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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Fantasising about another man

15 replies

Orbittheworld · 04/12/2023 16:10

I’m married . Love him and he is my best friend
but keep thinking/fantasising about a guy who lives nearby
Dont know him or speak to him and no chance of anything .
am I wrong

OP posts:

Mothership4two · 04/12/2023 16:14

am I wrong

Not as long as you just keep it in your head and don't act on it. I expect it is perfectly normal

BouncesInBetween · 04/12/2023 16:15

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

MereDintofPandiculation · 04/12/2023 16:18

As @Mothership4two says. Add to that - don't tell DH. He doesn't need to know. and knowing will do him no good whatever. Keep your confessions for MN.

I used to do the same about a guy I saw on the train every morning. Then one day I heard him speak and all my illusions were shattered

Laiste · 04/12/2023 16:19

Is it day dreaming, or 'replacing' your DH when you're being intimate?

If ever you're wondering if something is wrong, then imagine your DH doing it and then think if it would upset you. If the answer is yes - then it's only fair to try to not do it, no?

Laiste · 04/12/2023 16:21

I'm guilty of it myself by the way, with 1st husband i'd think of another man. But in that case i wouldn't have cared if he'd done the same!

keye · 04/12/2023 16:24

am I wrong

Only on the sense that you love your husband and he is your best friend. Why not tell your bestie about your recent thoughts and fantasies?

Original poster

Orbittheworld · 04/12/2023 16:24

I don’t replace him in intimate moments . Its a silly crush on my head
i want to join a group which he belongs to . I would suggest this may shatter all my labour him

OP posts:

YouJustDoYou · 04/12/2023 16:25

Watch the videos on youtube of women who have been in your position, felt disillusioned, left dh in the end, regretted it as the grass was just more grass on the other side, and shrivelled at that, and the videos end with them crying and wondering what on earth they were thinking.

Laiste · 04/12/2023 16:35

Its a silly crush on my head - i want to join a group which he belongs to

I wouldn't do this. It's playing with fire. Taking things to an actual physical level. Not physical with him, but you're doing things because of him. That's no longer 'just in your head'.

If my DH (2nd husband, very happy marriage) had a crush on someone and then sought to join a group with her i'd be fucking livid!

Original poster

Orbittheworld · 04/12/2023 16:42

Not doing things because of him . It’s a charity that is like to be involved with. However I have just learnt he is part of the committee
it also feels wrong when I think about not doing something. I’m not a bloody teenager

OP posts:

Mothership4two · 04/12/2023 16:44

MereDintofPandiculation · 04/12/2023 16:18

As @Mothership4two says. Add to that - don't tell DH. He doesn't need to know. and knowing will do him no good whatever. Keep your confessions for MN.

I used to do the same about a guy I saw on the train every morning. Then one day I heard him speak and all my illusions were shattered

I should have clarified that one of the things I meant when not acting on your crush is not telling anyone especially not DP. People IRL don't need to know.

Years ago I temped and had a crush on the head of my department until I found out a) he was a lot older than he looked; b) he had a longterm partner and c) he was obsessed with cricket.

ManateeFair · 04/12/2023 16:59

Pretty normal to have a crush. Keep it to yourself and don't act on it.

LongAndWindingRoads · 04/12/2023 17:03

It's all part of being human, and harmless as long as you don't act on it. Sooner or later it will pass. I've admired many a man from afar, and then once crush as passed asked myself what the hell was l thinking !

Naptrappedmummy · 04/12/2023 17:04

Normal. Fantasise away but don’t contact him or do anything deliberate to put yourself in his proximity. It’ll pass.

ExtraOnions · 04/12/2023 17:05

It’s just a fantasy .. the things I do to Greg Davies in my head

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