To not always want to go when my toddler wants to show me something?

[mamatotoddler]

My DD is almost 2. She's quite energetic, always wanting to go and show me something, running around etc. We have quite a large living room / playroom which is where her play normally happens, when she is inside the home.

We normally go for a 2-3 walk in the morning including playground, maybe feeding some ducks, seeing other kids. Any kind of weather unless it's literally a wall of rain coming down. Then a 1-2hr nap. Then in the afternoon usually a play date or again a walk with similar activities. I am absolutely exhausted by the time I get back around 4-5pm. My husband isn't home till 6-7pm. In those 2 hours I am happy to sit and supervise my DD playing but absolutely do not have the energy to be running around from one side of the living room to the other as she wants to show me a bird outside, then throws the ball the other side of the room and gestures for me to fetch it, then wants me to come and have a look at a stain on the floor that she's just spotted, then wants to be lifted onto a chair etc. Is this just part of toddler parenting? Should I be running around? Is it fine to just say "mummy is tired, I'll just sit here but yes that's a lovely bird, I see it"? Will I cause some lifelong trauma where she feels unimportant 😂? Cries and falls on the floor if I do this.

Same when I'm eating. She will "finish" hers in 2 minutes and I am still eating mine as I've spent the first part of dinner helping her or filling her cup with water when she's asked for more. Is it reasonable to say "hang on, mummy is eating but we can go look at your book after dinner"? She cries and falls on the floor when I do, as well.

Normal toddler behaviour. Absolutely fine for you to start having some reasonable boundaries around your needs.
Toddlers are all about NOW and having their needs met NOW but this is also where you start to teach waiting and patience and taking turns. The tantrums are also quite normal. Talk to her about her feelings and show empathy. But also eat your dinner 😁

Sounds normal to me. My toddler loves to 'fetch' the ball so I to tend to through it to the other side of the room and she runs and brings it back to me on the couch. Rinse and repeat 🤣

It’s normal to be tired and it’s normal for toddlers to want all your attention, toddlers can’t entertain themselves for two hours whilst you supervise I’m afraid, I’d say 20mins max 😬

What do I do with the tantrum that follows? She will not be calmed unless and until I get up. Currently been around 5-10 mins of her just screaming at me. Tried hugging her, tried ignoring, tried talking

I'm happy to play with her. Sit and play. Read. For her to bring me toys. Not for me to run from one corner to the other

I would just pretend you can see whatever it is she's pointing out 'oh yes I can see it from here how nice'

Still tries to drag me! I'll say "yes how lovely! What a nice bird" and she will insist that I come to where she wants me or fall to the floor crying

It’s totally understandable and reasonable for you to want to do this. It’s not reasonable for you to expect her to understand this though! My daughter is almost 2 and is the same - it’s exhausting!

So what do you do?

Awww I remember those days! The upside from all the running around was that I was the skinniest since high school 🤣. As with everything else, it’s just a phase.

She sounds adorable!

But you are doing more than enough. It’s absolutely fine in the evening that she brings the play near you - or you just say lovely darling I can see it. Equally fine to start 15 min breaks where she entertains herself.

Tantrums you just have to ignore.

I read somewhere that when they want to show/tell you the small stuff and you are there for them, they will also want to share with you the big stuff when they grow up, so some patience is required, having said that if nothing else helps, 15-20 min of Ms Rachel on wouldn't hurt x

Of course yanbu you've been patient enough to put up with it for this long ha.

Toddlers tantrum over having the 'wrong' spoon or that they wanted to wear odd socks lots of times there is literally no pleasing them unreasonable adorable little humans that they are.

