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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should Husband work nearer to home around due date?

22 replies

TulipVictory · 04/12/2023 22:38

My Husband is working what is around an hours drive away all week (my due date is this week). My last baby came fairly quickly in around 4 hours and we managed to not make it to hospital as I didn't think she was going to progress so fast (previous very long labours)

Am I being unreasonable in thinking if something happened he could actually miss the birth? He seems to think they wouldn't come that fast 🤔

OP posts:
Treaclesandwich · 04/12/2023 22:42

I suppose the first question is how much control does he have over where he works? Can he pick and choose or does he go where he’s told?

Wrongsideofpennines · 04/12/2023 22:43

If you didn't make it to hospital the first time then it's likely to be even quicker this time and I would totally not be taking the risk.

UsingChangeofName · 04/12/2023 22:44

Well, it's going to depend on what his options are. Presumably he is working an hour away, because that is where his work is, rather than just choosing to do that to piss you off ?

It sounds as if this is baby number 4 or more ?
Do you have a support network to have the other dc when you go into labour ? Do you have someone who will take you to hospital, so you are at least being looked after while he travels to the hospital ?

Those are the things I would be making sure were in place.

Whattodo112222 · 04/12/2023 22:44

Is he choosing to work the distance away or is this enforced by his employer?

TeaKitten · 04/12/2023 22:45

Can he reasonably work closer to home?

Original poster
TulipVictory · 04/12/2023 22:47

He is self-employed, this is where he has chosen to work this week.

OP posts:
Treaclesandwich · 04/12/2023 22:54

It’s perhaps a little unreasonable to work that fair away if there’s a viable option of working closer. That said, unless it happens very quickly, he’s going to be able to make it back most likely? I’d have a plan B just in case.

DelphiniumBlue · 04/12/2023 23:04

Yes, you need a plan B. Someone who can come and take existing children immediately ( like a near neighbour), and someone who can take you to hospital or stay at home with you and help you should you deliver quickly.
Tell your midwife/birth team at the hospital that your last labour was quick and you didn't make it to hospital, and you are concerned that this will happen again. Would a planned home birth work better?
I had DC 1 in 4 hours, DC2 in 1.5 hours, I thought DC 3 would be about 10 minutes, but actually he was 4 hours. I still had him at home, because travelling to hospital when you are in advanced labour is horrible. When it happened to me, you could still get an ambulance quickly ( DS2 was 5 minutes away from being born in the ambulance), but there was no way I could have got into a car. These days you can't rely on an ambulance turning up quickly, so a planned home birth might be preferable, if your local Trust does this.
Ask your midwife what they recommend.

UsingChangeofName · 04/12/2023 23:08

He is self-employed, this is where he has chosen to work this week.

I realise you are trying to get people t tell you you aren't BU but , presumably, self employed or not, this is where this week's job is.

Of course, he could choose not to, but, as a self employed person he presumably needs to do the work, when the work is there, wherever it is. He presumably has a system and reason for doing this job, this week.

DaughterNo2 · 04/12/2023 23:10

TulipVictory · 04/12/2023 22:47

He is self-employed, this is where he has chosen to work this week.

Chosen to work, or what is paying him a wage ?

olympicsrock · 04/12/2023 23:11

Very unreasonable . He should stay local if possible for the next 2 weeks

scrunchmum · 04/12/2023 23:23

Yes he needs to be local. My first labour was 4 hours and second was 1 hour!

JockTamsonsBairns · 04/12/2023 23:26

olympicsrock · 04/12/2023 23:11

Very unreasonable . He should stay local if possible for the next 2 weeks

But, as he's self employed, maybe he can't choose to just work local?

NoTouch · 04/12/2023 23:30

Lots of people have 1 hour or more commutes to work and can't be closer when the due date gets near. If that is where his work is that pays his wage not sure he is being unreasonable.

blackfluffycat · 05/12/2023 00:18

I had this with our second. He worked either 5 or 7 hours away and the trains stopped at 11. He actually missed the birth of our first but he wasn't in the country.

blackfluffycat · 05/12/2023 00:19

We looked into taxis and the cheesiest was £300. Work let him come home and she was born the day after.

abominablesnowman · 05/12/2023 00:40

TulipVictory · 04/12/2023 22:47

He is self-employed, this is where he has chosen to work this week.

without knowing what he actually does this means nothing. If there is actual work he has agreed to do there then he can't just pull out in case his baby arrives.
If he's choosing to do his work from some office an hour away for seemingly no reason then that would be a different case.

HeddaGarbled · 05/12/2023 00:43

An hour’s fine. Lots of people have that commute.

HeddaGarbled · 05/12/2023 00:46

My first labour was 4 hours and second was 1 hour

A medical miracle 🙄

scrunchmum · 05/12/2023 13:39

HeddaGarbled · 05/12/2023 00:46

My first labour was 4 hours and second was 1 hour

A medical miracle 🙄

Not sure what that's about??!

OP said her previous Labour was 4 hours, I was suggesting that I had the same experience and then had a one hour Labour. It's entirely relevant. We were advised it could be quick and it was, and so neither of us were far from home in late pregnancy.

Hope your cheer up and enjoy the rest of your day!

LadyDanburysHat · 05/12/2023 13:44

I had a 4 hours labour, followed by a 1hr 45 minute labour. Your Dh has every chance of missing the birth. You need contigency plans for labour.

Cheeesus · 05/12/2023 13:58

HeddaGarbled · 05/12/2023 00:43

An hour’s fine. Lots of people have that commute.

Not that many people have a 4 hr long labour though. Although I’d originally read it as a 4 hour labour for a first baby.

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