Any child psychiatrists / psychologists?

[NDfamily]

I have two autistic DC, both very high needs.

DC1 is junior school age: autistic, ADHD, language delay, some kind of mental health problems. We've been waiting to see a Psychiatrist for over a year now, appointment coming up this month.

DC1 has multiple meltdowns a day, he'll bite himself very severely, flail around (including near the stairs etc), stamp his feet to the point they bruise and scream. Trigger not always obvious. Last night he went into a rage. He has a safe space bed and he was just hurling himself at the sides, biting all up and down his arms. He was screaming and straining (like a foaring, growling straining with grimace) so much that his eyes were going bloodshot and I've honestly never heard or seen anything like it in my life (except from him). How a neighbour didn't call the police is beyond me (they do all know the situation though). These rages are really hard to describe, I've seen children in meltdown lash out and destroy stuff but this looks like he's literally having a full on fight with himself. His heart rate goes extremely high and it brings out a red itchy histamine reaction all over his body.

No school will take him, he lives a very, very low demand life. I'm not proud of this but last night I couldn't calm him down and was so scared I started shouting at him to calm himself, which very obviously didn't help.

I used to work as a professional in a related field and, briefly, in a highly specialist school for Social Emotional Mental Health needs and I have never, ever seen a child that distressed before.

My question is: not is this 'normal', because I know it's not even amongst other "SEN families", but has anyone ever seen a pre-puberty child like this? Ever? What the fuck are we doing wrong??

I’m not sure I’ll have any useful advice, but just wanted to say you definitely shouldn’t have been left to deal with this without a psychologist for over a year. No, this isn’t normal, and I hope you find the right support. I would put in a complaint (to CAMHS, the council about schooling, the MP, whoever). Your local SENDIAS (parent advice service) might be able to help. If they can’t find a council funded school, they should be looking at independent special schools. You are not doing anything wrong - he needs beyond the usual parenting and support and there is no way anyone should be expected to do this without a lot of support and without a school place.

A few things to try in the meantime:

• What is his diet like? If it’s very limited, could you find a way to give a multivitamin and omega 3 supplement? (Eg. as a a liquid drop on his food). This has been proven to lower behaviour issues for some. Also, is there any way to increase fibre (eg. adding seeds, etc). This has been shown to improve mental health.
• Have you had an OT assessment to advise on sensory strategies? Eg. I saw a child that used a hair brush on their skin instead of scratching it and that really helped.
• What are you doing whilst he is doing this? He might pick up on you (understandably!) feeling stressed while this is happening. If you can, try staying nearby but quiet and very calm.
• To help him focus more on the positive for now, would he respond to something like earning Lego pieces for reward time later on? (Eg., one piece 2 mins on a video game.) Might be worth a try. Or maybe even building a wall of photos of him having a nice time doing various things.
• Have you applied for short breaks or similar respite care for him to give you a break?

That’s all I can think of for now and not sure it’s very helpful, but wanted to check.

Wishing you the best of luck as you navigate this time.

You definitely shouldn't be dealing with this alone. The LA have a legal duty to secure full time educational provision for your children, "no school will have them" is a cop out. Do they have EHCPs? Have all schools including independent specialist schools within travelling distance been approached. My son and daughter went to out of County independent specialists who understood their needs very well, offered a therapeutic approach with on site therapists. Dd's school had a psychiatrist in school regularly besides the on site psychotherapist, OT and SALT.

I think I would have called an ambulance, OP. It must have been incredibly distressing for everyone.

Oh, @NDfamily i feel for you. Not quite at this stage, but my eldest is showing signs of heading there. He had a huge meltdown a few weeks ago and ended up having a huge nosebleed, then another meltdown where he was asking people to physically hurt him as he couldn’t deal with his emotions. Is your son under a paediatrician or CAMHs? If so, get in touch asap, if not ask for an immediate referral. He should have been seen by an educational psychologist by now, had an EHCP put in place as a minimum to find an appropriate school for him. SEN school places are like hens teeth I know, but my other son has a mainstream placement that currently can meet his needs despite being globally delayed. Do you have a health visitor? Mine was a star when the kids were showing obvious ASD traits and chased up professionals for me. I know how tough it is, but the only way forward is to chase and chase.

I should have called an ambulance, I couldn't even think straight.

He has 4 hours respite a week. The school thing has been a nightmare- been to two special schools (one state, one independent).

The lack of CAMHS / Psychiatrist is due to CAMHS refusing to take him because he might have a Learning Disability but there being no LD CAMHS in our area. He has had a lot of other professionals involved in various ways but we really needed a Psychiatrist. His paed won't prescrjbe psychiatric medicine.

I'm starting to think he's the only child this young (under 11) who has ever been in this state before. He's unhappy and self harms most of the day but these meltdowns are horrifying.

My mum video called me today at 10.30am and I was still in mh pyjamas. I've not been sleeping at all with worry and my DC are usually up all night. She said "lowering your standards are you?" and laughed at her joke. I just feel so deflated and worthless.

My first thought after reading OP was - is it possible your DS was in some kind of pain?

How would he usually communicate pain to you? Or would he (at all?)

I ask because I work with individuals with SEND and have seen extreme behavioural changes occur as a result of pain. (Ie X was so distressed we called parents/carers and when X was checked out, it tutns out he/she had a bad ear infection, water infection etc.)

I hope you DS has had a calmer day.

When the intense screaming episodes started in 2022 we got him medically checked over. He had a tooth removed but they never found any other cause.

He is verbal but severely language delayed so it's very hard for him to communicate what is causing upset. "Zombie brain" turned out to be headaches which he gets a lot.

https://www.newboldhope.com/ putting this resource here in case you’re not familiar, although I suspect you probably will have seen it. The women who runs it has had similar experiences to you.
Are you worried about a child's difficult and dangerous behaviour? Does your child sometimes become violent towards others? Do the rest of the family sometimes get hurt? Newbold Hope is entirely run by parents who have been through this with their own child and our whole approach is based on what we know has already worked successfully in our own families and in thousands of others.