To expect a bit of special treatment on my birthday

[DaisyDukes2]

So a wee while back my DH had to go abroad for work for 4 days over my birthday/anniversary (got married on my 30th). These things happen not bothered as he said we'd celebrate on the weekend. This would have happened anyway as my birthday fell on a particularly busy night with after-school activities. On the night if my birthday I took myself and the 3 DC's out for dinner. DH had managed to organise 2 of them to get me something small (I don't expect anything big from DC's - just a wee token) but my oldest 14 said she didn't have time to get me anything. That stung a bit. Then when DH got back I was presented with some chocolates there was mention of going out to celebrate at the weekend but nothing happened and it has never been referred to again. Now I really don't want to sound grasping but I've been away visiting family 5 times this year (elderly mother) and every time I've brought him back a bottle of whiskey - just because he likes it and no other reason. I'm feeling really bloody upset that all I seem to warrant for both holding down the fort for 4 days with 3 kids, juggling all the activities etc he usually helps cover while WFH and fitting my own work around that and my BIRTHDAY is some sodding chocolate.

YANBU but I hope you have ranted all this at him, not just on MN though.

I’d be really disappointed and I think I’d have a word about how it makes you feel. Would be forgiving if he’s genuinely mortified, but very grumpy if it brushed off

You are being entirely reasonable. I feel your pain. I spent my birthday this year at the emergency Sunday vet with a lame and bleeding dog. Dh was away for two weeks on a trip of a lifetime. He asked me the day before he left what I wanted for my birthday and I duly answered the door to the nice amazon delivery man two days later and put my cardboard envelope in the cupboard to await my surprise 🙄. 12 yo asked me to drop her to her friend's house on the way to the vet but at least wrapped the couple of bits she and 10yo picked up when we were shopping earlier in the week. Luckily my lovely mum brought us out for dinner to redeem the day!

I think if he'd promised you'd celebrate at the weekend you should have asked him what celebration he had planned. Not just let him quietly forget about it. A text whilst he was away saying you are really looking forward to celebrating your birthday on the weekend when he returns. Has he booked something? That would have prompted him to make a telephone reservation somewhere.

I agree with asking what happened to the plans? Aren’t you doing anything for my birthday?
also, next time you go to your mums, come back with a nice bottle of champagne YOU like. ‘Darling I have been bringing you a bottle of whisky every time I go away to visit my mum. You are away for a few days over my birthday and can’t be bothered doing any more than a block of chocolate, so I realise I’ve been a total doormat and am going to look after myself more. Maybe next time if you’re lucky I’ll buy me some champagne or a nice scare AND a block of chocolate for you, but only if it’s your birthday of course.’

There was the poster not long ago who had a shit birthday and took herself away on a surprise trip. Husband and kids were shocked, but realised pretty quickly that taking people for granted can have consequences. Be more like her.

Stop seething and tell him how you feel

He can't read your mind. Also kids are generally selfish/unable to think of their parents feelings so unlikely to prioritise a birthday of yours. You can make this a big thing and everyone will be baffled or you can tell your family that everyone is doing something together for the birthday this weekend and sort it with your husband?
I think you are generally feeling a bit put upon, but it is often worth reflecting if that which is put upon you is actually stuff that you yourself have picked up (rod for own back with the whiskey purchases etc)

This!