It might sound counterintuitive but children actually like boundaries. They may not express it at a surface level (the primary emotion being frustration etc) but at a deeper level they will appreciate the security that there are limits to their behaviour. Enforce those boundaries to protect your sanity, eg you deserve to eat your meal, you deserve 20 mins sit down etc. your kid will protest and whine but slowly over time will appreciate that you have needs too. Biggest bit of advice I can give is stick with it…as soon as you relent they will learn that is the “tipping point” of getting what they want. Good luck and remember it’s not forever 😆

Does it help to "lean in" and deliberately engage with her for 20mins first? Get her into an activity, give her the time and attention upfront and then step away. If she is wandering about looking at things then of course she is going to want to chat to you about them, but if you can get her to focus on the doing then that might be satisfaction enough for her, at least until she has finished the task she's set herself, or she might bring you the thing when done. Get more toys out basically. Or fewer, but really good open ended ones that she can do a lot of different things with.

Ofcourse you can finish your dinner, she needs to learn (and you do) that it's not all about her wants and responding to her every unreasonable demand at this stage will do her no on good imo.

Also fine for you to take a backseat, independent play is the best. "Mummy is resting" "can you bring it here for me to see as I'm having a rest?" "Shall we read a book?"

It's exhausting being at home with little kids and getting them used to you saying no and them playing alone will benefit you both!

I think the advice not to give in to whining/pestering is spot on - decide quickly if you're going to change your mind otherwise you're training your child to harangue you. Otherwise follow through.
I think with toddlers you have to be on the front foot - meet their energy when you can, be prepared to set boundaries and always have tricks up your sleeves.
My DD responded well to humour and to signposting the next activity/schedule. Helped a lot with managing behaviour and expectations.
Also have in mind a range of more static games when you are tired - bit of TV, teddy tea party, wet play, new sticker book or magazine, bandaging Mummy/toys also good for a lie down.
There's also a big difference between a slightly annoyed tantrum and a melt down from emotional dis-regulation.

So when you are eating and she's finished you give her a tub of play DOH to play with, or some spaghetti and a handful of Cheerios to string, or an upside down colinder and large pipe cleaners and talk to her whilst you are eating.

Plan your activites so that they aren't so exhausting for you it sounds like you are doing alot and getting back quite late.

I started training DD with 'quiet' time early on, a warm milk and rich tea for her and cup of tea and a few biscuits for me and I would read to her whilst she had her drink, and then she'd play on the floor with quiet toys whilst I had mine, building up time from 10 minutes upward. As she got older this transitioned to us reading to each other instead and then silent reading to ourselves

We used to go out in the morning, home for lunch, another short outing and then Barney from 2pm-3pm where I dozed before doing dinner.

Unless she is hurt, the best thing to do with a tantrum is ignore it. She is crying and screaming because 1) she isn’t getting her way and 2) because she can’t regulate her emotions yet. If you give in to crying and screaming, she will learn that if she cries and screams, that makes you do what she wants.

Be kind and present for the tantrum. Tell her you are doing X and will play again in a while and that shouting is not OK. Offer a cuddle if she wants one, but she has to come to you for one.

Of course it won’t ‘work’. You have to do it over and over and over and over again – but that’s toddlers for you. You’re playing the long game and the point is that you are setting her up in the coming years for expectations of behaviour.

Sounds like you are exhausting yourself. Try to plan in quiet times in your day. Snack and reading stories time. We have a Yoto and he will happily potter about with that for agesss listening to the music and putting the different cards in and out. And yes when it gets to 5:30 and we are waiting for daddy to come home and i’m knackered we put on some tv and watch stick man or something. I will play with him full on for like 20 mins or so and then tell him mummy is going to make a cup of tea and then watch the play for a bit from the sofa - I often find if I give him lots of ideas for his make believe play he gets into the games himself and plays alone for a bit.

Some time in nursery. Or invite friends home. She needs constant stimulation.

My kids seemed to sense when I was tired and seemed to want even more attention than usual. Try some games that involve her running about and you sitting. Doctors and patient, throwing a ball or bean bag, hide and seek, timing running in so try to enjoy itcircles or doing jumps and my MIL favourite which was attaching a pedometer to my son and getting him to beat his own targets for jumping! One day you will barely see her so try to enjoy it now. That empty bedroom when they have gone to uni is a heartbreaker!

Is there any way of gating off a bit of your living room to contain the running around for a while? If she'd tolerate that, it could help.

Buy a set of binoculars.