I’m a single parent, I’ve been through a lot these past few years - relationship breakdown, losing my house, a severe back injury, and multiple mental health challenges. It all culminated in a mental health breakdown about a year ago. Since then I’ve had a lot of therapy and have got back on my feet. I’m now working part-time and have my son half the week.
My dad and brother were very practically supportive during my breakdown and stayed with me, helped with childcare, and helped me financially. I’ll be forever grateful to them for this.
However, now I just want to move on and be treated like the fully functioning adult I am again. Problem is they still treat me as if I am ill or like a child. They don’t really include me in conversations, my dad is constantly criticising me and telling me what to do, including how to parent DS, what to feed him, when at my house he also feeds my cat cos he assumes I haven’t done it, constantly criticises my driving. My sister-in-law always makes my DS meals before I have the chance to start cooking. I know some of this could be seen as kind and helpful and I hope I don’t come off ungrateful but I feel the motivation behind it is not doing me a favour but doing it because they think I can’t look after myself or DC. Since I’ve been better (over a year) I’ve given them no reason to think this.
I feel all 3 of them sort of constantly rolling their eyes at me and talking down to me. I snapped with my dad the other day after driving him to the station. I stopped outside (he’s never been to this station, I go all the time) he goes “you can’t stop here”. I say i can, he says “move over there, you’re holding up a whole line of traffic”. The “line of traffic” was not behind me, it was to the right of me and it was all parked cars with no drivers! I snapped and said angrily “I’m sick of you constantly criticising me, you treat me like I can’t look after myself”. He got really mad and said “why do you turn everything into an argument?!” (I don’t) before storming off. Now I feel really guilty but I don’t want to apologise because I need to have my feelings recognised. I messaged my brother telling him I was upset (he’s the most understanding and we used to be quite close) but he just said he’s a good dad, I should be grateful for everything he did when I was ill and my anger at the situation was “just my illness talking” (I was diagnosed with clinical depression a few years ago). I’m not depressed at the moment though and my illness has nothing to do with it.
I feel absolutely miserable around them - I’m also really worried about what kind of example I’m setting my DS when he sees them treat me like this (he’s 4). I’m very grateful that they were there for me when I was ill but I feel like they will always treat me like this - I can’t even challenge them on it without being told I’m imagining it or it’s my illness talking. I’ve never had any emotional support from them as my family don’t do emotions. I’m honestly happiest when it’s just my son and me. I feel my self-esteem plummeting when I’m around them. Should I go LC/NC or try and put in some boundaries? How do you put boundaries in with defensive people who don’t listen and are never wrong?!