023 05:52

I'm not sure what he's done is that bad. Some gigs I would like to go to but sometimes say no as the tickets are overpriced. But if I got a free ticket with a friend I would definitely go. Maybe that was it?

Snowdogsmitten · 05/12/2023 05:55

He is vile.

GoingToBeLessRubbishAtLife · 05/12/2023 06:35

A partner/boyfriends is supposed to have the ‘friend’ element present. Without that they’re just a fuck buddy.

Today, lying here with a headache and backache with too much work to do, I’d get irritated at that and bin him.

You may have woken up in a more generous mood than I have.

determinedtomakethiswork · 05/12/2023 07:06

That's horrible of him.

He is not a good boyfriend to have. He's not your friend. You deserve so much better than this.

ChiIIieP · 05/12/2023 07:22

Time to leave him. And work on getting some friends.

tachycardigan · 05/12/2023 07:27

Let me guess…your bf stays over at yours, eats your food, uses your water and electricity but pays no rent or bills?

OP, he doesn’t care about enough take you to a concert once in 18 months and prefers to go with his friends.

Dump him and find someone who cares about you.

NotEvenThought · 05/12/2023 07:35

Derb · 05/12/2023 05:52

I'm not sure what he's done is that bad. Some gigs I would like to go to but sometimes say no as the tickets are overpriced. But if I got a free ticket with a friend I would definitely go. Maybe that was it?

This is how I was reading it too. There are plenty of things I'd tag along to last minute if there was a free ticket but that I wouldn't want to commit to or pay for in advance 🤷🏻‍♀️

Is there a reason you don't have friends to go with? Is it that your friends are not into music?

Does your BF live with you?

ChiIIieP · 05/12/2023 07:51

@NotEvenThought @Derb everyone is different in these situations. But in a situation where if my DH had been saying he wanted to go to a concert but I said no as I didn't fancy it, why would I then fancy it because I was offered a free ticket? You either fancy it or you don't.

Even so, to then go to a concert that I knew my DH wanted to go to and I'd said no to them, nah that's not a nice way to be.

LordEmsworth · 05/12/2023 07:58

Bin him off.

Stop letting shit men dictate to you.

Start enjoying your life.

Get a babysitter & go alone. It's a bit of an arse if you need the loo, but so bloody good to only have yourself to worry about...

Scarydinosaurs · 05/12/2023 08:05

Do you not have friends to socialise with?

It sounds like you rely on your BF to be your partner AND social life, and you need a mix of both imo.

Firefly2009 · 05/12/2023 10:00

Meetup.com for new friends and activities.

Dump him ASAP

Start enjoying your spare time. Life is short.

Swipe left for the next trending thread