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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder what DH and his friends talk about?

18 replies

BelugaCar · 04/12/2023 22:35

DH has a group of friends who he’s known for years and who meet up in various places every other month. They’re a nice bunch. They usually go away overnight on the Saturday, back lunchtime Sunday. Sometimes a sports event, sometimes another activity, sometimes just food and beers. I’m fine with that, and he reciprocates with childcare when I go away with my friends.

When he gets back, I always ask how the wives of the friends are and all I get back is “oh, I don’t know” or “yeah, fine”. I don’t think he asks. I ask how one of the friends is doing in his new job and get a similar response, or it’ll be something totally random - I once asked, and he started telling me what an amazing coffee machine one of them had at their office.

On a slightly more serious note, a few years ago we lost a baby in early pregnancy. DH was devastated about it. When I asked if he’d told his friends when he met up with them next, he said no - they weren’t aware of the pregnancy, and he met up with them to take his mind off things.

I don’t have any problem with any of this but I am genuinely interested to know what they talk about! Is this normal?

OP posts:
Frazzledmummy123 · 04/12/2023 22:42

I'd say perfectly normal. I find my dh the same. They can be very vague in the type of conversations we'd have and don't seem to discuss anything indepth (apart from football!😆) or ask how anyone is.

I know someone whose husband told them a friend had text him saying his wife had had the baby. She asked if it was a boy or girl and what the name is and got the reply "I don't know, I didn't ask"! 🤯

UsingChangeofName · 04/12/2023 22:45

Perfectly normal.

Not that surprising that different people talk about different things.

OhwhyOY · 04/12/2023 22:46

Agree with pp, men can be very vague in their chats and not follow up on details. I ask him lots of specific Qs and he almost always says 'I don't know, I didn't ask'. Very different style of conversation perhaps!

ChiIIieP · 04/12/2023 22:46

Yeah totally normal! Why would they all want to ask each other about all their partners? If I went on a girls night out I wouldn't come back expecting to know how all their partners are doing.

Paperbagsaremine · 04/12/2023 22:48

The Jane Austen Paradox - the only women who know what all-male groups talk about are spies or cross dressing journalists!

Yesterdayortomorrow · 04/12/2023 22:49

With my DH it's football football football ⚽

LinguisticallyCunning · 04/12/2023 22:53

Football, an annoying visitor, the weather and their health, the garden, films and gaming, and calling each other daft names and picking on each other in random ways like taking the piss using only song lyrics.

LBFseBrom · 04/12/2023 22:54

Men don't talk about such things.

GoingOffOnATangent · 04/12/2023 22:58

Normal for my DH too. He doesn't discuss sports though. Mostly it seems to be quotes from films/comedy programmes they all like. General piss taking. Am occasional rant about something or comparing notes on projects.

BelugaCar · 04/12/2023 23:03

There is a lot of piss-taking, usually referencing events that happened years ago!

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 04/12/2023 23:13

Who knows? I often wonder what my (18) year old talks about with her friends. None of them have boyfriends (s aren't talking about that). She spent four hours with them this weekend. I asked: 'are any going on holiday at Christmas'? I don't know. 'How are they feeling about the course now it's the end of term'? I don't know we don't talk about it. 'What are their plans for next year'? Well X has got a place at Y uni but I don't know about the rest.
I mean what DO they do? She said they had fun...

AGoodDayForSomebodyElseToDie · 04/12/2023 23:15

Not just a man thing - it would be a cold day in hell before I considered asking about someone’s partner to be an important conversation topic.

whatchagonnado · 04/12/2023 23:17

I'm in a hobby group, where I'm the only woman. I sometimes think they forget I'm not a man! They talk about their families, funny things that have happened, practical matters, work stuff that's happening, the young one talks about tinder dates he's been on which is quite amusing! They're not big sporty people. A fair bit of banter. Nothing out of the ordinary!

Octavia64 · 04/12/2023 23:17

My ExH mostly talked about computers or all the times he'd got drunk in the past and done hilarious things with his friends,

On reflection the computers were preferable.

Ykn · 04/12/2023 23:25

I don't really know what they talk about and they also enjoy PS/X-Box games, but DH and his friends watch the likes of Spiderman and Star Wars movies and reruns of the A Team. This is a group of men in their 50s...

I know they talk about motorbikes, tools and the F1 and MotoGP.

Back in their student/early career days they used to talk about computer software, GUIs (graphical user interfaces) and other such stuff.

Backinthedress · 04/12/2023 23:36

I know exactly what they talk about: nerdy shit. Work nerdy shit. Food (but complicated ways to bbq meat, so nerdy shit), coffee and the best way to get the best brew (nerdy shit), whisky and why X is better than Y due to various types of... nerdy shit......

Good thing I love nerds.

UsingChangeofName · 04/12/2023 23:43

As others have said though, it isn't just a man thing.
I can thing of two groups of friends I meet up with (separately, nothing to do with each other), and we don't talk about each others families or partners. We spend hours together...... meet for lunch at 12 and go home about 7pm.... and I couldn't tell you of any particular topics that come up most, but we just talk about things happening in our lives, or in the world, or it might be somewhere we've been - a nice holiday or just a local bar - .

Stringagal · 04/12/2023 23:45

Backinthedress · 04/12/2023 23:36

I know exactly what they talk about: nerdy shit. Work nerdy shit. Food (but complicated ways to bbq meat, so nerdy shit), coffee and the best way to get the best brew (nerdy shit), whisky and why X is better than Y due to various types of... nerdy shit......

Good thing I love nerds.

I have a foodie one, he comes back with new ideas for roast potatoes or where to buy the best pies. See also: sport, holidays, current news, random facts. He’s got no idea whether Dave’s mum is recovering from her stroke or anything else that might have provoked emotion.

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